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Doing The Deed

(21 Posts)
PenguinsandPebbles Tue 13-Dec-16 03:30:37

I'm not 100% sure if this is for feminist chat but I find myself being annoyed and equally concerned that women often refer to sex as DTD.

I have seen it so many times on TTC threads, and in someway I do understand that it becomes a bit of an effort (2 years no live births 7 miscarriages) it's hard but when TTC, to call it a deed? It's a phrase I guess but it doesn't sit well for me or my partner soon to be husband. He is appalled by this term, he hates the idea that it's a thing we just do.

But what really concerns me is that Ive seen more recently women ask AIBU my partner is doing XYZ and why is he doing this when we DTD once a week.

These women are thinking it's a duty to "DTD" and I just want to say no! No it's not, you should do it because you want to.

You make love, have sex, fuck because you want too - not because it's a deed! Or duty!

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Tue 13-Dec-16 03:52:02

I never liked the phrase either.

I also don't like calling it baby dancing either, but I digress.

pseudonymity Tue 13-Dec-16 03:53:25

Doing the deed sounds very English to me, a bit like 'How's your father?'

Eminybob Tue 13-Dec-16 05:28:15

It's just a phrase I think.
Personally I refuse to use it or BD on the conception boards, I use "have sex" but mainly because I think they are twee, nothing else. Refuse to use AF too.

AmberEars Tue 13-Dec-16 05:41:50

I think it's just a handy acronym and people forget what it actually stands for. Similarly I don't know anyone in real life who would refer to their period as Auntie Flo, but AF is used all the time on the TTC board. I don't think using the acronym DTD implies that you think of sex as a duty.

PenguinsandPebbles Tue 13-Dec-16 09:00:43

Good to get others views, I personally hate it.

It does bother me more when I see it away from a TTC type board.

I will stop being so precious about it

TeaPleaseLouise Tue 13-Dec-16 09:06:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Tue 13-Dec-16 12:00:12

It never bothered me.

If you are struggling when TTC it is really distressing (been there).

I always saw DTD as a way to try and lighten the mood on what can be a truly dark time in your life. I used to joke I'd had pointless sex "definitely not ovulating, complete waste of sperm and effort"
Obviously I didn't really feel that way but sharing a dark sense of humour with others in the same boat really helped.

birdsdestiny Tue 13-Dec-16 12:05:20

Well now I feel stupid. I always thought AF meant A friend.

HeyRobot Thu 15-Dec-16 18:34:29

I've never thought of DTD as being anything other than a bit of a joke that has become an accepted acronym - so either it's become a bit twee or it's a joke about acronyms.

I haven't seen it a lot recently so I'm happy to be corrected.

I do see 'fell pregnant' a lot, which I assume must be a common phrase, but I'd never heard it before mn and I think it's awful!

paxillin Thu 15-Dec-16 22:31:06

I've read "BD" before. "Baby dancing". Bleurgh, must go scrub my keyboard and fingers now.

PhilODox Thu 15-Dec-16 23:12:43

I thought 'the deed' meant the same as 'the act', so a fairly neutral way of talking about having sex? As in, you can say that in polite company without raising eyebrows?

EvenTheWind Fri 16-Dec-16 07:30:04

Like any group of people going through something difficult together, a shared jargon can help.

There are plenty of phrases around sex that do bother me (taking advantage of is often a euphemism for coercion and assault), but DTD isn't one.

flumpybear Fri 16-Dec-16 07:47:16

I've never really thought about it broken down in its smaller parts lol - I personally hate Shakespeare's reference to it!!! confused

Prawnofthepatriarchy Fri 16-Dec-16 09:44:16

I guess if you're posting about TTC then DTD is an easy euphemism for the specific acts that can result in pregnancy. I've never seen "baby dancing" before, but in context I think is very sweet, but then I'm a bit of a sentimentalist. Christmas Eve has particularly happy memories for me, because it was then that my DH and I started TTC our first DC. It did make DTD (& Christmas Eve) all the more magical.

scottishdiem Sat 17-Dec-16 15:51:25

Struggling to make the connection between deed and duty? A deed is not an obligation. Just like someone might do good deeds. Like, "thats my good deed for the day".

pseudonymity Sat 17-Dec-16 15:57:56

True, Scottish. I think the sense that 'deed' is a binding act (and therefore a duty?) comes from it having a legal meaning.

scottishdiem Sat 17-Dec-16 16:08:18

Certainly a deed can be a contract that results in obligations/duties/ownership but we don't say DtD to mean "doing the contract" or "doing the house ownership document".

It is clearly an action word/term.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sat 17-Dec-16 16:21:16

I thought 'the deed' meant the same as 'the act',

It's horribly twee but I can't see any connection with duty or obligation.

We talk about good deeds, bad deeds , "dirty deeds done dirt cheap" for AC/DC fans (which I misheard as "dirty deeds done with sheep")

Lumpylumperson Sat 17-Dec-16 16:26:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhilODox Sat 17-Dec-16 18:56:10

I meant deed = act as in good deeds. No duty connotations.

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