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Do you ever feel aggrieved by being a feminist

(25 Posts)
CorporalNobbyNobbs Sat 31-Dec-16 03:19:17

I'm not sure that's exactly what i mean - I'm not sure aggrieved is the right word. But you know when all your friends are getting engaged and getting rings and you thing engagement rings are a sign of patriarchal oppression - so you don't exactly want one but you wish you were someone who wanted one?

CorporalNobbyNobbs Sat 31-Dec-16 03:21:03

sometimes i think it would be a whole lot easier not to be a feminist

BeyondIBringYouGoodTidings Sat 31-Dec-16 10:50:43

I agree that it would be easier to not notice those kind of things. And once the goggles come off, there's no way to undo it and go back to the sweet ignorance!!

BratFarrarsPony Sat 31-Dec-16 10:52:48

Not really Nobby, no.
If you want a pretty ring, buy yourself one!

YesThisIsMe Sat 31-Dec-16 10:55:10

This Onion article has been linked to heaven knows how many times on FWR, but just once more, for anyone who hasn't read it…
Woman takes half hour break from being feminist.

cheekyfunkymonkey Sat 31-Dec-16 10:57:11

I didn't realise having an engagement ring disqualified you from being a feminist. If you want one get one. If you don't want one don't.

YoScienceBitch Sat 31-Dec-16 10:58:26

Yes it's one of the reasons why I wish I had never discovered mumsnet.

Xenophile Sat 31-Dec-16 11:10:30

Do I regret being a feminist?

Not for a second, I have met, worked with and been supported by some of the finest humans on earth because I am.

I do get slightly perplexed by seemingly intelligent people who would rather spend their time picking holes in or making somewhat ridiculous contrarian arguments against feminism, when I'm sure their time would be more usefully spent doing something else. Not because I feel they shouldn't be able to speak, more that I feel slightly sorry for them that they feel that doing that is worth their while. Not particularly on Mumsnet, but elsewhere.

BeyondIBringYouGoodTidings Sat 31-Dec-16 11:37:20

I have an engagement ring (though I don't tend to wear it as it aggravates my eczema. Clearly my skin is feminist!). I'll add it to that list of things that disqualify me from the elusive "proper feminist" club grin

I don't regret being a feminist though, I just see how much easier everything was before.

CorporalNobbyNobbs Sat 31-Dec-16 11:56:46

I had had a few drinks when I started this thread so I'm not sure my OP makes much sense!!!

I don't think having an engagement ring disqualifies you from being a feminist, that was just an example. What I meant is I personally don't want one because I don't like the historical/social implications. But sometimes I wish I didn't care about that stuff! As Beyond says things were easier before the goggles came off grin

CorporalNobbyNobbs Sat 31-Dec-16 11:58:19

And Brat that is what I did grin

CorporalNobbyNobbs Sat 31-Dec-16 11:59:19

cheeky that's my point though. I don't want one - but I wish I did want one.

YetAnotherSpartacus Sat 31-Dec-16 12:29:13

The cage may be gilded, but it is still a cage.

HermioneWeasley Sat 31-Dec-16 12:32:52

Sometimes yes, I wish I could live in blissful ignorance. But mostly I think that in very small ways, I make the world better for the people I know by being a feminist. Unless they're misogynist bellends.

OublietteBravo Sat 31-Dec-16 12:39:59

I feel aggrieved that I still need to be a feminist. It would be nice if feminism was no longer needed.

However, I've met some great people and made some wonderful friends through feminism. Perhaps a permanent sense of underlying rage is a fair price to pay for having an amazing group of people in my life.

SwearyGodmother Sat 31-Dec-16 12:50:12

I feel embarrassed about the stuff I bought into as important before the scales fell from my eyes. I insisted DH ask my father for his permission to marry me (even though he didn't ask me, we agreed to do it as we're equal) because it meant so much to my father. When I realised how my dad is a misogynist and I'd been taught to respect the bullshit about keeping women down as traditional and respectful I was mortified. Just one example but it really sticks in my brain.

NameSux Sat 31-Dec-16 12:51:39

I get it while suit shopping. Particularly in my local m&s that doesn't have one suit jacket in the whole shop. I end up Internally raging that whoever runs the shop can't imagine a woman wearing a business suit so matches the formal trousers with pretty tops but no shirts or jackets. It would be much less stressful to just move on to the next shop. Eventually found two shops in a commuter town of 70000 people. I don't even like suits but that's another rant about classism from over 100 years ago

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sat 31-Dec-16 13:09:31

engagement rings are a sign of patriarchal oppression - so you don't exactly want one but you wish you were someone who wanted one?

Sorry, not following this. You think engagement rings are a bad thing but you wish you were some one who wanted one?

I wish I was someone who actually read the international coverage in newspapers as I'd be a better informed person if I did

SarahOoo Sat 31-Dec-16 13:14:57

I'm a feminist but some things you just have to get past like engagement rings being a sign of 'oppression'...rings are meant to be a sign of love - as in a circle that never ends (until you get divorced!).

Feminism is equality for both sexes.

When I got married I didn't take my husband surname, one reason being I find it outdated. I'm pregnant now with our little girl and we have discussed and agreed she can take his surname, ideally I'd double barrel but it's so long winded it's ridiculous 😂.

On a daily basis I get frustrated and saddened by female oppression both on a big scale (war etc) and the smaller stuff like out with a load of couple friends and only the guys buy the drink rounds.. I get a round in separate to my husband but the other ladies don't....hmmm.

CorporalNobbyNobbs Sat 31-Dec-16 13:22:21

Yes Lass I'm not sure I was very clear there you're right. I meant that as a general example - I think it would be easier to be someone who didn't think about that kind of thing. I don't want an engagement ring at all - but sometimes I think it would be easier if I did.

Probably still not making sense.

Agree I would also like to be better informed.

DeepAndCrispAndEvenTheWind Sat 31-Dec-16 13:23:06

Can't say engagement rings bother me.

But no, don't regret being a feminist. As with Xeno, it's coloured my world view in the past few years, for the. Better.

CorporalNobbyNobbs Sat 31-Dec-16 13:23:08

Thanks for the lovely responses to my rambling drunken post also!

CorporalNobbyNobbs Sat 31-Dec-16 13:26:40

And yes I think it's better to be a feminist really!

Decemberrat Sat 31-Dec-16 13:36:38

I know what you mean. I used to love Love Actually until I saw it in a feminist light and barely a woman is allowed to speak.

I used to love Eagles' songs until I realised they were all about witchy women betraying men.

We are products of the patriarchy that raised us. It is ingrained into our subconscious to want the fairytale ending. We can see that for what it is and consciously resist it... but it's much harder to resist the subconscious.

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara Sat 31-Dec-16 13:38:44

I absolutely don't regret being a feminist.

As a PP said, I wish I didn't have to be, I wish there was no work left to do, but hey ho.

As a female powerlifter I often have to "justify" my interest in the sport, as it's not perceived as lady-like. And once people (of both sexes) get over that, they struggle to reconcile this with the fact that I usually wear dresses and high heels and make-up. So this is my own little crusade at the moment fgrin

But, there are things I really can't manage to get offended by, like engagement rings, being called a girl rather than a woman, or being called "love" or similar. So maybe to some people I am not a "proper" feminist.

I am proud to call myself a feminist ; I believe in equality, and I intend to bring my DD up to be an independent woman. I encourage her to do what she fancies, whether ballet or football or whatever else.

I donate time and money, and I sign petitions to try and stop all sorts of inequalities.

I don't think you need to agree with all feminists to be one. Just do your bit smile

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