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Why do some feminists not want sons?

(108 Posts)
TeaGreenNC Sat 27-May-17 20:48:55

Hi, can I just say: some is definitely an important word in my title!

It's just I've seen on a couple of gender disappointments threads where they said reasons they are disappointed is because they're a feminist? I don't think its right to tag them, but that was said.

I'm just wondering what having a son has got to do with being a feminist?

BigDeskBob Sat 27-May-17 20:57:59

Why didn't you ask them on the thread?

Highalert Sat 27-May-17 21:01:37

It would be pretty disastrous for the future generation of feminists if no one had sons.

Lineyy Sat 27-May-17 21:02:57

They're probably fake

HmmOkay Sat 27-May-17 21:04:02

I think you'd be better off asking on the threads where this was said. Only the people themselves can explain their position surely?

Starting a thread to ask for clarification on what someone else said on another thread never really works out very well.

museumum Sat 27-May-17 21:09:32

I know for me (feminist with lots of traditionally male interests/hobbies) having boys has sometimes felt like the easier option. I haven't personally had to navigate the pink princess stage or the body issues / early sexualisation issues stage. I'm glad in some ways.

But I know some feminist mothers who have relished tackling those challenges with their daughters. They may have been disappointed to be thrown into a different world of raising feminist boys rather than feminist girls.

DJBaggySmalls Sat 27-May-17 21:13:13

Because they aren't genuine?

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 27-May-17 21:16:31

I'm a feminist. I did want a girl. Not because there's anything wrong with boys or I wouldn't have loved one as well. But I had a great relationship with my strong feminist mother and wanted to have that again. I thought I could do a decent job of raising a strong, happy girl.

And I am a woman and she will be a woman. Easier! For me at least.

ChocChocPorridge Sat 27-May-17 21:23:18

I'm a feminist - I didn't care, I got boys (not that I've avoided the pink princess stage.. the youngest's interests are eclectic). I think you'd need to hear their reasons.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed Sat 27-May-17 21:26:08

Ooh, let me just put on my mind reading hat and find out for you... Oh no, the batteries have gone, you'll have to ask the actual people who said it.

TeaGreenNC Sat 27-May-17 21:37:56

It was the fact I saw it on both threads that described themselves as feminists, so wondered if it was something that a few think.

silkpyjamasallday Sat 27-May-17 21:55:19

TBH someone so preoccupied with gender to the point they would be 'disappointed' to have one or the other are probably people who like the label of 'feminist' and haven't considered the fact that the obsession with gender roles is damaging to the cause they supposedly support.

Surely being able to raise a boy to respect women and treat them as equals is just as important, and possibly more influential due to our patriarchal society, than raising a girl to be a feminist.

southeastastra Sat 27-May-17 21:58:02

i would have thought feminists would want boys so they could i dunno influence the male of the species

Highalert Sat 27-May-17 22:01:09

The Op was just asking if it was a feeling amongst some feminists. No need to be so bloody arsey with her.

No wonder posters don't feel they can post in this topic.

QuentinSummers Sat 27-May-17 22:19:31

What do you want people to say high? I've never heard a feminist day they don't want sons or seen it on here. I love my sons. Stupid bloody question I can't answer or even speculate about.

Bue Sat 27-May-17 22:22:16

I do think this is a valid question, actually. My friend who works for a feminist organisation and whose whole life is women's issues sobbed when she found out her second was a boy (she already had a girl). It took her months to process it as it just seemed alien to her. She said the thing that changed her mind was the idea of raising a wonderful boy according to her values. Now of course she can't imagine him being anything else.

I'll also admit that I am expecting a second and would love another girl. I'm a midwife, so my professional life is very female-oriented as is my social life. It's just my thing. And I'd love a sister for my daughter. That said, I think a child is a child and their sex is the least important thing about them.

dangermouseisace Sat 27-May-17 22:28:51

I certainly don't think it's universal. I'm a feminist and just wanted a healthy child!

That said I worry about all my children. Boys: I'm concerned that they don't entitled sexist so and so's...but so far, so good. Girl: I worry so much more about the pressures of society, and pray she doesn't end up like me. I'd say boy was the easier option as it feels like there is more capacity for positive maternal influence!

twattymctwatterson Sat 27-May-17 22:39:42

Perhaps if you link to the threads we could go and have a look?

Highalert Sat 27-May-17 22:42:10

The OP has seen it on here, that's why she came into the Feminist topic to ask.

Not so hard to understand really is it?

NoLoveofMine Sun 28-May-17 00:57:08

Is this a joke?

A vast majority of people want sons.

NoLoveofMine Sun 28-May-17 01:01:20

www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2011/06/twice-many-americans-prefer-have-sons/352166/

NoLoveofMine Sun 28-May-17 01:06:22

Most people want sons. Most men and women are disappointed when daughters are born.

TeaGreenNC Sun 28-May-17 01:10:23

@NoLoveofMine I disagree. You can read any thread on here about gender disappointment and it'll tell you otherwise. It's always a mother being disappointed in having a boy. This thread wasn't about that though. I also know from my friendship circle that they all wanted girls, most got them. I had a son and got lots of "at least DH will be over the moon" and "at least he's you're first". I'm guessing you're in the US due to your link? I don't know about over there. However, in the U.K., it seems to be a big deal for a mum to have a daughter.

NoLoveofMine Sun 28-May-17 01:14:25

No I'm British. I linked to that because it's one of many studies which shows that people, women and men, would prefer to have sons. So many people also say how much "easier" it is to have sons, how much they'd prefer to have sons, etc. There's a huge preference for sons.

TeaGreenNC Sun 28-May-17 01:16:17

Well, can you link a U.K. one then please? If not, I do disagree. Other cultures, yes. Not the UK.

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