Patriarchy

[DaisyRaine90]

Is it really so bad to have a patriarchal household??

I mean, feminism is about equality right so it should be 50:50 in diff households ??

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Huh?

[RebelFreddyVSRogueJason]

Say what now?

[DaisyRaine90]

Like a home with a stronger male head of family than female head?

I grew up in a feminist household where my mothers needs where always put above everyone else’s as the “matriarch”

But is it really so wrong to have a man as the head of a household?

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

I grew up in a feminist household where my mothers needs where always put above everyone else’s as the “matriarch”

That’s not really feminism.

[Missymoo100]

I read a post in here a few week back about what feminists think is feminisms number one cause and answers to the affect of "destroying the patriarchy"... I would like to know what that means in the western world? What do people who say this actually mean? how in the uk do you think it manifests itself? Do you have actual examples? All I hear supporting this notion is that only x% of women are in boardrooms... which ignores lifestyle choices women make, i.e. Having children- and undermines the fact many women want this, I want this, I am not a victim of patriarchy I know my own mind. Women upto age of 30 on average earn more than men in the U.K., they make up a larger percentage of graduates, they attain better grades. Why the obsession with the board room? Why don't we want to be fork lift truck drivers, refuse collectors, builders... why don't we want equality here?
I think there are womens issues such as lack of maternity cover in USA, honour based violence in U.K. That get hardly any coverage... but so much focus on male privilege/toxic masculinity. I watched a programme on tv tonight where someone was saying "look around you patriarchy isn't working". ... in what way? I don't feel hard done by as a woman living in uk, I'm grateful for the contribution men make to society, how they do dangerous jobs women don't want, I'm grateful for the men that have died for the things we take for granted.
I am not going to bring my daughters up telling them they will never amount to anything, they must play out the victim role, because the "patriarchy" is against them, because it isn't true! they can achieve anything they want.
I'd like facts on patriarchy because I don't believe it is as big of a problem as it's made out to be, and to what extent it actually plays out?
I recognise it has been an issue in the past and I'm happy that women fought back, but surely the battles largely been won in this front? If you disagree where do you see injustice and how do you relate it to patriarchy? How do you thing it should be addressed?

[LineysRun]

Yeah, right

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@Missymoo100 two words: Harvey Weinstein. Media, power, inequality and justice all bundled up for you.

OP my childhood home was a feminist one. No one ‘in charge’, choices made based on everyone’s needs and equal chores/work.

[DaisyRaine90]

My DP does most of the housework and we share the child rearing and cooking.

I would have thought that was quite feminist but apparently not??

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

Women upto age of 30 on average earn more than men in the U.K
Only slightly. Then it plummets when they have children.

Why don't we want to be fork lift truck drivers, refuse collectors, builders... why don't we want equality here?
Same reason men don’t want to be toilet cleaners I guess.

I'm grateful for the men that have died for the things we take for granted.
Yes, whilst fighting against other men who wanted to take away said things and kill lots of people in the process.
Besides women weren’t allowed.

"look around you patriarchy isn't working". ... in what way?

War, rape, general violence.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I would have thought that was quite feminist but apparently not??

According to who?

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Women upto age of 30 on average earn more than men in the U.K
Only slightly. Then it plummets when they have children

Well yes- if you aren't actually in work or only working part time your wage will go down.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@LassWiTheDelicateAir it plummets generally for women, not just those who take career breaks.

[Battleax]

read a post in here a few week back about what feminists think is feminisms number one cause and answers to the affect of "destroying the patriarchy"... I would like to know what that means in the western world? What do people who say this actually mean? how in the uk do you think it manifests itself? Do you have actual examples?

Sexual harassment culture is a great example. It's patriarchal for society to look away from behaviours such as HW's.

The fact that most single parents are women and most single parents receive little or no child support is another. It's structurally patriarchal to fail to address parenting inequalities with appropriate policy. Sky high childcare costs are another example.

[Battleax]

OP, how are you defining "head of the household"? Biggest earner? Bossiest adult? Best houseworker?

[theaveragewife]

The UK medical system - patriarchal.

[PlumpSquirrel]

Being one of two males in a team of nine, I’ve personally seen several of my female colleagues (mostly in their 30s) miss out on advancement opportunities through having children. I don’t know what the solution is though - the company typically wants somebody to start their new role ASAP as it’s driven by a specific business need.

My sister had a senior job in the MOD and gave it up to have several children over the past decade. Had she not done so she would undoubtedly have been promoted again as she was one of the most respected in her team.

[SonicBoomBoom]

I am not going to bring my daughters up telling them they will never amount to anything, they must play out the victim role, because the "patriarchy" is against them, because it isn't true! they can achieve anything they want.

Except if she wants to make it to the boardroom, eh. Because even if they work hard at school, get good grades, go to a top university, get a great graduate job that pays more than most men and excel in the role - she'll still be overtaken by a dozen mediocre colleagues called John by the time she is 30.

And she'll still be at risk of sexual assault every time she goes for a night out with friends.

Not much of a Win, is it.

[PlumpSquirrel]

I’d have thought she might have a better chance than the average guy if quotas are put in place. Like how women have a 2:1 chance of getting the job when compared to men in some STEM subjects. Even if not, it’s not like the average guy ends up a director by any stretch - it’s certainly not an objective anyone can take as a given.

[jellyfrizz]

All I hear supporting this notion is that only x% of women are in boardrooms... which ignores lifestyle choices women make, i.e. Having children- and undermines the fact many women want this

Men want children too but that doesn't seem to affect the number of men in the boardroom does it?

[DaisyRaine90]

All three Battleaxe

Mostly final say on financial decisions and kids schooling etc.

But also the strongest character in the family:

I’m far from submissive but I don’t wear the trousers most of the time

He will always earn more than me but both earning (or I will be once off maternity)

Both studying an furthering ourselves:

Combined childcare and house work (he cleans, I do the babies bottles and all the washing)

[DaisyRaine90]

I handle the shopping and petty cash, he deals with the bigger stuff especially anything which involves solicitors 😊

[DaisyRaine90]

He cuts the grass

I wake up in the night for the baby

It’s semi traditional in some ways

[BertrandRussell]

He cuts the grass 4 times a night every night?

[thatstoast]

Your experience as an individual doesn't really matter when society is structured on such a way to disadvantage women overall.

You can't "average out" equality because some women have it better than others.

[SpookghosttiAndMeatboos]

I'm grateful for the men that have died for the things we take for granted.

In war, 50% of deaths are non-combatants (ie, women, children, elderly) - this has been pretty consistent throughout the ages.

I've always thought that the ideal would be more of a team - two adults looking around them and getting stuff done - perhaps one person takes responsibility for a task like car insurance, but both are responsible for changing the loo roll for instance. I think that as a rule, if you've got good communication, you don't need a 'head of household' - even my example of car insurance, it's not like the other person doesn't need to know about it - you'd at least say 'Oh, I was sorting out the car insurance, I think we'll go with Swinton's this year because they've offered a good deal'