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Raising a feminist boy as a single mother

(6 Posts)
QueenNefertitty Fri 06-Oct-17 20:21:00

Inspired by lots of the posts I've read lately...

I'm a single mother to one 1yo boy- and am determined to raise him to not just with a feminist ideology, but to actively challenge the misogynistic views I don't doubt many of his peers will exhibit.

My worry is, that as his mother, these messages coming from me alone, may feel as he gets older a little like "it's another thing Mum goes on about" rather than "this is a social thing, and vitally important thing". How do I give him an understanding of why feminism is so very important, for men and women, simply, and without "lecturing"?

How do I stop him feeling like it's "Mum being Mum", and help him see the bigger picture?

My extended family are in no way feminist - women or men- and my DS' father, while somewhat involved, and a true feminist in the sense that gender simply does not register for him- he never assigns gender roles or betrays patriarchal beliefs, even implicitly- isn't very good at articulating anything that isn't a technical instruction.

Any hints and tips greatly appreciated!

DJBaggySmalls Fri 06-Oct-17 20:36:28

You have to live it, not just teach it. It starts with the relationship between you two. He is his own person, not an extension of you.

Raise them with unconditional love, and a sense of fair play and justice, especially when it comes to discipline between you.
Dont assume they know anything, tell them, explicitly spell it out in plain English.
Listen. Tell them they can tell you anything, and you;ll just listen and not wig out; then you'll help them figure out how they want to deal with the problem.
Teach boundaries, teach them to give and receive a clear No without embarrassment.
Demonstrate empathy and compassion, chivalry towards the disabled, respect to the elderly.
Encourage them to have interests.
Tell them your job is to raise them and give them life skills and coping skills, and hand over responsibility gradually as they feel able to take them on. That you'll be there to support them through the process.

Imo, people who are loved are able to love others.

QueenNefertitty Fri 06-Oct-17 20:43:39

@baggysmalls

Wise words all of them - thank you!

NikiBabe Fri 06-Oct-17 20:46:22

I'm a single mother to one 1yo boy- and am determined to raise him to not just with a feminist ideology, but to actively challenge the misogynistic views I don't doubt many of his peers will exhibit.

Thing is you can't make your child passionate about something they aren't even if you live it. In fact it can cause some children to hate it, resent it.

mumside Sat 07-Oct-17 22:04:40

Just raise him good and he'll treat people equal. You never even have to say the word feminism.

TheSandersonSisters Sat 07-Oct-17 22:11:31

Yeah i agree not to even have to say the word feminism or label it, i would just lead by example. You wont need to lecture him, he will hopefully be headstrong enough to either ignore or re-educate his misogynistic peers/people he comes across in his life after following you and listening to you from bieng a tot. I have the same aim for my DS but hes only 6mo.

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