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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

"Is your husband in"

15 replies

Truckingalong · 01/02/2017 21:44

Had a chap call round touting for driveway work. I could actually do with the driveway doing at some point, so engaged with him. He said did I want a quote. I said yes. He said, is your husband in. I said, what's that got to do with anything. He said, well it's usually a joint decision. I told him to forget it. I've literally never experienced anything like this before. I felt like I'd been teleported back in time. It was the strangest thing, to be viewed as someone who's incapable of independent thought and decision making and needing a man around for the say-so. Funny really if it wasn't so depressing.

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StealthPolarBear · 01/02/2017 21:47

When we had our windows done they said we both needed to be there for the discussions. When I asked why they said they had had situationa in the past where one half of a couple would call up to complain at what the other half had ordered and had been fitted. It wasn't about dh as such being there.
Makes sense to me.

StealthPolarBear · 01/02/2017 21:47

Other than the assumption you have one of course :)

SallyGinnamon · 01/02/2017 21:48

Not necessarily sexist. DH wanted a quote for solar panels but they wouldn't come unless I was there too. Meant he couldn't say 'thanks for the quote I need to discuss it with the wife' if I was there. Easier for them to do a hard sell.

LauraAndBaby · 01/02/2017 21:49

It might not of been sexist, he cld of been a weirdo and wanted to no if u was home alone.. I always think the worst

StealthPolarBear · 01/02/2017 21:50

Ahh hadn't thought of that.
It's the same reason I have meetings at work. If you talk to people individually they will contradict each other and you'll be the middle man or woman. Get them in a room together to have the discussions with each other and tell you what they want.

Stormwhale · 01/02/2017 21:50

Seriously do not go with a company who need to go door to door touting for work. My nan's neighbour did and he took thousands from her and did a runner. They were part of a large group of travellers hitting the area and exploiting vulnerable people. Reputable companies do not knock on doors looking for work.

Oh and at least they didn't ask if your mum and dad were in. I have had that 3 times in the last 6 years. I'm 26.

Marmalade85 · 01/02/2017 21:51

It's a tactic to get buyers to sign up there and then as the one who listened to the pitch doesn't have to go and discuss it with their partner. Used commonly for double glazing, solar panels etc

buzzmoon · 01/02/2017 21:56

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2830455-Dont-you-have-a-boyfriend-or-husband-who-can-look-at-that

Very annoyed on your behalf!

SlothMama · 01/02/2017 21:57

I've had this question when I said no he then asked if my "Daddy was home?".
I'm a grown woman...

Truckingalong · 01/02/2017 21:57

I think everyone is a mad axe man, so I'm always on my guard! Wouldn't have ended up using him - was just curious for a quote. I don't have a husband.

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/02/2017 22:12

I do all the booking of things like this, and I've never been asked if my husband is in/around. No one has even asked me if there's anyone else involved in the decision making process. I wouldn't be very impressed if someone did ask this.

I don't think that they'd have asked the reverse question if they'd have been speaking to a man - "is your wife in?"

ErrolTheDragon · 01/02/2017 22:15

It's the same reason I have meetings at work. If you talk to people individually they will contradict each other and you'll be the middle man or woman. Get them in a room together to have the discussions with each other and tell you what they want.

Very sensible.... for an internal meeting. But imagine you were selling and were visiting a customer site, surely you wouldn't demand all the stakeholders attended a meeting with you?

Thats what always seems so weird about double glazing salesmen and the like - they act as though they're in charge of the whole thing.

OlennasWimple · 02/02/2017 15:33

I've been asked something along the lines of whether I am the sole decision-maker in the house, which I think is a clunky-but-not-sexist-or-ageist way of asking whether there is a DP or parents who are likely to veto the decision.

michelle303 · 02/02/2017 15:35

lost count of how many times i have experienced things like this. i know they don't mean any harm or probably don't even realise they've said something sexist but it still is frustrating.

NotCitrus · 02/02/2017 15:41

Agree with Wimple - they need to check if there's someone else they need to speak with, but no reason why they can't do a quote just for you.

I have the problem that MrNC mostly works from home, so yes he's in but if it's not an emergency I'm not disturbing him. Anyone who says it's "very important" to speak to him is almost always talking bobbins.

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