That joke's not appropriate for girls!(9 Posts)
We have older girls but now have young Boy/Girl Twins
DM has always helped us out (taking the kids out to give us a break, etc). She very rarely visits us all together but likes to have the kids alone. It's a slight bone of contention - very controlling! - but I let it slide.
She's very old fashioned in her views - she's against gay marriage, doesn't get trans issues, etc, but nothing too offensive as she's open to trying to understand these types of issues - she's of 'that' generation iykwim).
Anyway... DGT(almost 4) tells me today that gran said she's not allowed to tell wee-wee jokes as jokes like this aren't for girls. DBT is allowed, apparently - it's ok for boys to tell wee-wee jokes.
I said that wee-wee jokes are a bit rude and we probably shouldn't tell them but that's a rule for boys and girls. There's no difference.
I know, if I say something to her, I'll come across as completely unreasonable, but it's really beginning to p me off. I've been dealing with these views of hers for years. They are her views and she's entitled to the hem but, to tell my kids that they can't tell a joke because of their sex it taking it too far.
DBT can be a little sexist and we are all surprised by this due to being brought up with older sisters who are all encouraged to be feminist. Now I wonder if this is where he gets it from. As DM always takes them out, away from DH and I, we have no idea what she's saying to them!
I'm not sure what your question is. If I were you I would be telling both your children and their grandmother not to tell "wee-wee" jokes
she's of 'that' generation iykwim).
No, I don't know what you mean.What generation would that be? My mother in law is 91 and whilst I expect the nuances of transgender politics have passed her by she has no problem with gay marriage.
I totally agree. Anyone can tell wee wee jokes. I've noticed that people tend to find it funny that boys will be silly and find the words poo and bum funny but that when girls do it it's not funny.
Also people tend to pull girls up for rolling around the floor legs akimbo or even just saying in a lighthearted way that it's not ladylike, in a way that is perfectly acceptable for boys.
Unless it's physical impossible e.g. Weeing through a penis then a girl can do exactly as a boy does, and vice versa.
"DM always takes them out, away from DH and I, we have no idea what she's saying to them"
And she's the controlling one?
Your son is going to be exposed to other peoples views that may run contrary to yours and that cant be avoided unless you surround him with people that agree with everything you think.
Tell him that other people can have another point of view and in this case she's wrong.
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Thanks for your views. I missed the deleted message so I ve lost the meaning at the end of the thread.
Childrnofthestones I see what you mean there - that does sound a little controlling on my part, however, I meant that if she said these things in front of us, we could talk about them in front of DCs and they could see that different people have differently views.
Also, the problem wasn't with my son - he's still happily loving the wee-wee and poo jokes especially with his older sisters who think he's very funny, but DD is unsure and just sits quietly while he does. That's all.
Anyway, it's probably a mountain out of a molehill. I was just interested in others' views
Your children won't just be getting their ideas from their grandmother. There are multiple studies which show that by the time they start school, children have very fixed ideas of gender. One of the most obvious is asking them if certain jobs are for men, women, or both. Study after study shows them saying things like doctor = man, nurse = woman etc.This is true even where parents claim that they believe in and encourage equality.
I'm beginning to think that the only way to avoid it is to point blank refuse to let anyone know whether your child is male or female, as some parents have done.
OP when my DD tells me similar things I reassure her that there are no such different rules for boys and girls and that whoever has told her such things (family members, boys) are dinosaurs/cave people who need to evolve. We agree that people are allowed to have different views but some people's ideas are old fashioned and a bit out of date.
Some people talk shit and that's life, doesn't mean we have to agree with them or change our behaviour. My DD got ribbed a lot by boys in the school football club where she was the only girl for long periods. They kept telling her that 'girls don't/can't play football'. She stuck with it, told them it isn't the 18th century and went on to develop decent footballing skills.
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