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Movies that teach about sexual double standards and slut shaming?

(44 Posts)
cj3wilso Sat 24-Dec-16 16:26:28

I had a conversation with a boyfriend about if we had a daughter. He kept saying that he'd want his daughter to wear a chastity belt. How he knows some guy's daughter who's sleazy and doesn't want his daughter to be like that. That he wants his boy to respect women and his girl to respect herself. Well these thoughts on sexuality are very old school thoughts. And I find this type of thinking is over protective of the girl and treating like sex devalues a woman... which is concerning to think such a thing. He couldn't understand the problem with his thinking. When I said my main concern was to not raise our girl or boy with a double standard and that my goal is not to focus on sex but rather that I raise an independent thinker regardless of gender. I'm having a hard time articulating how his thinking negatively effects both genders and their relations together. Plus I'd like him to understand how these are generally old ways of thinking meant to control women but give men sexual freedom. He doesn't read very much though. I could probably get him to watch a movie to teach him these concepts. Does anyone know of a good movie that gets these points across well? An entertaining one would be best. He's not one to sit and listen to people just talk.

Gardencentregroupie Sat 24-Dec-16 16:29:00

Easy A?

timelytess Sat 24-Dec-16 16:29:07

I think you need to leave him to it. He's too interested in his daughter's sex life and she isn't even conceived yet.

AnyFucker Sat 24-Dec-16 16:33:53

You think it is your job to teach him respect for women via the medium of movies ?

Don't even bother. Just find another boyfriend who doesn't need reconstructing one brain cell at a time

illegitimateMortificadospawn Sat 24-Dec-16 16:37:33

What AF said.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 24-Dec-16 16:46:49

I think it sounds like you're flogging a dead 'un here. I think any number of films, reasoned arguments, etc and he still 'wouldn't get it' tbh.

PoochSmooch Sat 24-Dec-16 17:06:32

Hmmm, yes, I'm not sure if I would bother either - presumably he also applies these standards to you right now, as well as a hypothetical future child? That's not something that I would be interested in educating someone out of, to be honest. It seems quite fundamental. Would a movie really help, if he hasn't listened to you, his girlfriend, someone he must love and value?

Sorry, I know that's not the answer you were looking for. I really can't think of a movie that would so profoundly change the way someone looks at the world, though...good luck anyway, OP.

whoputthecatout Sat 24-Dec-16 17:20:54

Men who hold double standards are generally not very intelligent OP. Treating girls/women as autonomous human beings tends to strain both their brain cells. You're wasting your time.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sat 24-Dec-16 17:32:15

Interesting first post and thread.

There seems to be, according to the wonders of Google, a large number of retailers of chastity belts; they are however marketed as sex aids for the BDSM brigade so possibly not the aim your bf has in mind.

TheGrumpySquirrel Sat 24-Dec-16 17:35:12

He sounds like a sexist idiot. Is he 12? No? Then he doesn't need educating he needs ditching. Sounds v controlling too.

cj3wilso Sat 24-Dec-16 18:08:41

He was drinking at the time he said this. The chastity belt was his attempt at humor. I know some dads do make that whole getting a gun collection because I have a daughter joke. I think its stupid personally. She's an adult and can make her own decisions. Your job as a parent is to prepare her to make good decisions. Not for her never to date or have sex.. My point here is.. he wasn't entirely serious and its a common enough viewpoint. I think its meant to show you care. But I think its misguided.. Hasn't anyone heard someone make the gun collection joke? What have you done or said? Or do you just laugh it off?

SVJAA Sat 24-Dec-16 18:12:28

We have 3 girls and 2 boys between us and have taught the older ones (and will the younger ones when the time comes) to respect themselves and their own bodies and self worth. Chastity belts and gun collections are macho bullshitn which implies women/girls are incapable of making rational decisions about their own bodies. I'd rather teach my kids to know that they have choice, that they matter and that I trust them to make decisions based on a thought process, not a knee jerk stereotype.

birdybirdywoofwoof Sat 24-Dec-16 18:16:35

He's an idiot. Does he think you're sleazy?

Beebeeeight Sat 24-Dec-16 18:41:22

I wouldn't want to conceive a DC with such a Neanderthal

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sat 24-Dec-16 18:45:16

Hasn't anyone heard someone make the gun collection joke?

No. Possibly in some sort of bad comedy routine; in real life? No

PhilODox Sat 24-Dec-16 18:49:41

So, his dad would wear a chastity belt, but he doesn't mind fucking you before marriage? hmm

Miffer Sat 24-Dec-16 18:57:40

How old is he? I don't think this is entirely fair to write him off now.

I thought some pretty terrible stuff right up until my mid 20s.

When I got pregnant my BF (now DH) nonchalantly told me that he was (like his Dad before him) going have spend the next 9 months making the most of the last of his freedom (drinking a lot) and honestly couldn't understand why my head near exploded. He didn't do it primarily to keep the peace. 16 years later he sometimes brings this up as an example of something stupid he once thought.

JoeJoe80 Sat 24-Dec-16 19:19:00

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with him not wanting his daughter to be a sex object. I agree it's badly expressed, but I wouldn't want my son or daughter buying into this hyper-sexual culture. I'd teach them to see people as people and not as sexual utilities.

JillyTheDependableBoot Sun 25-Dec-16 20:25:24

Problem is, Joe, the kind of thinking the OP is describing DOES reinforce the idea of women as sexual objects. It commodities virtue and chastity in an unequal way.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sun 25-Dec-16 21:11:51

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with him not wanting his daughter to be a sex object

What Jilly said. And he clearly thinks of any daughter as his property.

Zaya79 Mon 26-Dec-16 07:56:26

OP - sorry I don't think a movie will help!

We had friends for lunch the other day and one dad who has a 12 year old daughter was talking about his shock at some of her Instagram posts, etc and he was also saying that most of his DD's friends already have boyfriends. DH said, "Is this the age I need to get the shotgun then?"

It's not the first time he has made this sort of comment. We have 2 girls (eldest 9) and 3 boys, 2 of which are early teens, but he has never made any such comments about the boys. He has also said things like, "Any boy who wants to take DD out will have to get through me first" - half joking, but in full earshot of his daughters. He has told DS1 to "look out" for and look after for his sisters when they are older. He is British, but has a Middle Eastern background which I think influences him in this area, though not in any other.

The thing is, I've told him countless times that he's being unreasonable about this kind of thing and he does accept that he is, but also says he can't pretend that that's not how he feels and if I was in his shoes these days etc etc I would understand.

On the other hand, he's totally committed to his daughters' education and so on. I can only hope that when the time comes, the reality of having teenage daughters will be the thing that forces him to change his mindset.

Lessthanaballpark Mon 26-Dec-16 08:08:43

Threads (and attitudes) like these are proof that it's not feminists who have a low opinion of men but old fashioned men themselves.

Buy him a copy of Jessica Valenti's "he's a stud, she's a slut and 49 other double standards every girl should know about".

Kr1stina Mon 26-Dec-16 08:18:11

What AF said. As usual.

JoeJoe80 Mon 26-Dec-16 09:05:30

Problem is, Joe, the kind of thinking the OP is describing DOES reinforce the idea of women as sexual objects. It commodities virtue and chastity in an unequal way.

I agree. Virtue should be enforced on both genders equally.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Mon 26-Dec-16 12:11:30

Virtue should be enforced on both genders equally

I would like an understanding that as long as you are (a) not cheating on someone else (b) not paying for it (c) an adult doing it with another consenting adult or adults that how often and in what circumstances you , whether a man or a woman, has sex has damn all to do with whether or not you are a good person.

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