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A bit of a WWYD..girl drunk guy sober

(28 Posts)
scaryclown Tue 15-Nov-16 01:46:22

Just an opinion thing I guess. I noticed a couple in a bar where he was very 'not joining in' body language and being silent. The woman he was with was drunk and chatty, and he kept pausing, buying more drink, and sometimes when they had a shot each when she was drinking he poured his on the floor. When a groovy sing came on a girl danced past and she joined in eith the girl. he looked like you would do if a bank were pissing you off.. and didnt sort of reengage until the girl was gone then asked 'how do you know her' to which she said I don't we just like dancing. he looked really 'hands on hips'.

It feels odd, but she definitely doesnt seem like a vulnerable stupid girl, but i notice when she talks he looks around the room.


user1472515172 Tue 15-Nov-16 02:17:50


ManaFleet Tue 15-Nov-16 02:25:35

What is it that you consider to be the problem? Sounds like the couple want different things from their evening - she's having fun and he's not. I can't see from what you've described that it's any of your business.

user1469928875 Tue 15-Nov-16 02:41:46

How do you know they were a couple though? Sounds like they maybe hadn't known each other that long - he wants her to be drunk enough for sex and he is tolerating the 'cringeness' as he sees it. Kind of awkward - if i was drunk too i might ask her if she is ok but honestly sounds like a standardly shitty / happens all the time but not ideal kind of situation. It doesn't sound explicitly 'rapey' if that makes sense. But I don't know, I would definitely 'notice' this too

scaryclown Tue 15-Nov-16 03:20:07

I dont mean couple as in going out, just as in 'a make and a female without a group in a bar'

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Tue 15-Nov-16 03:41:32

I don't really get the question. WWID? I would do nothing because I don't see what you're getting at. Do you mean he is a jerk and seems to be trying to get her drunk(er)?

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Unless I am missing something.

user1469928875 Tue 15-Nov-16 03:47:54

I would notice it and think they are going to sleep together and she might regret it - but i wouldnt intervene. This sounds like millions of men and women in any bar at any time - one person maybe more drunk than the other, both planning to go home together. Guy sounds a bit sneaky but i guess they both have the same game. She wouldnt be standing there drinking with him if she didnt want his company. What can you say i guess op

ILoveAutumnLeaves Tue 15-Nov-16 03:53:08

You really do like a good stir don't you. Trying to wind up specific posters by any chance?

Placebogirl Tue 15-Nov-16 04:34:08

A man trying to get a woman "drunk enough to have sex with him" is a man trying to secure consent he otherwise wouldn't get by impairing said woman's judgement. There is a word for that.

Men who do this get away with it because we view it as ordinary and not our business, and because they normalise it to themselves. If I felt safe to do so, I'd let the guy know I was watching by staring or telling him I was watching, or asking the girl if she needed help to get home in front of him. If I didn't feel safe I'd try to engineer a chance to talk to the girl alone, and make the same offer. Ideal scenario in this case is actually for a bloke to tell the guy he is being watched--such men care about the opinions of other men far more than those of women.

engineersthumb Tue 15-Nov-16 06:05:47

Sounds to me like one half of a couple likes to get blasted and the other doesn't. This whole ma gets woman drunk and " I'm watching you" vibe sounds a bit far fetched and plain daft. He may even have been a friend "baby sitting" and she may have decided she wanted to be drunk - bereavement, break up or argument etc. Point is its all conjecture.

YonicProbe Tue 15-Nov-16 06:37:32

I don't really understand what you are asking.

However, if you are concerned about the safety of a drunken young woman in a venue where there is dancing, there are ways you can reach out. For example, dance up to her, yell that you like her top. Get her to take a pic of you and offer to take one of her and him. Ask them their names.

Tell the bouncer you are worried and an eye may be kept out.

What did you do?

VikingVolva Tue 15-Nov-16 06:43:12

Man and drink 'girl' are not getting on well in public, but neither is being particularly nasty to each other.

Looks like they don't have much in common, so unless they are brother and sister, I doubt the relationship will last.

Xenophile Tue 15-Nov-16 07:10:17

Your OP doesn't make much sense.

Is this another GF thread?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 15-Nov-16 07:23:36

Maybe he's pissed off because even though she's living in abject poverty, can't afford heating and is upset that her parents aren't bailing her out, she can still afford to go to a bar and judge other people.

FuckeryOmbudsman Tue 15-Nov-16 07:54:17

Or he's jealous of her physics degree and career as comedian and TV presenter?

Xenophile Tue 15-Nov-16 07:56:46

I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that the OP has what we call on the internets "a bit of a history"?

Dervel Tue 15-Nov-16 07:58:37

Keep eyes on her until she needs the bathroom and make sure a woman goes in and quietly informs her that her companion is throwing away his drinks, and is she ok?

idontlikealdi Tue 15-Nov-16 08:03:28

Seriously?? Maybe he just didn't fancy getting bladdered.

Dervel Tue 15-Nov-16 08:36:24

Maybe so, then the solution is to order a coke. Honesty is preferable to deception. Deceptive practises raises questions, I'd like to think we all take one another's safety seriously.

In this situation the equation is simple:

The woman's safety > potential social embarrassment.

Furthermore arguing we don't know what's going on just underlines the uncertainty. Sure it may all be perfectly innocent, but we would only resolve that uncertainty with action.

Given this has all been resolved now one way or another. It's just a matter of discussing the ideas. You don't want to get involved in things like this fair enough. It's by no means your responsibility.

However I understand why someone would, and support their reasoning for doing so.

M0stlyHet Tue 15-Nov-16 08:50:50

Dervel is right - taking the OP at face value (and I'm resuming given the time stamp on it, OP wrote it immediately after getting home, possibly slightly drunk themselves, hence the inarticulate post), the suspicious thing is the man throwing away his drinks. (It's worth noting that when it comes to advice on spiking, by far the most common way of spiking drinks isn't rohypnol, it's simply slipping a double vodka into a supposedly weaker drink once the target is already to tiddly to notice the taste). The other thing I suppose you could have done is talked to a bouncer. I think police in some areas are starting to have more of an awareness campaign around making bars safer for women (posters in women's toilets with code phrases to use to bar staff to get them to call you a taxi if you feel threatened by the man you're with, for instance). I'd like to think that a decent bouncer, if told that a man was buying rounds of drinks and tipping his away while watching the woman he was with drink hers might have a word with them, ascertain whether the pair were already a couple, and if they weren't, ask the man to leave (even if only on the pretext of "our cleaners have to clean up the sticky mess you're leaving on the floor, out matey!")

libprog Tue 15-Nov-16 10:16:01

who would poor drinks fit in? But why fit in with someone who wouldn't accept you for not drinking? To get her drunk? What else, I can't think of any other reason so that part of the story sounds really creepy.

VestalVirgin Tue 15-Nov-16 11:59:16

When a groovy sing came on a girl danced past and she joined in eith the girl. he looked like you would do if a bank were pissing you off.. and didnt sort of reengage until the girl was gone then asked 'how do you know her' to which she said I don't we just like dancing. he looked really 'hands on hips'.

So, a woman danced by, and, dancing and singing, took his intended rape victim away from him, whereupon he was angry?


Not that I would be brave enough to use this method myself, but I think the usual way to solve that kind of problem is to walk up to the woman, greet her as old friend and drag her away.

Which I suspect the dancing girl did, and he noticed, and was angry because he had this happen often enough to know it is a strategy by which women protect each other.

I am one of those unfunny people who don't drink alcohol when others do, and I do not pour drinks away (where? did he actually pour his drink on the floor?), and I also don't make a fuss when the people I am with dance.
This guy does sound very suspicious. I cannot think of any positive interpretation of his behaviour. Except perhaps he was a spy, who couldn't drink because he was on a mission, and the dancing girl was his archnemesis ... uh... no, not likely.

deydododatdodontdeydo Tue 15-Nov-16 12:08:30

I think this whole scenario is made up.
WWYD in this hypothetical (made up) situation.

VestalVirgin Tue 15-Nov-16 15:24:47

This is much too specific for a hypothetical situation.

scaryclown Tue 15-Nov-16 17:20:23


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