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Told I need to step up feminism

(20 Posts)
ClodTheGoat Mon 06-Mar-17 22:29:37

My friend has hinted that I need to step up my feminism. ..

1. I define myself to much as being a mother. - this is true, I'm a single mum to a toddler. I don't really do much else outside work besides be a mother. So my chat is quite child focused.

2. I told her she was lucky to have a partner who does at least half parenting - I get the point that all partners should but they don't. Mine didn't help at all then fucked off without a backwards glance. So yeah I think she's lucky.

I obviously don't like being criticised for the above. But honestly - do you think I need to work on this?

LassWiTheDelicateAir Mon 06-Mar-17 23:29:23

I think you need nicer friends.

AnyFucker Mon 06-Mar-17 23:32:06

Not much sisterhood in evidence from your "friend"

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog Tue 07-Mar-17 06:51:41

Lass has got it right.

Your "friend" isn't much of a friend, and she's not much of a feminist either.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Tue 07-Mar-17 07:57:56

What lass said.

Toddlers are demanding little beasts (although very cute so they get away with it). Looking after one is kind of all consuming, especially on your own.

Xenophile Tue 07-Mar-17 08:04:01

No, you haven't got it wrong your friend has.

Motherhood is a major part of the female experience, our biology is the basis of our oppression.

I'd suggest you find different friends, plenty of feminist mothers around, in fact new motherhood is often the time most women wake up to feminism.

Fairyflaps Tue 07-Mar-17 08:09:57

Parenting as a single parent to a toddler is pretty demanding and does not leave you with much time or energy for anything else.
But you have the opportunity to shape a child's world view until they become teenagers and reject everything you stand for

ChocChocPorridge Tue 07-Mar-17 09:23:19

Jesus - single mum to a toddler plus a job fills anyones time! Tell her you can work on your feminism in a few years when you're able to poo alone again perhaps.

I have two kids, and a job, and interests, I consider myself strongly feminist, but I still talk about my kids all the time. I love them, they're great and funny and are a major part of my life (and I'm a computer programmer, so not many people want to talk about my job anyhow wink)

Find better, more supportive friends, ones that know that part of feminism is supporting other women, not brow beating them.

VestalVirgin Tue 07-Mar-17 11:21:07

I would like to know what this "friend's" definition of "feminist" is.

What exactly does she think you should do, and what does she do for feminism?

ageingrunner Tue 07-Mar-17 11:33:05

She doesn't sound like a feminist, or a good friend either

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess Tue 07-Mar-17 11:49:00

Ask her what feminism means.

DJBaggySmalls Tue 07-Mar-17 12:05:37

What kind of feminist asks a mother to put her small children second?

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest Tue 07-Mar-17 14:15:40

I don't think it's particularly feminist of her to buy into the myth that being a mother is lacking in value. What is wrong with being a mother being a core part of your value? It is a defining part of many women's lives and woefully underappreciated by society.

BasketOfDeplorables Tue 07-Mar-17 19:56:39

You're raising a child alone, as well as working? You are truly the last bastion of the patriarchy.

ClodTheGoat Tue 07-Mar-17 23:25:35

Thank you. It did make me feel shitty about my small life.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Tue 07-Mar-17 23:38:16

Please don't feel shitty. Your life isn't so much small as condensed. You have so much more on than your "friend" She's got no right to put you down. Your experience is not hers. She is failing to acknowledge difference.

I'd
be inclined to tell her that if she doesn't get intersectional feminism when it concerns just one other person - and that a close friend - then fat chance she'll be able to practice it when her feminism has to stretch to groups right outside her comfort zone.

BasketOfDeplorables Wed 08-Mar-17 13:49:10

Please don't feel bad. I don't know a parent who doesn't talk about their children - why wouldn't you? I was brought up by a single mum, and I'm a feminist because of all she taught me. I spend most of my time with my toddler at the moment, as well as working freelance. I'm more of a feminist now than I ever was.

seafoodeatit Wed 08-Mar-17 14:37:08

All parents talk about their kids, it's all that occupies your time for many years! She's a crap friend and has crappy ideas on what a feminist is.

HelenDenver Wed 08-Mar-17 23:45:06

You're doing fine, OP.

Breathe and reboot. This is her issue. Not yours.

Xenophile Thu 09-Mar-17 08:45:23

Of course life contracts when you have small children. this doesn't mean you have a small life. Chin up!

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