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Valentine's Day is simply a commercial celebration of heteropatriarchy

(34 Posts)
crunchymint Wed 14-Feb-18 19:16:30

Heteropatriarchy means everything that promotes the idea that we should be in monogamous opposite sex relationships. So our culture that promotes this as the ideal way to live, and practical issues such as available housing and legal protection in the form of marriage, that make this the easiest choice.
Valentine's Day celebrates this through commercialisation that urges you to spend lots of money, to show that you really do love that person of the opposite sex you are in a monogamous relationship with.

Jaxtellerswife Wed 14-Feb-18 19:20:03

Didn't get a card eh? wink

shakeyourcaboose Wed 14-Feb-18 19:20:30

Not really, my friends/family in same sex relationships are celebrating valentines day, where have you come across the idea it's for hetero couples only?

shakeyourcaboose Wed 14-Feb-18 19:22:05

DH of 14 years didn't get me a card jax 😭😭 though I didn't get him one either!

MincemeatTart Wed 14-Feb-18 19:23:25

It’s a Christian celebration. St Valentine’s Day.
Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Jaxtellerswife Wed 14-Feb-18 19:23:25

Shake, I never normally bother but I was nice this year and treated him.

ScouseQueen Wed 14-Feb-18 19:23:45

In general yes. But in small ways there are some positive changes. Last year I remember I was listening to local radio and noticed how same sex couples were now part of the phone in bits where listeners were talking about their Valentine's Day plans. One all-female couple were talking about having a steak dinner together. Just small things like that can shift perceptions about coupledom.

Branleuse Wed 14-Feb-18 19:24:43

i just think its a day to send your loved one/s a card and go out for dinner or something. Im pretty sure many gay swingers celebrate it too

Camomila Wed 14-Feb-18 19:26:47

Plus it's not compulsary to do even if you are in a heterosexual relationship (DH and I aren't doing it this year because it's Ash Wednesday and we thought it'd be odd when we are meant to be sad - Catholic!)

Elendon Wed 14-Feb-18 19:28:16

I read that Valentine rescued young women who were imprisoned in their house because they were not deemed marriageable and gave them a refuge with nuns - nuns then were a sisterhood and had homes to accommodate women who suffered abuse in their family households.

fishdogpancakes Wed 14-Feb-18 19:28:50

It's originally a Pagan festival which like so many others was usurped by a Pope in order to crush the non Christians.
Pagans believe in the Goddess as equal to the God so you can see why they needed expulsion.
The festival was Lupercalia, a celebration of fertility. The Pope was Gelasius in 496 who made it a St day. St Valentine.

No I didn't get a card either!

stoneagefertilitydoll Wed 14-Feb-18 19:31:34

DP and I don't go in for it, I do find the way my sons bring stuff home they've made for me for valentines a bit weird though if I actually think about it....

it's just for me, they don't make stuff for DP..

lettuceWrap Wed 14-Feb-18 19:34:48

Amongst our friends, it’s the gay married couple who’ve gone completely OOT with the valentines celebrations (as they do each year). We do flowers, alcohol, a nice dinner out - of our friend group (age 40/50) married heterosexual couples hardly bother at all.

QueenLaBeefah Wed 14-Feb-18 19:34:56

I don't do velentines because I'm a massive tightwad.

lettuceWrap Wed 14-Feb-18 19:36:08


stoneagefertilitydoll Wed 14-Feb-18 19:36:59

I don't do velentines because I'm a massive tightwad

This is it. We have shared finances. Why on earth would I want to waste money on the most expensive night of the year, when we can go out any other time, or buy myself some chocs when I do the shopping... We both probably lack the romance gene.

Eolian Wed 14-Feb-18 19:38:14

Same sex couples are free to embrace Valentine's Day, just as heterosexual couples are free to reject it. I bought dh a card but never in my 46 years have I spent lots of money on Valentine's Day stuff.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Wed 14-Feb-18 19:38:20

OP it absolutely is a commercialised nonsense day (for the vast majority) but can you give us some more reasoning for why you believe it promotes heteropatriarchy? As per pp I know many same sex couples who will 'celebrate' it.

I suppose if you mean the usual cards displayed on stands are for 'his and hers' type gift things then I would understand a little, but I'm not sure....

RebelRogue Wed 14-Feb-18 19:39:57

Got DP a card about how bad his farts stink and a wallet tool thingy. Total spend 5£.

crunchymint Wed 14-Feb-18 19:45:58

Valentine's Day promotes opposite sex couples. Look at the cards, adverts, traditions - the man buys roses and chocolates.

Trailedanderror Wed 14-Feb-18 19:46:14

We are reappropriating it from the heteronormative patriachy grin
I had 3 Facebook posts about it on my timeline- one from some gay friends, one from a female celebrating Galentines, she posted 8 friends' selfies and one bible verse about agape rather than romantic love.
DH sent DS out for flowers for me, because he's away, we don't normally celebrate. flowersgrin

ScreamingValenta Wed 14-Feb-18 19:46:26

Most cards that are printed as 'to' someone just say wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/fiance/fiancee so there's nothing whatsoever to stop them being bought by same-sex couples for each other.

Yes, of course it's a commercial racket but a well-chosen card cheers up a dark February morning when spring still seems a long way off. You would find it hard to name a type of celebration which hasn't been commercially exploited - it's for the individual to draw the line between those they find pleasurable and those that are a waste of money.

Elendon Wed 14-Feb-18 19:50:02

I agree crunchymint and EastEnders last night was just disgusting - I don't follow ee honest guv smile I just put the tv on because I didn't want to miss Shetland.

Anyway, love and peace to all, and hopefully a warmer spring for all of us.

austenozzy Wed 14-Feb-18 19:50:12

When ~95% of the population is hetero, it’s hardly surprising. As others have said, I’ve seen stuff from gay friends on FB etc and there’s nothing explicitly excluding them.

Writersblock2 Wed 14-Feb-18 19:50:54

I saw Saint Valentine’s skull in Rome recently (many places report they have it but apparently this is the most likely). I can say it didn’t make me feel particularly romantic.

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