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Listening to vile conversations

(14 Posts)
4seasons Mon 06-Nov-17 14:33:29

My daughter has been forced to listen to a man in the office opposite hers using the most vile language . He works for a different company and she's often in her office alone. She can hear him through two doors ! This morning he was on the phone telling someone on the other end that "she wasn't available for sex as she was in a period. " He then asked for recommendations for prostitutes in the area he was off to for business .... all accompanied by mysoginistic and vile language. Sounds a great guy doesn't he ? My daughter has said she intends to take his photograph and post it on social media along with his comments. I've questioned the wisdom of this and suggested instead that she contacts his firm and tells them what she has to put up with on a daily basis. What do people think ? Any suggestions as to how best to deal with this ?

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Mon 06-Nov-17 14:56:27

Contacting the firm is a far better idea. Ideally someone higher up in her own firm should deal with it though - is there anyone she can go to? Her line manager or HR?

nauticant Mon 06-Nov-17 15:41:36

My daughter has said she intends to take his photograph and post it on social media along with his comments.

This would be a bad idea. In her shoes I'd record parts of a couple of the conversations, I'd make some notes of things said, with times and dates, and I'd contact his company.

nauticant Mon 06-Nov-17 15:42:54

That would be contact his company via Her line manager or HR as TheCountessofFitzdotterel suggests.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Mon 06-Nov-17 17:42:54

She should not record the conversation. She can keep notes of dates , times , what was said. She should then speak to her own manager.

tiktok Mon 06-Nov-17 18:39:46

Mad idea to post on social media. Illegal to record without his consent.

Really, the sensible approach is to ask him to tone his conversation down as it is offensive, and to note she has done so to HR or her line manager. She can just take it to the line manager and ask to keep it anonymous if she prefers, but there is no shame in finding his overheard conversations unacceptable.

y0ungMum Mon 06-Nov-17 19:06:52

Maybe your daughter should mind her own business?
Don't mean to be rude but people hear unpleasant conversations all day long and simply chose to ignore them. I once had a co worker talking to his friend in the office about sleeping with a woman, did I then go and complain to HR? Absolutely not, I thought "what a vile man" and got on with my day. Maybe your daughter should learn to, too? Is another mans conversation really affecting her life so much, there is much bigger problems in the world and worse things to hear than a man being disgusting, please move on.
As for posting his picture on social media, or recording him, this is a complete breach of his rights and she has no right to do that to him period, regardless if she liked his conversation or not.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Mon 06-Nov-17 19:09:08

It is not illegal to record the conversation but the doing anything with it afterwards without his consent is very problematic.

Newspapers do it but they rely on it being in the public interest and they have deep pockets and access to lawyers.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Mon 06-Nov-17 19:15:53

Don't mean to be rude but people hear unpleasant conversations all day long and simply chose to ignore them. I once had a co worker talking to his friend in the office about sleeping with a woman, did I then go and complain to HR?

I am an employer. My partners and I employ around 300 people. I have a duty to my employees that they are not subjected to sexist, racist or bullying behaviour. That includes having to hear conversations of a sexual nature , regardless of whether the employee is directly involved.

An employee having a conversation about his sex life, in my time, in front of my employee, is very much something I would want to know about and would deal with.

NoLoveofMine Mon 06-Nov-17 19:17:49

there is much bigger problems in the world

Please do let me know the level at which a "problem" becomes "big" enough to be worthy of objecting to so I know what I'm allowed to challenge.

Quite something you think misogynist language in the workplace is acceptable and something women should just put up with. She should "mind her own business" yet a man talking loudly demeaning women is fine (it wouldn't be anywhere, let alone at work). Of course you're up in arms at the supposed "breach of his rights" of being recorded, aren't there bigger things to worry about? Such as girls and women having photographs taken without consent and shared on social media constantly?

MoistCantaloupe Tue 07-Nov-17 10:08:37

I expect he doesn't know she can hear, so she isn't really being 'forced' to listen as he is unaware and she hasn't brought the matter to attention yet. If she had brought it to attention and he said 'I don't care'' and carried on, that's more 'forced'.

Social media is a crazy idea. Just chat to the manager. He sounds like a hideous person.

PiffleandWiffle Tue 07-Nov-17 11:22:45

If your daughter does that then she's more likely to end up on Jobseekers than he is.

That would breach so many of the workplace social media policies - and probably quite a few legal ones too - he's not saying these things in a public space, it's in (as far as he's concerned) the privacy of his office.

Maybe she should do the grownup thing, knock on the door & say "Excuse me, we can hear everything you're saying, can you keep it down please."

If nothing changes after that, she should then go down the HR route.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Tue 07-Nov-17 13:46:49

Maybe she should do the grownup thing, knock on the door & say "Excuse me, we can hear everything you're saying, can you keep it down please."

Yes agreed that is a sensible first step. If they had the same employer I might suggest HR in the first instance.

Childrenofthestones Wed 08-Nov-17 22:45:28

"My daughter has said she intends to take his photograph and post it on social media along with his comments"

As.much as he comes across as an obnoxious nasty prick, she comes across as a massive control freak.
As others have said she has just nearly earned herself a trip to the job centre.

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