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Another one about names...

(12 Posts)
Puffinitee Sat 07-Jan-17 10:57:48

DH and I got married in June. I kept my name, for a variety of reasons but feminism being a key one. We've received a number of items addressed to [DHfirstname][Puffinfirstname][DHlastname] and one from an acquaintance who did the Mr&Mrs [DHinitial DHlastname] thing. Whilst I am generally quite ranty, I do realise my choice is still unusual and am prepared to accept people get these things wrong.

We pointed out to FIL and his wife that I'd kept my name when they got it wrong and all seemed fine. They spent Christmas with us and the conversation turned to the number of people called [DHlastname] in the world. FIL's wife asked how many there were "apart from us four". I commented that I didn't have DHlastname. "No but you could" was the answer... I overlooked that one for the love of peace, but she has just sent us a thank you card addressed to Mr&Mrs [DHinitial DHlastname]. I am fucking furious! She knows my choices in the matter and has clearly decided to ignore them! I'm also not a Mrs! FFS, I don't address stuff to Ms Maiden name when sending it to her to make a point, why can't she just respect my choices?!?! Not sure how to respond to this, she'll probably just say the envelope was too small or something...

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sat 07-Jan-17 16:25:10

You just have to stick with your choice. I would take every opportunity of communicating with her in writing.

It looks a bit weird if you sign a letter or an e-mail as "Puffin Tee" but if your husband's surname starts with any letter other than the same letter as yours you can legitimately sign off as "Puffin T"

I have a friend with a very common first name who signs everything that way - it distinguishes her from everyone else with her very widespread first name.

Obviously if your first name is say "Sophronia-Lulubelle-Mae" it is unlikely your mil will know another one, but you can still use this.

TheMortificadosDragon Sun 08-Jan-17 20:25:10

Perhaps you could get some of those little printed 'from' name and address stickers made, put one on the back of the envelope in all correspondence to people who mislabel you. (Or just write the 'from' if there aren't too many miscreants.

MysticTwat Sun 08-Jan-17 20:59:19

Send her a letter addressed just how you wrote it in the op.

To Ms maiden name.

Isn't it insulting when someone deliberately writes the wrong name?

Puffin tee.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Mon 09-Jan-17 09:08:58

I would use passive aggression on this one. Patronise her. Say in a lovely nice voice, 'I am ringing to thank you for your lovely note. I just wanted to remind you I have kept my name, I know it's really hard to remember!'

MsUnderstanding Mon 09-Jan-17 09:19:29

If the letter is addressed to Mr and Mrs DHLastname then it must be for FIL and his wife right? I would redirect it to them in the mail grin

mirokarikovo Mon 09-Jan-17 09:24:02

What MsUnderstanding said. Forward it to her saying it must have been misaddressed because she is the only Mrs Hisname you know.

SomeDyke Mon 09-Jan-17 18:09:14

This is one area where us gay and lesbian folks have done you a favour by all those years of campaigning for equal marriage, in that Mr & Mr, or Ms & Mrs, or whatever same-sex mixture people try to come up with causes confusion! Although I will admit myself and my missus haven't totally helped by being taggable as Dr&Mrs SD. Although as a runners-up point, confuses people when the Dr turns out to be a Mrs (or even a Ms) as well..................

Although I will admit still a way to go, in that at least one relative just couldn't cope with using the construction "X and her wife", so just tagged me on as if I was some random stranger who had just gate-crashed the family do, whom no one actually knew or recognised......................

LauraRoslin Wed 11-Jan-17 23:33:21

DP and I probably won't get married, but even if we did, we'd probably both keep our current surnames.

(Both of us have uncommon surnames from different countries. Our forthcoming child will have a double-barrelled surname, and it will probably be unique to them.)

Nicketynac Fri 13-Jan-17 21:52:46

My brother got married a few years before I did. My SIL initially kept her name, saying she hadn't made up her mind. My mum moaned about it behind her back and was passive aggressive to her in person about it and after a while she changed it.
I got married and kept my name and my mum had mysteriously changed her mind about the issue in the intervening years.
Not sure if she likes the fact I still have the same surname as her or if she just wants to avoid me lecturing her on women's rights.

LumelaMme Fri 13-Jan-17 22:00:10

If it's any comfort, couple of my (allegedly) feminist SILs do accept that when I married DH, I neglected to take their obviously utterly fabulous last name. But they've just never learned, in two bloody decades, how to spell mine.

I can never decide if they can't be bothered, or if they're making a point.

tribpot Fri 13-Jan-17 22:00:52

Unfortunately you will be spending at least the next decade reminding people that you haven't changed your name. Christmas is the season of putting friends and relatives on a shit list - they can work to redeem themselves during the course of the year grin

I just openly remind people now, quite often complain about it on Facebook as well. This then will lead to a small flurry of cards addressed to me with my surname in capitals and underlined, which I much prefer grin. I tolerate it slightly more in my DH's extended family as they may actually not know what my surname is, but when my own family do it it really bloody winds me up.

My MIL can't give me any grief about it though - she has been married twice (the first time to my FIL) and has kept the name she acquired through her first marriage all through her second (she is now widowed).

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