Anybody experience sexism at work and what to do about it?!

[Pombliboo123]

I'm a fairly young female, work in a male dominated office environment. Not senior enough to really stand up for myself without getting into trouble.

Absolutely pig sick of the men in my office treating me like I'm worthless.

Just a small example...

Pombliboo... we need read and coffees in the board room.

Erm that's not actually my responsibility anymore (worked hard from receptionist to get to where I am now).

Well you booked the training course so you have to make the lunch and coffees.

I didn't book the course.... male colleague (same level as me) did

Well he's far to busy you need to do it.

And then instructed to clean up the meeting room after they had all finished.

Spoke to my (amazing) line manager (female) Who spoke with the CEO and he completely shut her down and said that the women need to be doing it as then mens time is more valuable.

Same man who told me after I requested a deserved pay rise that I was paid average "for a woman".

This happens EVERY DAY.

Pombliboo can you go and get me a notebook? (Wtf I work in HR...)

Erm no you can find them in the cupboard downstairs

Straight into the CEO office complaint about I'm not doing my job?!?!?!? CEO agrees and tells me to get the notebook?!?!

How can I put my foot down without getting fired?!?!

[Pombliboo123]

Terrible grammar... I'm usually much better but I'm just so angry.

The male colleagues at the same level as me never get asked to do these things, And when I point this out it gets met with but we know you will do it better. WTF

[VestalVirgin]

WTF?

They sound utterly horrible and hopeless, I would recommend changing jobs if at all possible. Sorry.

Can't imagine a way to make them change their ways.

If you can't ... spit in their coffee. Even better, make them believe that you spit in their coffee, but don't actually do it, so that there's no proof against you.

Sorry for not being helpful.

[thatstoast]

I've avoided a lot of this but not being able to make tea or coffee to any decent standard. Do you want to pretend to be a mormon? That doesn't help with notepads though.

I'd love to say you can do x, y, z and it'll stop but it is easier to find a new job. If you don't want the easy route then I would recommend joining a union, start documenting everything and use your grievance procedure.

[user1496321962]

No. Thank God

[AskBasil]

what sort of organisation is it?

d'you have a union.

how long have you worked there

[Pombliboo123]

Thanks for the replies... I like the spitting in the coffee idea

I have thought about getting another job... but I really enjoy the work (not the extra "woman duties" And I get along so well with my line manager so I would be sad to go because of those reasons if I did leave.

I've been there for nearly 3 years, in 4 different positions. This only started to happen when the company was purchased by an investment company, merged with a similar company and the management team essentially replaced... before that it was great! No union... it's an engineering company specialising in offshore/wind farm work so private sector.

I think it's so hard because it stems from the top (CEO). If I thought I would have any support from the top I would stand my ground and point out the blatent sexism but what can you do when the big man will belittle you as well?!

[AngelaTwerkel]

Take notes of every incident, large and small.

Join a union and ask their advice. I don't know which one but being in the private sector doesn't preclude membership.

This us disgraceful!

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

I feel for you. I also experience sexism daily, although it is usually more covert than what you have been experiencing, which can be frustrating because that makes it harder to prove.

All I can suggest is that you ask for things in writing and document your experiences.

[DJBaggySmalls]

Keep an incident diary and contact ACAS.

[Datun]

I would ask for a copy of your job description.

If making the lunch and coffee isn't on it, I would asked for a copy of the job description that includes those duties.

If you are asked to do a task that isn't covered by your job description I would point it out to the person asking and then suggest they contact HR to let them know who is responsible for that task.

Could you also ask for a copy of their equality policy. As the comment 'for a woman' is a sex discrimination issue.

Remain civil and polite.

If you don't have an HR department, and the sexism is coming from the top down it's much more difficult.

If you want to leave, you can take this issue and make it very difficult for them, but if you don't want to leave it's much harder.

It's difficult to believe, in this day and age, that you are being subjected to this.

I too would be furious. I am, in fact, on your behalf!

[TheSparrowhawk]

The thing I always advise in situations like this is to invest in the most powerful weapon you can ever have in a toxic environment - a notebook. Keep it with you and when you're asked to do something outside your job, or you're faced with a sexist comment, write it down and make it very very clear you're writing it down. Ask people to repeat what they've said and read it back to them for clarification as in 'Sorry, what was that? Ok let me just write that down, you said 'You're paid average, for a woman' is that right? Ok, so that's said by X on X date.' Then put the notebook away and say nothing.

It is amazingly effective.

[Datun]

TheSparrowhawk

That's genius.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

Certainly better than the idea I was brewing which involved laxatives.

[EBearhug]

The TUC website has a union finder tool.

There have been plenty of articles written on how a more diverse workplace is better for business - better decision making and so on. They're probably not going to persuade such ingrained sexist as these sound, though. It's depressing that anyone still thinks it's acceptable to behave this way.

[Severalusernameslater]

I'd be open about it,

[Severalusernameslater]

My phones awful sos. Big book Called today's sexist requests, let them joke, put them in too. Write each one, then if you carried the task out. If you say no, say no that's sexist, with a smile, they'll stop Or give you cause and proof. But said with some jest so they can't really say much, like sure Ask the female to make coffee cos I'm a girl, I make shit coffee haha, let me write in down in the book. Or leave.

[OlennasWimple]

Love the notebook plan.

OP, I think you said you work in HR, which makes things much harder as you are the department you would go to for advice...

Have you had a serious talk with your manager, along the lines of "I'm thinking of leaving because of all this sexist crap"?

On a practical level, whose job is it to make the coffee for meetings? If you used to do it when you were the receptionist (and BTW it can be really really hard to shake off former roles when you get promoted in the same company), who is the receptionist now?

[Thingvellir]

I've done the visibly writing in a notebook thing, it was 100% effective in stopping overt sexism - covert sexism is a lot harder of course. Stopping overt comments and behaviours at least improves your day to day life. My issues in the past have been with localised department cultures or individuals, the company I work for is not sexist at core and has policies in place to protect and foster female colleagues.

I really think you need to have a frank discussion with your line manager as Olenna suggests - did she have similar issues? Are other females in the workplace having issues? Possibly there is a way to resolve by combining forces with HR?

If that's not possible/palatable to you I can't see that you have any long term solution other than leaving this toxic company. The fact that it comes from the CEO makes it very difficult unless you have enough evidence of mistreatment to bring a meaningful court case. Deprive the CEO and company of your skills and take them elsewhere.

[Tokelau]

In one job, when I was continuously asked to make the coffee, I made it very strong. When they said it was too strong and asked me to make it weaker next time, I made it stronger. My excuse was that I don't drink coffee, so find it hard to judge the right amount. It seemed to work after a while.

In the same job, we took turns covering reception as the receptionist was having cancer treatment, and we wanted to make sure she kept her job. I had a degree, had worked there for a few years, and had had a similar job elsewhere. There was a male temp, he was about 19, no degree and no experience. I was told that I had to cover reception instead of him as they couldn't expect a man to work on reception.

[erinaceus]

The first question is do you want to stay in this job or not?

If you do, then you need to developing more strategies. There is an overhead to the strategies - both their development and their execution - but if you crack on with them they become second nature. Or at least, that is my experience. I do not have to take crap these days. I have been in the role five years nearly, had my share of disagreements, and read a ton of books though.

Do not spit in the coffee. That is disgusting. Do not make the coffee, and do not spit in it. Just do not do it. Does your organisation have a central catering department? Does your manager or manager's manager have an administrative assistant? It depends on the nature of your organisation, as to how the strategies develop.

[Pombliboo123]

Thank you all for your replies. It's really sad that in 2017 these things are still going on.

I think I will get a notebook and note down every time something happens (I may also include when I see it happening to the other females in the office as well).

I also think a serious chat with my line manager is in order. We have quite often (weekly) epic rants about it but not to the point of finding a solution.

I have tried to say oh that's not actually part of my role anymore, but X downstairs looks after all that so you could call her. And I'm usually met with a "but you're right here" or well I'll leave it to you to call her and sort it out.

CEO first day he pulled all the female admin assistants into a meeting to tell us that we were to be responsible for the housekeeping of the building as it wasn't to his standards. The 2 male admin assistants were not invited to this meeting. One of the females pointed this out and the CEO said that they shouldn't even be in admin roles they should be engineering roles... And subsequently promoted them and increased their pay.

My manager does deal with A LOT of sexism as well... not making coffees etc as she is a manager but always asked to deal with any cleaning issues, ordering stationary etc even though it is the finance team who cover facilities. But the finance team manager is a male so we shoukdnt ask him to deal with cleaning....

I've worked so hard to get to where I am now and it's so belittling to think all the hard work I do everyday is worthless because I'm still only worth making a cuppa

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Your entire office sounds an utter shambles with no properly defined roles for anyone.

For example why on earth is anyone in the finance team responsible for facilities/ordering stationery/ dealing with cleaners? That is a complete waste of their time. The should be dealing with accounts, VAT, PAYE, paying bills and if necessary querying why facilities have ordered yet another shipload of paper clips. Facilities should be tasked with resourcing facilities and reporting to finance that these are good value for money.

That is just one example but just about everything you have posted isn't necessarily shouting a sexist problem but more a don't have a clue how to run a business problem.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

But the finance team manager is a male so we shoukdnt ask him to deal with cleaning....

A finance team manager shouldn't be dealing with cleaning beyond authorising payment of the cleaning contractors.

[Pombliboo123]

We aren't a big enough organisation to have a facilities department so it was agreed that finance would also be responsible for facilities/general admin etc

[Datun]

Pombliboo123

They must have job descriptions, though. Can you not ask that these be available?

For you, personally, if they want to re-write your job description to include things that you don't agree with, you could then question it. Officially.