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The Orgasm Gap!

(59 Posts)
SomeDyke Fri 24-Feb-17 15:00:22

Forget about pay and all that! According to new research:

BBC News Report

"The study, by Indiana University, Chapman University and Claremont Graduate University, showed the proportion of people who usually orgasmed was:

65% of heterosexual women
66% of bisexual women
86% of lesbian women
88% of bisexual men
89% of gay men
95% of heterosexual men"

My initial reaction, I was a bit smug! (Yes, we keep boasting that it's better with a dyke! grin). But then my second reaction was -- a THIRD of non-lesbian women don't usually orgasm. Despite years of feminism, books and videos and movies and more instructions on where to find the clitoris ,G-spot etc and what to do with them than you can shake a large vibrating dildo at. And yet a third still 'fail' (Note that I'm, not saying orgasming is/should be the goal of sex BTW).

Are non-gay men really that crap at sex? It would seem so!

Reading on, it says: "and a belief in some men that most women orgasm from penetrative sex." Whereas apparently "Few heterosexual women climaxed through penetrative sex alone".

So what is it, do the chaps not notice it, why is this false belief not questioned, or do their partners assure them it is all fine, or just act really well (whilst looking forward to a session with their rabbit once he has fallen asleep?).

I just find it depressing that after so many years of effort, women still do more of the household chores, still earn less, and it seems are less likely than the chaps to even have a decent shag after all that.......................

Because women deserve better!

DeviTheGaelet Fri 24-Feb-17 15:05:04

Interesting! I wonder why that is? I thought their point about sociological expectations of women during sex was interesting. Plus the correlation with oral surprised me. I wonder if that actually is about oral or if oral is an indicator of being less inhibited or something like that.

Janet80 Fri 24-Feb-17 15:10:50

Ha! It's 99% of the time for me. Not being funny but it's up to the woman to take control of her orgasms, I wouldn't be having sex if I'm not going to finish. I can do it on my own, it's stronger and better with my husband but I do need extra stimulation by means of a toy, unless it's oral. A penis alone won't make me orgasm. So maybe the ones who don't orgasm haven't thought about using a toy or just don't know how to get to that point.

Datun Fri 24-Feb-17 15:16:07

It honestly doesn't surprise me. I'm amazed how many men think women orgasm through penetrative sex and not clitoral stimulation. And of course lesbians would get it!

It's the same old thing when comedians, or men generally wonder out loud what on earth do lesbians DO? Because, to them sex is always and completely about the penis. Why else would they ever imagine that they could shag the homosexuality out of a lesbian?

Same with the trans-women lesbians. They cannot conceive how a lesbian simply isn't interested in penis.

Plus it's nowhere near as mechanical with women as it is for men. A plus B doesn't always equal C.

Batteriesallgone Fri 24-Feb-17 15:18:49

Plenty of heterosexual women don't masturbate. I think that's probably got something to do with it.

I think a lot of women think of sex as being for the man and as long as it's not actively unpleasant, it's fine.

GinAndSonic Fri 24-Feb-17 22:01:05

My lack of orgasms is due in no small part to being raped and sexually abused in previous relationships. I do orgasms sometimes through penetrative sex with my current partner, though it's heavily dependent on position (so positions which provide more clitoral stimulation) and probably enabled by the fact that I feel safe with him in away I haven't with previous partners, so the mental barriers are easier to overcome. For me though this isn't a huge deal as I am there for the physical intimacy and it's still enjoyable. My partner also isn't hung up on his orgasms, he is more interested in giving me pleasure. My views are probably coloured by my past though.

It leads me to wonder if women in heterosexual relationships have lower rates of orgasms partially due to sigmar mental blocks. Even of women aren't sexually assaulted they are raised in a society that encourages body hang ups. And it cam be difficult to let go enough to orgasm when you are worried about how your tummy looks, or if your sex faces are weird, or your boobs too saggy/ small/ whatever.
The idea that men and boys get of women who are moaning and almost orgasmkc at the mere sight of a penis OR women don't really like sex OR women can't orgasm so why bother are all massive reasons that women are having unsatisfactory sex too.

We need better sex ed.

GinAndSonic Fri 24-Feb-17 22:01:56

Typos everywhere but I'm outside having a fag and typing with frozen fingers.

0phelia Fri 24-Feb-17 22:34:22

Porn culture encourages female fake orgasms.

DeviTheGaelet Sat 25-Feb-17 00:13:49

gin flowers

JoJoSM2 Sat 25-Feb-17 00:18:19

Perhaps they focus on enjoying the journey and not just reaching the destination.

HapShawl Sat 25-Feb-17 06:39:07

I'm sure that's what heterosexual men like to tell themselves JoJo

DrMorbius Sat 25-Feb-17 07:22:18

Plenty of heterosexual women don't masturbate. I think that's probably got something to do with it

I read somewhere once that on average men masturbate 5 - 7 times per week. Whereas it's averages less than once per week for women.

GinAndSonic Sat 25-Feb-17 08:15:39

Cheers Devi

BartholinsSister Sat 25-Feb-17 09:21:37

Are non-gay men really that crap at sex? It would seem so
On the contrary, it looks like they score the highest.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sat 25-Feb-17 11:00:36

The study showed that "of particular importance was incorporating oral sex along with other activities during a sexual encounter"

There was a clear pattern between more oral sex and more orgasms in heterosexual women, lesbian women, bisexual women, gay men and bisexual men

I hate oral sex.

For me though this isn't a huge deal as I am there for the physical intimacy and it's still enjoyable

I agree - and that's not just putting a brave face on. If increased orgasms means having to have oral sex, no thanks.

VestalVirgin Sat 25-Feb-17 12:18:09

On the contrary, it looks like they score the highest.

Only if you assume that sex is a game one wins by having an orgasm.

Most people would say that giving your partner an orgasm makes you good in bed. In which case heterosexual men score lowest.

Chinnygirl Sat 25-Feb-17 12:27:10

I'm a heterosexual woman but I am surprised at some of my friends who have no idea how their body works and who don't masturbate. It's a bit hard to orgasm if you don't know what kind of stimulation you need confused. In my experience most men are happy to learn if you tell them what feels good.

Batteriesallgone Sat 25-Feb-17 12:31:56

I remember being at an antenatal class and the midwife suggesting perineal massage. Me and DH were very interested, oh why not, might help and has no downsides? Sounds good. Then we noticed the odd.... atmosphere. Everyone else was looking most squeamish at the idea of perineal massage. One woman kind of signed and said well I might do it but I can't believe you're suggesting it with a partner. As if it would be the height of inproprietary to ask the guy who got you pregnant to put his fingers in and around your vag.

Madness.

Batteriesallgone Sat 25-Feb-17 12:32:16

Signed? Sighed!

VestalVirgin Sat 25-Feb-17 12:59:16

One woman kind of signed and said well I might do it but I can't believe you're suggesting it with a partner. As if it would be the height of inproprietary to ask the guy who got you pregnant to put his fingers in and around your vag.

Weird. Did the midwife talk about penis-in-vagina sex openly?
I mean, people might be just weirded out by having sexual acts recommended by a midwife?

Them actually not wanting to do this with a man with whom they have sex, would be very strange indeed . Not impossible, though.
People are weird sometimes.

Batteriesallgone Sat 25-Feb-17 14:39:08

The midwife talked about your partner doing perineal massage (as well as doing it yourself). There is some evidence that it reduces the likelyhood of tearing during childbirth. She wasn't recommending it as a sexy thing just a 'might be easier if your partner does it' thing.

From the reaction in the room I got the impression there were some men there who had never touched their partners vuvlas shock

She didn't talk about PIV no.

Batteriesallgone Sat 25-Feb-17 14:40:40

Is the perineum part of the vuvla? Shit my mumsnet vocab isn't up to scratch. Maybe I should have said men there who'd never touched their partners genital region with their hands / fingers (although clearly had been there with their penises)

0phelia Sat 25-Feb-17 14:58:24

Perineum is the bit in between your anus and your vag.
I had to get it snipped because of complications in childbirth. Wouldn't want a massage there now for a million quid!

0phelia Sat 25-Feb-17 14:59:07

Don't think it's part of the vulva.

Batteriesallgone Sat 25-Feb-17 15:54:39

Ah yes but did you message it before 0phelia? wink

The - somewhat hashed - point I was trying to make was that in a room of heterosexual couples who had all had sex, the idea that the man might touch - with his fingers - the entrance to the vagina and down the perineum of his heavily pregnant wife to (attempt to) prevent her tearing in childbirth was met with horror and distaste. Which I couldn't get my head around at all. I wouldn't recommend perineal massage as a sex act don't get me wrong grin but it has been proven to reduce tearing. The idea the distaste of getting up close and personal to the vagina and surrounding area was so distasteful you'd prefer to stick with a higher chance of tearing was really quite shocking to me.

It was almost like they found the idea of looking at / touching the female genital area revolting.

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