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You can't be a feminist if

(68 Posts)
PleaseDoTellMeAgain Mon 18-Dec-17 12:44:48

"Because you've had one night stands"...

Why can't YOU be a feminist?

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Mon 18-Dec-17 12:51:33

I enable my DH in his career and don't work and so am financially dependent on him.
I also changed my name on marriage.
Plus I've had shit loads of one night stands.

Guess I cannot be a feminist!

GoodLittleWoman Mon 18-Dec-17 12:53:31

Who's telling you you can't be a feminist?

I think we all make non-feminist choices, every day. I know I do. Doesn't mean I'm not a feminist. Just means I recognise that many of my choices wouldn't be made without the influence of the patriarchy. Would I choose to wear make up if the patriarchy didn't exist? I very much doubt it.

SilverdaleGlen Mon 18-Dec-17 12:58:06

Why can't someone who has ONS be a feminist??

PleaseDoTellMeAgain Mon 18-Dec-17 12:58:54

It's lighthearted...

I get told quite often how I can't be a feminist because;

I dye my hair
Wear makeup
Don't hate men
Have children (I mean wtf)

CherryChasingDotMuncher Mon 18-Dec-17 12:59:37


I want to liberate women from oppression, that's all I need. Everything else is just superfluous.

I really hate this whole "if you're not an intersectional feminist, you are not a feminist". I don't like other people telling me what I am and am not.

AdalindSchade Mon 18-Dec-17 12:59:48

Stupid thread.
You can't be a feminist if you don't acknowledge the patriarchy, sex based oppression and male supremacy. Or you have a penis. The end.

GoodLittleWoman Mon 18-Dec-17 13:00:32

What Ada said.

AssassinatedBeauty Mon 18-Dec-17 13:00:58

Who tells you this?

PleaseDoTellMeAgain Mon 18-Dec-17 13:02:05

Oh the ons one?

That was an interesting chat with a guy who I'd turned down a while before. We were talking about equal pay (a million miles from casual sex) and he comes out with that corner because apparently a woman consenting/admitting a one night stand is therefore using a man which is against what feminism stands for and I cannot possibly as a single woman fuck someone unless I have confessed my undying love to him.

It was a dumb comment from a dumb person, as they often are.

Trying2bgd Mon 18-Dec-17 13:03:09

Please you know some messed up people!

But then so do I!

PleaseDoTellMeAgain Mon 18-Dec-17 13:03:25


So much for a lighthearted, potentially cathartic thread discussing throwaway bullshit without an added agenda.

BeyondAssignation Mon 18-Dec-17 13:03:36

I have never been told I can't be a feminist because xyz. And I associate with some seriously hard-core feminists. Neither has anyone I know said they have been told it.

I have however seen a lot of people claim they have been told it on the Internet. Especially here. I wonder what the difference is?

AssassinatedBeauty Mon 18-Dec-17 13:04:28

Yeah, there are often threads about this that are not light hearted on here which is probably why people have interpreted it as a serious post.

BeyondAssignation Mon 18-Dec-17 13:05:18

I'd generally take a random bloke telling me I was a bad feminist as a sign I was actually a good one. Men disapproving of your feminism generally shows it is doing what it's supposed to

GoodLittleWoman Mon 18-Dec-17 13:06:28

So much for a lighthearted, potentially cathartic thread discussing throwaway bullshit without an added agenda.

How were we meant to know?

IrkThePurist Mon 18-Dec-17 13:06:31

I wonder what the difference is?
Oo, I know this one!
'You cant be a feminist because I say so' is the rallying cry of the cult of penis. Send me my prize grin

PleaseDoTellMeAgain Mon 18-Dec-17 13:06:51

Yeah, on the Internet it's usually the physical attributes, because that's all someone can glean without knowing you.

The only people who say this in real life generally don't have the first clue what feminism is, but I have been told by someone I used to respect that being a stay at home Mum meant I'm "not really a feminist because you're just giving in to the patriarchy" which was a bit much.

Anyways, it was just for a laught. My mistake. Apologies

IrkThePurist Mon 18-Dec-17 13:08:22

No apology needed - we could work out some good responses to use.

WTAFisthisshit Mon 18-Dec-17 13:11:00

Because I wear heels, like doing my hair, nails and make up, dressed my kids in pink and let them play with Disney princess, at times I haven't worked and have been perfectly happy spending OH's salary during those times. Oh and my kids have OH's name and I use 'miss'.

This board has taught me those people are talking bollocks. smile

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Mon 18-Dec-17 13:15:58

I was told by a boyfriend once that I couldn't be a feminist if I read Viz.

Looking back, I wonder why it was just Viz and not all the other products of a patriarchal culture containing some sexist depictions of women. Would I have been allowed to read D.H.Lawrence, for example?
But for some reason it was just Viz.

PleaseDoTellMeAgain Mon 18-Dec-17 13:18:58

Now, I have told DP that I will only marry him IF we double barrel our names and straight away his family started with the "oh that's feminist bullshit".

No, I'm keeping my name because it belongs to me and I am proud of the people it comes from, but if it were to deny the patriarchal expectation then that too is my right. Luckily DP would do anything for me so they can swivel.

pallisers Mon 18-Dec-17 13:22:52

You can't be a feminist if you don't acknowledge the patriarchy, sex based oppression and male supremacy. Or you have a penis. The end.

Genuine question - you can't be a feminist if you are a man? Is that part of the definition? If so it is news to me. Feminist Coalition in my kids' school has several male members. I would consider my husband a feminist - he certainly acknowledges the patriarchy, sex-based oppression and male supremacy.

WitchesHatRim Mon 18-Dec-17 13:25:22

How were we meant to know?

It says in the OP...

AssassinatedBeauty Mon 18-Dec-17 13:27:21

It doesn't say lighthearted in the OP

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