Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Why do some feminists not want sons?

107 replies

TeaGreenNC · 27/05/2017 20:48

Hi, can I just say: some is definitely an important word in my title!

It's just I've seen on a couple of gender disappointments threads where they said reasons they are disappointed is because they're a feminist? I don't think its right to tag them, but that was said.

I'm just wondering what having a son has got to do with being a feminist?

OP posts:

Report

BigDeskBob · 27/05/2017 20:57

Why didn't you ask them on the thread?

Highalert · 27/05/2017 21:01

It would be pretty disastrous for the future generation of feminists if no one had sons.

Lineyy · 27/05/2017 21:02

They're probably fake

HmmOkay · 27/05/2017 21:04

I think you'd be better off asking on the threads where this was said. Only the people themselves can explain their position surely?

Starting a thread to ask for clarification on what someone else said on another thread never really works out very well.

museumum · 27/05/2017 21:09

I know for me (feminist with lots of traditionally male interests/hobbies) having boys has sometimes felt like the easier option. I haven't personally had to navigate the pink princess stage or the body issues / early sexualisation issues stage. I'm glad in some ways.

But I know some feminist mothers who have relished tackling those challenges with their daughters. They may have been disappointed to be thrown into a different world of raising feminist boys rather than feminist girls.

DJBaggySmalls · 27/05/2017 21:13

Because they aren't genuine?

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/05/2017 21:16

I'm a feminist. I did want a girl. Not because there's anything wrong with boys or I wouldn't have loved one as well. But I had a great relationship with my strong feminist mother and wanted to have that again. I thought I could do a decent job of raising a strong, happy girl.

And I am a woman and she will be a woman. Easier! For me at least.

ChocChocPorridge · 27/05/2017 21:23

I'm a feminist - I didn't care, I got boys (not that I've avoided the pink princess stage.. the youngest's interests are eclectic). I think you'd need to hear their reasons.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 27/05/2017 21:26

Ooh, let me just put on my mind reading hat and find out for you... Oh no, the batteries have gone, you'll have to ask the actual people who said it.

TeaGreenNC · 27/05/2017 21:37

It was the fact I saw it on both threads that described themselves as feminists, so wondered if it was something that a few think.

OP posts:

silkpyjamasallday · 27/05/2017 21:55

TBH someone so preoccupied with gender to the point they would be 'disappointed' to have one or the other are probably people who like the label of 'feminist' and haven't considered the fact that the obsession with gender roles is damaging to the cause they supposedly support.

Surely being able to raise a boy to respect women and treat them as equals is just as important, and possibly more influential due to our patriarchal society, than raising a girl to be a feminist.

southeastastra · 27/05/2017 21:58

i would have thought feminists would want boys so they could i dunno influence the male of the species

Highalert · 27/05/2017 22:01

The Op was just asking if it was a feeling amongst some feminists. No need to be so bloody arsey with her.

No wonder posters don't feel they can post in this topic.

QuentinSummers · 27/05/2017 22:19

What do you want people to say high? I've never heard a feminist day they don't want sons or seen it on here. I love my sons. Stupid bloody question I can't answer or even speculate about.

Bue · 27/05/2017 22:22

I do think this is a valid question, actually. My friend who works for a feminist organisation and whose whole life is women's issues sobbed when she found out her second was a boy (she already had a girl). It took her months to process it as it just seemed alien to her. She said the thing that changed her mind was the idea of raising a wonderful boy according to her values. Now of course she can't imagine him being anything else.

I'll also admit that I am expecting a second and would love another girl. I'm a midwife, so my professional life is very female-oriented as is my social life. It's just my thing. And I'd love a sister for my daughter. That said, I think a child is a child and their sex is the least important thing about them.

dangermouseisace · 27/05/2017 22:28

I certainly don't think it's universal. I'm a feminist and just wanted a healthy child!

That said I worry about all my children. Boys: I'm concerned that they don't entitled sexist so and so's...but so far, so good. Girl: I worry so much more about the pressures of society, and pray she doesn't end up like me. I'd say boy was the easier option as it feels like there is more capacity for positive maternal influence!

twattymctwatterson · 27/05/2017 22:39

Perhaps if you link to the threads we could go and have a look?

Highalert · 27/05/2017 22:42

The OP has seen it on here, that's why she came into the Feminist topic to ask.

Not so hard to understand really is it?

NoLoveofMine · 28/05/2017 00:57

Is this a joke?

A vast majority of people want sons.

NoLoveofMine · 28/05/2017 01:01

www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2011/06/twice-many-americans-prefer-have-sons/352166/

NoLoveofMine · 28/05/2017 01:06

Most people want sons. Most men and women are disappointed when daughters are born.

TeaGreenNC · 28/05/2017 01:10

@NoLoveofMine I disagree. You can read any thread on here about gender disappointment and it'll tell you otherwise. It's always a mother being disappointed in having a boy. This thread wasn't about that though. I also know from my friendship circle that they all wanted girls, most got them. I had a son and got lots of "at least DH will be over the moon" and "at least he's you're first". I'm guessing you're in the US due to your link? I don't know about over there. However, in the U.K., it seems to be a big deal for a mum to have a daughter.

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

NoLoveofMine · 28/05/2017 01:14

No I'm British. I linked to that because it's one of many studies which shows that people, women and men, would prefer to have sons. So many people also say how much "easier" it is to have sons, how much they'd prefer to have sons, etc. There's a huge preference for sons.

TeaGreenNC · 28/05/2017 01:16

Well, can you link a U.K. one then please? If not, I do disagree. Other cultures, yes. Not the UK.

OP posts:

TeaGreenNC · 28/05/2017 01:18

There's actually a few on mothers wanting a daughter...

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.