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Male entitlement at a bar

(85 Posts)
villandrychat Wed 23-May-18 11:20:33

I've been mulling over this event since it happened on Friday and wondered what other people thought.
I was out for after work drinks with some girlfriends on Friday, ranging in age from mid 40s to mid 50s. We were having a great time, when some random bloke came over and started trying to chat us up. He sat next to me and draped his arm round me, which I pointedly removed. He proceeded to hog the conversation, and started off telling us an "amusing" story (his definition of it). He was blocking my way out and I was needing the loo. I asked to get past him, and he said just listen to the end of this, it's good (so good I can't even remember what it was confused). I was desperate (middle-aged bladder!) and asked him a further two times, and he said, no, you just sit here until I've finished telling you this. At this point I lost it, and said I'd already asked him three times, so if he didn't get the fuck out of my way right now, I was going to get security to kick him out. He very huffily moved, and I squeezed past him. I was so angry that he thought he could just override my requests like that, his sheer entitlement made me furious. And the fact that people seem to put up with men like him. I feel like I've overreacted, but part of me felt like punching him! It made me realise why I hate bars - I put up with so much shit like this as a teen/20s, and I'm now a menopausal angry woman who won't take shit from anyone!

NeverLovedElvis Wed 23-May-18 11:22:39

What a dickhead. You certainly didn't over react.

KlutzyDraconequus Wed 23-May-18 11:23:10

A drink over their head usually get them to fuck off.. keep a pint of water on the table just in case.

Theinconstantgardener Wed 23-May-18 11:26:19

no you didn't overreact . Cheeky fekker.

LouiseCollins28 Wed 23-May-18 11:32:00

Oh dear, what a prat! why the need for the swearing though?

villandrychat Wed 23-May-18 11:35:44

My swearing? I think I was quite restrained in the circumstances!

SleepIsForTheWeek Wed 23-May-18 11:39:36

Ugh, like his need for an audience and attention over-rode everything else. We all know the type.

KlutzyDraconequus Wed 23-May-18 11:40:53

Yes please.dont swear in a mans general direction.. it'll offend his poor manish ears.

If anything you should swear more. Something like,
"Shut the fuck up you boring cunt and fuck off back the sewer you troglodyte looking arse hole"

MrsST Wed 23-May-18 11:44:14

Louise to be fair to the OP she'd already asked him politely on two occasions which he ignored. He seemed to get the message on the third time. I no longer have this issue- I'm early 30s but rarely go out. I don't miss it for this exact reason.

villandrychat Wed 23-May-18 11:44:19

Klutzy grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Wed 23-May-18 11:47:39

"Oh dear, what a prat! why the need for the swearing though?"

Ohh, I don't know, @LouiseCollins28 - maybe because this rude, entitled boor had already ignored two polite requests to let the OP pass, after having imposed himself without invitation or permission on her and her friends, and having put his arm round her.

Do you honestly think that telling a person who had done all this to get the fuck out of her way was OTT of the OP? Really?? shock

HotRocker Wed 23-May-18 11:47:59

Fuck yeah, an arsehole like that would’ve got the full breadth of my offensive vocabulary.
You didn’t overreact OP, if anything I think you were very restrained. I’m not sure I would be so restrained in the same situation.

aaarrrggghhhh Wed 23-May-18 11:48:33

Slight tangent - I'm in my early 40s and have only just realised how many hours of my life have been spent politely listening to very boring and very unfunny stories by men. Know that I'm aware of it, its unrelenting. And I'm not even "hot" anymore - back in the day it must have taken up weeks of my life.

I'm trying to be blunter now. But then - as you are - have a total freak out the I wasn't "nice". But really. No more.

Angryresister Wed 23-May-18 11:51:29

I can remember Wh back in the 70s being in a pub with aka group that included a male fully bearded who demanded that we call him by a female name.... He then pushed his way in front of us women and demanded to be served before the women there and of course that's called male privilege

villandrychat Wed 23-May-18 11:53:05

Yes aaarrrggghhh, I know exactly what you mean. I can recall being cornered by men on trains, at clubs, in bars, and smiling politely when a reasonable reaction would be to tell them to fuck off!

HotRocker Wed 23-May-18 11:55:01

Argh, I feel the same. Every time I go out, which admittedly is not often any more, it’s guaranteed that a man or a group of men will invite themselves over to our table. Amount of times I’ve sat there feeling uncomfortable wanting to tell them to fuck off but feeling inhibited to do so is ridiculous. Hours and hours of my childfree going out time have been swallowed up by these arseholes. Next time I intend to tell them to fuck off at the earliest opportunity.

AaronPurrSir Wed 23-May-18 12:04:44

I remember when I was younger, if I was meeting a female friend in a bar we always met outside, at the bus stop, or in another spot. We never, EVER met inside the bar. Looking back, it was precisely because whoever got there first didn’t want to be stood or sat in a bar on their own even for a few minutes, as some bloke would take it as an invitation to “keep you company”.

It’s amazing all the little ways we modify our behaviour without even thinking about it.

smithsinarazz Wed 23-May-18 12:05:29

Well done. You reacted at the right time in an apt way. Swear words shouldn't be over-used, I agree. We need to keep them strong for occasions like this.

Vicky1990 Wed 23-May-18 12:07:15

I'm afraid you get men and women like this every where, I have found so called hen parties the worst.
I have had to move tables a number of times when eating out due to the moronic screaming and shouting by some of these women ruining a meal.

Pebble113 Wed 23-May-18 12:14:53

Swear at him or the alternative, given your bladder would have been to urinate on him! He got away lightly me thinks 😉

Magicstar1 Wed 23-May-18 12:21:54

Totally understandable reaction. I remember a guy chatting to me and putting his hand on my leg. Twice I told him to take his hand off me, the third time he did it I told him that if it touched me again I'd break it..that seemed to work. It's pure entitlement and does my head in!

CaptainBrickbeard Wed 23-May-18 12:25:31

Is it the same poster who regularly pops up on threads over the years to tell people not to swear? I see it every so often and am baffled as to why anyone thinks they have the right to police swearing on the internet. I think Netmums doesn’t allow it so go there if you don’t like it!

HerFemaleness Wed 23-May-18 12:26:45

Oh well done OP, you were quite restrained considering.

Yes he was very entitled but so very very typical. What is going on in these blokes head when they think can just intrude on a group of women and monopolise the discussion?

LaSqrrl Wed 23-May-18 12:29:23

Have had many in the pub. But I remember one in particular. His sales pitch included "I have a huge cock" AND "I haven't had sex in 12 years".

It did not take a rocket scientist to figure out why 12 years (manslaughter? attempted murder?)...
Nasty shit right there. Not the type I would ever consider, even if tempted by 'huge cock'.

Of course being older now, I would have had the witty reply:
"why thank you for the offer of your huge cock. However you do mistake us for some kind of pity party, or shriveled cock outreach programme, we thusly decline"

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg Wed 23-May-18 12:30:25

I remember when I was younger, if I was meeting a female friend in a bar we always met outside, at the bus stop, or in another spot. We never, EVER met inside the bar.

Oh God yes.

The only way I was cured of that affliction was 1) going in pubs where I knew people anyway 2) apparently developing a fuck off face that keeps them away unless they're already too drunk to notice.

The blocking the way is classic, thinking it's charming to prevent me leaving before I've done whatever it is they wanted me to do.

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