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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Why do men use prostitutes?

392 replies

QuentinSummers · 01/08/2017 06:12

Guardian have published a summary of a research project here
www.theguardian.com/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes
Men were asked what would put them off. A criminal record, an ASBO or their employer being told was the answer. Finding out the woman was pimped or coerced apparently not so much.
Not sure how that squares with the full decriminalisation model.

OP posts:

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VestalVirgin · 01/08/2017 06:22

Well, obviously. If they didn't want to rape, there would be no demand for doing just that.

Surprised they dread the employer finding out more than their wives finding out. Apparently, when the Nordic Model was first implemented in Sweden, some policemen didn't apply it as intended and were very understanding about men's wish to have the letters concerning their crime sent to their workplace instead of their home address.

Perhaps things have changed. More women in high ranking positions, I suppose; if a man's boss is a woman, he can't hope for her to be so understanding of his wish to rape a woman for pay.

Not sure how that squares with the full decriminalisation model.

Um, full decriminalisation isn't meant to stop prostitution, it is meant to ensure that men have access to prostitutes, and for that, it works pretty well, now, doesn't it?
I am not fooled by a moment by the claims that it is to make prostituted women safer.

CaoNiMartacus · 01/08/2017 07:47

I am not fooled by a moment by the claims that it is to make prostituted women safer.

^ This.

I've been watching the BBC series about the decriminalised zone in Leeds, with mounting dismay.

If any other marginalised/oppressed group were so unremittingly and consistently abused within the mainstream as women are, there would be outcry.

Ohnomoomoos · 01/08/2017 08:09

Men use prostitutes because it's ingrained into them from an early age that they are entitled to sex, that they need sex, that it's their right to have and that women, especially a certain type of woman are there for men's convenience.

user1498662042 · 01/08/2017 12:31

Quite possibly:

Because they're ugly and no one wants to have sex with them for free.
Because it's easier and quicker than going out on the pull.

QuentinSummers · 01/08/2017 12:48

Did you read the article user?

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user1498662042 · 01/08/2017 13:17

Yes, and it went into lots of interesting details. But I should think they're the core reasons. Men who lack the social skills or looks to go out and pull someone for casual sex just pay for someone instead. All the stuff about their childhoods etc is secondary.

I want to make a very clear distinction between 'reasons' and justifications. I'm not making excuses for them.

QuentinSummers · 01/08/2017 13:37

I ask because the author interviewed over 700 men and said
The men didn't fall into obvious stereotypes. They were aged between 18 and 70 years old; they were white, black, Asian, eastern European; most were employed and many were educated beyond school level. In the main they were presentable, polite, with average-to-good social skills. Many were husbands and boyfriends; just over half were either married or in a relationship with a woman.

Your first point is totally unsubstantiated.

Your second has some merit, but exposes that what men want is a female body to give them an orgasm, with no interest in putting any kind of effort in. Similar to what ohnomoomoos said

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BertrandRussell · 01/08/2017 13:41

Because they hate women?

Ohnomoomoos · 01/08/2017 16:28

I'm not even convinced that the men believe that they actually hate women. They just see women as commodities. A large section of men consciously or subconsciously see women as being there for domestic and sexual servitude.

Most cultures across the world still feed this to boys from an early age.

CeeBeeBee · 01/08/2017 17:36

Having read the article, I'm not surprised by some of the responses. I was, however, particularly disturbed by the man not wanting the prostitute to experience the pleasure and that he'd feel cheated if she did. That's pure misogyny right there. Many of them also dismissive of the possibility of trafficking and abuse. Some justifying the need to pay it the other option is to rape....

The excuses go on and on but somehow we are still to blame and that it's not they're fault that they NEED to wank into something.

user1498662042 · 01/08/2017 20:12

Your second has some merit, but exposes that what men want is a female body to give them an orgasm, with no interest in putting any kind of effort in.

Lots of them do. Fact of life.

People put 'effort' into relationships. The whole idea of casual sex however is that people's sexual appetites are satisfied with the least possible effort - with 'no strings attached' as they say. You have no emotional investment in the other person. You might feel obliged to be civil to them, but they are basically a fuck - an instrument of pleasure. Just like as you might be civil to your plumber, his or her purpose to you is to fix the leak in your bathroom. This is what casual sex is.

If people - men - who juts want a fuck feel that it is too hard to get on Tinder or wherever, then they might be inclined to simply pay a woman. They might be ugly or inadequate, or they may have simply been swiping right (or is it left - I honestly wouldn't know) all day with no success.

By the way, I am not in any sense morally excusing this logic, or prostitution, just saying that, when it comes down to it, this is what is happening.

cadnowyllt · 01/08/2017 20:21

042 You have to put in something about hate too, or they would give you any credence. Its a big thing on here, the idea that 'men hate women'. Tosh, but hey-ho.

user1498662042 · 01/08/2017 20:28

I should think some of these men do hate women, or at least have very little respect for them. Anyone who uses another person for sexual gratification has little respect for them - whether money is changing hands or not.

cadnowyllt · 01/08/2017 20:30

Then why hatred - that's a very strong word. I can see some men not having any respect for prostitutes, but hatred, really ?

QuentinSummers · 01/08/2017 20:56

The whole idea of casual sex however is that people's sexual appetites are satisfied with the least possible effort - with 'no strings attached' as they say
There's no issue with casual sex, in that arrangement both parties are there to get off on it, it's fun for both sides.
In prostitution the man only is there to get off on it and has put no thought into how the woman might feel about it (or, as described by one of those punters, really doesn't want her to enjoy it because he's paid). Its totally different if you consider both parties in the encounter (conversely it's only the same if the only perspective you consider is the man's orgasm).
I think most men aren't purely motivated by their own pleasure which is why most don't use prostitutes but would have casual sex.

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Kursk · 01/08/2017 21:02

Asked DH for a male perspective, his answer was:

A: No emotional attachment
B: They are lazy, less effort goes into paying a woman.

user1498662042 · 01/08/2017 21:13

There's no issue with casual sex, in that arrangement both parties are there to get off on it, it's fun for both sides.

That's often not the case. One party is often involved because they think sex might lead to love, or because they're drunk, or because they're subject to peer pressure, or because they've been abused - or for a million other reasons.

The only way both parties could find out for sure that the other is there for fun, is if they spent some time getting to know one another. But then of course they would be in a RELATIONSHIP and they wouldn't be having CASUAL sex.

MissMoneyPlant · 01/08/2017 21:31

The whole idea of casual sex however is that people's sexual appetites are satisfied with the least possible effort - with 'no strings attached' as they say.

I disagree. This implies that relationships are just regular sex with lots of effort! Which admittedly many men seem to think. IMO casual sex is just about enjoying the sex without that needing to be in the context of a relationship. In much the same way as you might enjoy any activity with someone, without wanting to be in a romantic relationship with them. Not because it's too much effort but because there's just a whole load of different considerations.

Anyway your reasoning makes no sense, because it would equally apply to women yet women don't act entitled to men's bodies.

user1498662042 · 01/08/2017 21:45

Anyway your reasoning makes no sense, because it would equally apply to women yet women don't act entitled to men's bodies.

No, because of patriarchy. Though they can do, and they will do increasingly as they gain more sexual power. The number of women committing sex crimes is going up. This is only to be expected. I suppose true equality will only be achieved when there are equal numbers of men and women feeling entitled to people's bodies.

I remember a guy coming out of an old housemates room years ago. "Is he a new fella?' I asked. 'Oh no, he's just a utility' she laughed.

The thing is (and we can argue about the reasons why all day long) is that this guy PROBABLY wouldn't have minded being described as utility, when a woman would...

Though, saying that, maybe he would have minded. We'll never know will we?

cadnowyllt · 01/08/2017 21:58

yet women don't act entitled to men's bodies

But these men don't have an entitlement to the prostitute's body either - that's why its a sex-for-money contact.

cadnowyllt · 01/08/2017 21:58

should be 'contract'.

QuentinSummers · 01/08/2017 22:07

They do feel entitled cadno because they think their desire for an orgasm entitles them to pay a woman who wouldn't ordinarily go near them.
I really don't understand how else a man could justify that to himself other than entitlement.

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QuentinSummers · 01/08/2017 22:10

user do you have a source that the number of sex crimes committed by women is going up?
I can only find this article and the example they start off with is of a transgender woman
www.google.co.uk/amp/www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/truth-female-sex-offenders/amp/

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user1498662042 · 01/08/2017 22:22

I have it on the authority of a family member who sometimes works with CEOP. The incidence of women caught downloading sexual imagery children is going up. The increased availability of such material probably partly accounts for that though.

www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/551999/Women-sex-offenders-rise-Over-100-convicted-sex-crimes

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-19091796

Ohnomoomoos · 01/08/2017 22:29

For me, the important thing here is that the men that use prostitutes, they know that most of these women will be vulnerable. Whether they e been trafficked, are drug or alcohol dependent, desperate for money, yet they still do it.

Whether or not they want casual sex is irrelevant imo, let's not kid ourselves that 9 times out of 10 these women are being exploited.

You've got to wonder about a human being that's willing to not only use another human as a wank sack, but is willing to fuck somebody they know probably finds them repulsive, and where there's no mutual enjoyment.

You've got to ask yourself about a society where a man is so entitled to sex he will ejaculate into a woman at any cost.

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