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Woman "accidentally strangled" during sex

(25 Posts)
QuentinSummers Tue 13-Mar-18 08:42:10

With a man she met two hours earlier.
There is evidence she liked asphyxiation during sex.
This made me think of the long tgread about strangling and porn on here a while ago, which I now can't find.
I have read of other manslaughter cases where women have died in circs like this.
It is making me think that we need more education and public awareness around how dangerous this is. In this case one woman has died and a man is facing prison for something they thought would be fun. It seems like an extremely risky activity.

Childrenofthestones Tue 13-Mar-18 11:53:14

She had asked a previous boyfriend to choke her while having sex but he refused.
To go beyond just holding your own breath at climax is a very dangerous game.
Very sad and a terrible waste of life.

Janie143 Tue 13-Mar-18 12:23:01

Yes having hands put on your throat is the biggest risk factor when going through a DV risk assessment with women's aid for a reason

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork Tue 13-Mar-18 12:28:24

I'm surprised that someone who was so drunk she was thrown out of a club was able to have a conversation stating how much she enjoyed that sort of sex, and chose to have it with a guy she'd just met at the bus stop that was almost twice her age. But perhaps that's just me.

QuentinSummers Tue 13-Mar-18 13:02:42

aunt I'm also surprised but it seems to have been accepted sad

SomeKnobend Tue 13-Mar-18 13:14:43

I agree with Aunt.

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 13-Mar-18 13:16:05

I was amazed at that, too. If it had been someone she'd known previously, then I could understand it, but a complete stranger?

Branleuse Tue 13-Mar-18 13:18:33

This is so sad. Such a dangerous game to play sad

TinklyLittleLaugh Tue 13-Mar-18 13:19:26

Yes it really needs to become the norm that having sex with a drunk woman (or man) who cannot therefore give 100% full consent to sex, is seen as a massive red flag in itself, if not an actual crime.

BlooperReel Tue 13-Mar-18 13:23:55

I don't know how this bullshit story was accepted sad

GrimDamnFanjo Tue 13-Mar-18 13:58:29

It's frighteningly easy to die this way. Very risky even if consensual.

BuzzKillington Tue 13-Mar-18 14:02:14

What a shocking story.

So bloody dangerous at the best of times, add in that they had both been drinking heavily and had only just met - madness.

Kneedeepinunicorns Tue 13-Mar-18 14:32:02

....this seems somewhere along the lines of the guy who 'accidentally penatrated a woman when he fell on her'. Not rape at all, of course not.

anothernewone Tue 13-Mar-18 15:01:49

I've name changed for this but I think it's unfair that you are assuming this wasn't something she asked for.

Some people genuinely enjoy this and yes it's easier to ask for it when you're drunk. The fact it has been brought to attention that she's asked for it in the past I think strongly indicate she probably did.

What a sad story and horrible end to what they both probably thought was a bit of drunken fun.

BuzzKillington Tue 13-Mar-18 15:10:26

From that article, there is no evidence she was raped.

TryptoFan Tue 13-Mar-18 15:48:15

Even if people ask to be strangled, I think those who give in to the person's requests should face a harsh sentence as it's obviously very deadly.

AssassinatedBeauty Tue 13-Mar-18 16:00:25

Surely strangling someone is always assault even if they've asked you to do it? As you can't give consent to something that amounts to assault, as strangling would seem to be? Nor can you effectively withdraw consent if you can't breath or have lost consciousness.

Branleuse Tue 13-Mar-18 16:14:07

I think you can consent to kink and this sort of play, but you need to know HOW dangerous it really is and youve got to be with someone who really gives a shit and cares about you, and even then, mostly just dont fucking do it. A buzz is not worth the risk. Doing it with a stranger you have no idea of his motives or how far he would go, or whether he would even know when the moment to stop is mental. Bloody hell.

BeyondDeadlySiren Tue 13-Mar-18 16:16:49

Agree assigned - I was under the impression that you couldn't consent to assault

BeyondDeadlySiren Tue 13-Mar-18 16:17:16


GraceMarks Tue 13-Mar-18 16:27:56

You can consent to some kinds of assault, such as being tattooed (which counts as GBH if you apply the proper legal wording), being tackled during contact sports, surgery of course, and yes, some kinds of BDSM do count. The lines are a bit blurry. You only can't consent to being murdered I think.

Branleuse Tue 13-Mar-18 16:28:43

You cant legally, so hes obviously screwed.

You can enthusiastically ask to be caned, but if you then showed those bruises to the police, then whoever did it to you would be arrested and probably charged, as you cannot consent to actual bodily harm.

Its quite a topic in the BDSM community and I dont agree with it, although in this case the woman died, so I think he deserves what he gets, and this was not in a BDSM relationship and even if she did drunkenly ask for it, that would not be considered consent in BDSM nor the law

GraceMarks Tue 13-Mar-18 16:40:08

Sorry, I meant that there are defences/exceptions to assault offences which would mean that prosecution would be unlikely if, say, you signed up to a boxing class and then tried to press charges when you got punched. In this particular case, even if it could be proved that the woman had asked to be choked, I doubt it will mitigate the sentence for this guy. I really bloody hope it doesn't anyway.

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork Tue 13-Mar-18 21:27:28

Given she was that drunk, could she consent at all?

christinarossetti Tue 13-Mar-18 21:50:14

The thing that struck me most about this awful situation is the speed at which they went from being total strangers to being involved in dangerous sexual games ie 2 hours.

I've always assumed that this type of sexual encounter would happen in the sort of context branlause describes - long-term sexual partners, very sexually experienced, know each other well, discuss erotic strangulation and risks whilst sober more than once, safe words etc etc.

It's really distressing that a 20 year old woman heavily under the influence would ask to be strangled, and that an older man would think it was an acceptable thing to do.

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