'Need to see a smile'

[mnpeasantry]

So feeling very bothered by this. We are having some building work done. We are living in the property with 2 small ones and it's quite uncomfortable. So far so first world.

We have had lots of delays which means the build will probably take at least double the original schedule. Some of the delays were unavoidable, some were avoidable. Anyway, we have chivvied the builders where we thought we could speed things up but mostly just accepted that there were things we just have to live with that are beyond our control.

When I see the builders they are always offered a hot drink and some polite chit chat but mostly I am concerned with taking care of my little ones in very tight circumstances and get through what was always going to be a challenging time.

If it makes a difference the builder suggested we remain in the property during the build.

So the main builder is obsessed with the idea that I should smile more. It's really pissing me off. He misses a deadline and because he does it a day late I'm supposed to grin ear to ear. He goes on and on about it, even talking to my DH about it (who quite rightly shut him down). I may well have bitchy resting face but I have been polite and friendly to him but the way we are living is difficult and I don't celebrate him constantly missing his deadlines by only a day. I actually didn't have a problem with him before the smile fixation and didn't feel I needed to make an effort to get on with him but now he is grating on me.

I'm sure he wouldn't fixate on this if I were a man. Why should I smile because he wants me to? I'm paying him a shed load of money to complete a job for me and HE'S the one trying to dictate my behaviour.

Is this sexist bullshit? How should o deal with it?

[tribpot]

I'm amazed you've avoided the temptation to say "I'd smile more if you worked a bit fucking faster, you prick". So hand yourself a medal for that at least.

The smile more thing is definitely sexist - can you imagine him saying that to a male customer? It just wouldn't happen. He wants you to smile because it will please him, and that is, after all, what you are there for.

I think I'd either tell him straight "I don't appreciate being asked to smile more. It isn't up to you, I will decide when to smile", or just completely ignore him when he says it. Or of course go for the left field approach of just suddenly laughing hysterically at nothing, like when no-one's speaking. That would at least have amusement value.

What an absolute pain in the arse, I can only imagine how wearing this must be.

[SylviaPoe]

I would tell him that I was not going to smile, and that I didn't want him to comment on it any further.

[DJBaggySmalls]

Workmen should stick to the job and not make personal comments like that. Its completely inappropriate and unprofessional.

[ErrolTheDragon]

Have you asked him if he talks to male clients in such an unprofessional and intrusive manner?

[dangermouseisace]

It is sexist.

It's because you're meant to look 'appealing and pretty' for the men. I am surprised you haven't told him to fuck off. Saying it once is bad enough, but to obsess over it is just…weird. I second what Errol says.

[ThaliaLuxurySpa]

Wear this?

[Raisinbrain]

Perfect Thalia!

[mnpeasantry]

All excellent suggestions. Thank you, you fabulous lot. I will challenge him directly.

[AWendyAteMyFitbit]

I would like a "like" button purely to like Thalia's post.

[DameDeDoubtance]

[Thelilywhite]

Dame
Thats classic!

[DoubleHelix79]

Maybe grin at him continuously, in an evil 'i will eat your children' kind of way? A mad giggle now and then might add to the effect...

[StormTreader]

"I was planning to smile today but it looks like I'm a day behind, I'm sure you understand"

[MorrisZapp]

What a grade A prick. I am over pandering to this crap. I'm smiley by nature and happy to banter within reason with tradesmen, but I am fucked if I'm letting them criticise my face on my property. You're free to cut him down using any means that satisfy you.

[Datun]

It's awful. He knows he's late. He's forcing you to react in the opposite way you should. He's coercing you to accommodate his fuck up.

'I'll smile more when this job is finished.'

And even that is better than he deserves.

He utterly does not expect you to react in what is an appropriate manner. I.e., supreme irritation.

And now he is trying to force it.

Resist!

[mnpeasantry]

I love this video! I'm gearing up to use a few of these lines on him.

You're right, he does know he's late and is trying to get me to act the opposite way to the reasonable reaction. So bloody annoying. Unknown to me my lovely husband apparently told him not to say this again yesterday so hopefully it's all laid to rest.

[FacelikeaBagofHammers]

What an arrogant prick.

Please say something to him and tell us all afterwards :)

[DJBaggySmalls]

DoubleHelix79

[NotAPuffin]

'My face is not here for your entertainment. If you want to see a smile, go and give yourself one in the mirror.'

[patodp]

You need to send that video in email to the company director with a brief outline of this builders comments.

[MadameSzyszkoBohush]

You could paint your face like the Joker? and then hold a knife up to his face a la Heath ledger and say "why so serious?"

Or buy some salads and laugh at them whilst eating them in the house, like that page of women laughing at salads.

[ThaliaLuxurySpa]

AWendy, Raisin,

OP,

How's EejitBuilder been behaving since Wednesday?

[Deathraystare]

Perhaps chew some licorice so you get black teeth. If he asks you to smile again - show your back teeth and then ask sweetly "Are you going to keep saying the same to my husband or is it only women that get the patronising treatment from you?"

[forcryinoutloud]

Tell him to fuck the hell off with his personal comments.

[forcryinoutloud]

Also, imo, this would be a near the knuckle personal comment from anyone, man or woman. Nobody can know how you are feeling, what's going on in your life and shouldn't be commanding that you smile. The builder has a right to politeness and to get paid, that's it.