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How do you cope with all the recent sex scandals?

(8 Posts)
RagingFemininist Sun 12-Nov-17 07:12:28

Not sure if this would belong to this space or Relationhsip so please bear with me....

Relationship with H is and has been hard work for quite a while. In particular, I have felt invisible in the marriage, taken for granted, my feelings and problems dismissed as me overreacting etc....
I am working towards leaving (but unable to do so just now -lots of reasons for that).

On the other side, in the last couple months Ive come across more and more articles on the positions of women in our society. The sex scandals etc... seem to have unleash a furry of articles denouncing the way women are treated. From the idea that men do not trust women feelings to the way sexual assault is still seen as an over the top reaction and women are just ‘little flowers that should just get on with their lives’ [rather than making a fuss about a sexual assault that happened years ago].
Each of those articles seem to rub salt in my own personal wounds iyswim. And makes me wonder if there is ever a man that would be able to treat a woman as an equal.
To make things worse, I have two teen boys who I can see have inherited similar thought patterns (eg asking their dad a technical question when I am much more able to answer said question than him....) so I feel I’ve somehow failed in my parenting too.

So my question is, how do you cope with the constant reminders of our society is and how it’s so geared towards putting women acheivemnets (or is that just women?) down?
I’m getting too annoyed at H for acting as society is expecting to behave.....

daisychain01 Sun 12-Nov-17 07:20:55

If I were you I’d focus on building your self esteem which has eroded through being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you.

Once you are free of that burden I can guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better.

You will exhaust yourself trying to right the wrongs of society in general. Start with you, focus on changing your life for the better. Give positive messages about respect for all people (male and female) to your DSs even if it falls on deaf ears now, it will sink in over time.

RagingFemininist Sun 12-Nov-17 13:11:48

Had a bit of think since this am.
I dint think I have any major self esteem issues.

However, I am righteous angry at the way women are treated. And seeing it unfolding in front of my eyes at home reminds me that no one is really escaping form that (H has a lot of defaults but he is outright sexist - though he does act sometimes like he is expected to from society, which is is sexist iyswim)
I feel that I am constantly surrounded by stories about how badly treated women are and how little understanding men have of the situation (see the thread going on AIBU on sexism and racism, sexism being seen as a lesser issue).
And I suppose I feel powerless - H doesn't see the issue (like most men). Dcs are growing up with some of those beliefs too (school and what they see happening at home?). So if I can’t change what is happening in my own home, what chances is there to change things at a country/world level?

LeCroissant Sun 12-Nov-17 13:18:05

Welcome to feminism! The rose-tinted glasses are well and truly off and it is really really hard to see things as they are.

My advice would be to carry on posting here, about everything that bothers you and ignore the goady fuckers who inevitably pop up on a regular basis. Ideally, find women that you can talk to about this in real life, women who also get it. Talk to your sons as much as you can about how you think and feel. And get away from your partner asap (not an easy one I know).

You will get a lot of support here. You're in the right place.

LeCroissant Sun 12-Nov-17 13:20:41

I should add, working this all through in your head is essential and a slow difficult process. It doesn't necessarily make things better but it gives you a better handle on things and allows you to make different choices that work better for you.

Once you've done that (and got free of your partner) you can then think about joining a group/campaigning/volunteering/setting up a non-profit in order to make a practical change. It might feel like a drop in the ocean but every single voice makes us louder.

RagingFemininist Sun 12-Nov-17 15:23:56

I was actually thinking about joining a group/campaign as a way to make a Difference!
Well not just now. My own health and relationhsip seem to have taken all the space up grin

It feels hard to deal with. As if suddenly most of the behaviour I seen around me is the consequence of that.
Like I could see some of H behaviours as him being a twat but now it feels like actually it’s just deep misogyny.

I though I was quite on the ball re patriarchy etc... it’s just that suddenly it has acquired a depth I didn’t know existed.
It’s unsettling. And making those last months with H much harder work!

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 12-Nov-17 16:31:24

I thought I was processing fine, DH is great and I was angry but not full of rage. Until last night when DH’s friend decided to tell me our grandparents had more opportunities than us. I said, “maybe you mean grandfathers?” No. It turns out women’s ‘opportunity’ was to support their family. Lucky them. I was livid. Thank fuck DH was right behind me.

So sick of some men thinking that because the men are happy, women are blissfully thankful to be allowed to look after a home. Wanker.

RagingFemininist Sun 12-Nov-17 16:35:26

Full of rage is exactely how I am feeling atm.

It’s like H behaviour is fulling that anger into rage by his behaviour.

Very strange how my waking up from his unacceptable behaviour seems to go with my own waking up from the reality of our society.

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