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Feeling like a bad feminist

(9 Posts)
IDontLookMyAge76 Fri 25-Nov-16 12:30:41

The other day at work, I was getting frustrated with myself cause I'd forgotten a few things I was meant to do by the end of the shift but ended up having to hand over, nothing major but little wee things it would have just been better I'd gotten done rather than having to ask the next shift to do.

Anyways, my colleagues could see I was shattered n a bit frazzled, I just said 'I'm frustrated cause my brain isn't working', kind of hinting at baby brain.

I know 'baby brain' isn't actually a thing and is actually just a side product of being tired and the brain reprioritising but kinda just used it as short hand to explain how I was feeling because it felt like it'd be easier to swallow for my colleagues than if I'd just said 'I'm tired'.

Feeling like a bad feminist for perpetuating the myth of baby brain Rather than just saying 'I'm exhausted'.

Can I get a hand hold please?

Your brain could have been frazzled for any number of reasons that aren't baby brain. How "hinty" were you, btw? Is it possible you didn't imply baby brain at all, but you think that's how they're going to take it?

user1479992130 Fri 25-Nov-16 12:50:37

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Fri 25-Nov-16 13:39:35

Poor you. It's tricky. I wouldn't worry too much. Remember that being a feminist isn't the same as being Superwoman. Back into battle later, when you're not so knackered.

I definitely believe in baby brain. It's a survival thing. For the baby, not for you. grin

OnTheTurningAway Fri 25-Nov-16 15:20:01

I think you've touched on a difficult issue OP, and I hope some more informed posters weigh in...
I wonder similar, because I actually have very bad PMT... I feel knackered, week, ill, and very depressed (like being unable to concentrate and things as well as bleak thoughts, tearfulnes etc). It really does seem to change my whole outlook and coping ability.
So "the time of the month" is a real thing I experience, then period comes and as I have endometriosis this is excrucitatingly painful and I am out of action for a day, then a bit limited for a couple more days. I find it really difficult that this sort of "proves" the stupid jokes right, and means I am genuinely less employable and things.
But then, perhaps that's only the case, well, because patriarchy. Perhaps if it was considered acceptable to be more productive at certain times of the month, and less so at other times... I mean, if men expereinced this then it would be built into the structure of work and other things, in the same way loo or eating breaks are.

DeviTheGaelet Fri 25-Nov-16 16:27:52

Well....Firstly I think there is a difference between minimum productivity to be a worthwhile employee and what many of us put in on a daily basis. So even when we feel shit for a female related reason (morning sickness, PMT, baby sleep deprivation) we are still performing at completely acceptable level for work. We just know it's sub par for us.
Secondly I wouldn't worry about using "baby brain" as short hand for "sleep deprived, busy, preoccupied and feel like poo".
The absolute last thing to worry about in the middle of all that is being a "bad feminist" flowers

WomanWithAltitude Fri 25-Nov-16 16:32:59

I've never had a baby, and I sometimes say that 'my brain isn't working today' or similar. Did you actually mention 'baby brain'? If not, I don't think you were promoting the stereotype

WomanWithAltitude Fri 25-Nov-16 16:35:41

The fact that you think admitting to being tired /frazzled /brain not working well will lead your colleagues to assume it's your status as a mother that's the problem is sad. And it's even sadder if your colleagues genuinely will assume that.

Plenty of non mothers, and fathers experience all of the above without being judged for it. Why should mothers be judged more harshly?

Prawnofthepatriarchy Fri 25-Nov-16 17:16:34

Long time ago a woman got a reduced sentence because the court agreed that her extreme PMS was a mitigating factor.

I was in a City of London wine bar that night when a nasty red-faced boasty banker type kicked off about this, saying it proved women couldn't be trusted in responsible roles.

I pointed out that for every woman convicted and imprisoned there were 9 men. Therefore, I concluded triumphantly, on the evidence, some women might perform less well one week in four. Men, otoh, were like that all the fucking time. Got a round of applause for that, including from his mates.

One of my finer moments.

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