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Sharing the mental load - how much to "correct"?

(7 Posts)
bluechameleon Thu 08-Jun-17 17:23:49

I've been reading and thinking a lot about this mental load idea. Our partnership is much more equal than many I think (possibly because he's more organised than me so better at remembering what needs to be done) and I don't feel I take on the mental load a disproportionate amount of the time. One area which is always my domain is shopping. My DH did the food shop (from my list) the other day and several items were not as I would have bought them. I didn't say anything because I thought he should have the autonomy to make his own shopping choices, but I did find some of the swap annoying. Would you have said anything? These were the differences:
Eggs - lower welfare and medium rather than large (awkward for baking)
Yogurt - full fat and branded
Salmon- precooked
Savoury eggs - cheaper
Tinned tomatoes- packaged in unnecessary plastic
Pasta - quick cook
I absolutely don't want to be picky but there are good reasons why i make different choices: the pasta is not as nice, the salmon is no good for the meal I had planned etc

VestalVirgin Thu 08-Jun-17 17:42:03

Say something. Autonomy he can have when he is the one who is cooking.

When you cook, then you get to decide which kind of ingredient you want to use, and he shouldn't make changes to that.

Also, I think you should have a talk about environmental issues, seems he is not as interested in keeping nature intact as you are.

I would absolutely have said something, especially if you wrote on the list what you want. (He can't know which size eggs you want if you don't put that on the list. You might think he'd remember which ones you buy, but that's the problem with this being your area - he's likely not paid attention.)

deydododatdodontdeydo Thu 08-Jun-17 19:06:24

It does seem overly picky.
If two people do the same shop, some of the items will have minor differences as you describe.
Honestly, I can't see how him buying tomatoes with extra packaging is "wrong", just different.

AssassinatedBeauty Thu 08-Jun-17 19:11:15

I would have been specific on the list, for items where I had a specific item in mind. I might then also have a general chat about welfare standards and packaging so that we were on the same page about that.

Clara101 Sat 01-Jul-17 12:27:39

Hi blue, in our house, shopping list is mostly my job largely because I'm more into cooking/like to decide what to eat. Shopping is his. After lots of mishaps/forgetting crucial ingredients we tend to run thru it v quickly together so he knows which stuff on there is important for dish and where to ad lib. Also to add stuff he wants.

Getting better.. maybe one to try.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sat 01-Jul-17 12:36:54

I think you are being overly picky.

So far as the eggs- is this a conversation you have had? Animal welfare concerns are very important to me and my husband so he would never buy anything other than free range.

On the pasta, I'd be struggling to detect any difference. If you are concerned about unnecessary packaging for environmental reasons then pasta which cooks quickly using less energy seems an odd thing to quibble .

On the salmon, farmed salmon has huge environmental and welfare issues (large migratory fish being penned in cages, attacked by sea lice, use of chemicals)

Clara101 Sat 01-Jul-17 12:37:37

Ps the list v shopping angle is now working better for us. But this cartoon struck a huge chord with me and I'll be showing DP later to explain this concept it can be hard to articulate. We are still a long way fm cracking it tho working on it and looking for tips...!

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