Doing The Deed

[PenguinsandPebbles]

I'm not 100% sure if this is for feminist chat but I find myself being annoyed and equally concerned that women often refer to sex as DTD.

I have seen it so many times on TTC threads, and in someway I do understand that it becomes a bit of an effort (2 years no live births 7 miscarriages) it's hard but when TTC, to call it a deed? It's a phrase I guess but it doesn't sit well for me or my partner soon to be husband. He is appalled by this term, he hates the idea that it's a thing we just do.

But what really concerns me is that Ive seen more recently women ask AIBU my partner is doing XYZ and why is he doing this when we DTD once a week.

These women are thinking it's a duty to "DTD" and I just want to say no! No it's not, you should do it because you want to.

You make love, have sex, fuck because you want too - not because it's a deed! Or duty!

[NoncommittalToSparkleMotion]

I never liked the phrase either.

I also don't like calling it baby dancing either, but I digress.

[pseudonymity]

Doing the deed sounds very English to me, a bit like 'How's your father?'

[Eminybob]

It's just a phrase I think.
Personally I refuse to use it or BD on the conception boards, I use "have sex" but mainly because I think they are twee, nothing else. Refuse to use AF too.

[AmberEars]

I think it's just a handy acronym and people forget what it actually stands for. Similarly I don't know anyone in real life who would refer to their period as Auntie Flo, but AF is used all the time on the TTC board. I don't think using the acronym DTD implies that you think of sex as a duty.

[PenguinsandPebbles]

Good to get others views, I personally hate it.

It does bother me more when I see it away from a TTC type board.

I will stop being so precious about it

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

It never bothered me.

If you are struggling when TTC it is really distressing (been there).

I always saw DTD as a way to try and lighten the mood on what can be a truly dark time in your life. I used to joke I'd had pointless sex "definitely not ovulating, complete waste of sperm and effort"
Obviously I didn't really feel that way but sharing a dark sense of humour with others in the same boat really helped.

[birdsdestiny]

Well now I feel stupid. I always thought AF meant A friend.

[HeyRobot]

I've never thought of DTD as being anything other than a bit of a joke that has become an accepted acronym - so either it's become a bit twee or it's a joke about acronyms.

I haven't seen it a lot recently so I'm happy to be corrected.

I do see 'fell pregnant' a lot, which I assume must be a common phrase, but I'd never heard it before mn and I think it's awful!

[paxillin]

I've read "BD" before. "Baby dancing". Bleurgh, must go scrub my keyboard and fingers now.

[PhilODox]

I thought 'the deed' meant the same as 'the act', so a fairly neutral way of talking about having sex? As in, you can say that in polite company without raising eyebrows?

[EvenTheWind]

Like any group of people going through something difficult together, a shared jargon can help.

There are plenty of phrases around sex that do bother me (taking advantage of is often a euphemism for coercion and assault), but DTD isn't one.

[flumpybear]

I've never really thought about it broken down in its smaller parts lol - I personally hate Shakespeare's reference to it!!!

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

I guess if you're posting about TTC then DTD is an easy euphemism for the specific acts that can result in pregnancy. I've never seen "baby dancing" before, but in context I think is very sweet, but then I'm a bit of a sentimentalist. Christmas Eve has particularly happy memories for me, because it was then that my DH and I started TTC our first DC. It did make DTD (& Christmas Eve) all the more magical.

[scottishdiem]

Struggling to make the connection between deed and duty? A deed is not an obligation. Just like someone might do good deeds. Like, "thats my good deed for the day".

[pseudonymity]

True, Scottish. I think the sense that 'deed' is a binding act (and therefore a duty?) comes from it having a legal meaning.

[scottishdiem]

Certainly a deed can be a contract that results in obligations/duties/ownership but we don't say DtD to mean "doing the contract" or "doing the house ownership document".

It is clearly an action word/term.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I thought 'the deed' meant the same as 'the act',

It's horribly twee but I can't see any connection with duty or obligation.

We talk about good deeds, bad deeds , "dirty deeds done dirt cheap" for AC/DC fans (which I misheard as "dirty deeds done with sheep")

[PhilODox]

I meant deed = act as in good deeds. No duty connotations.