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A Woman's Hair is her Crown

(94 Posts)
Buddfox121 Sun 23-Oct-16 10:32:06

I am a black father of twins. One Boy and a Girl aged 6. Prior to my children being born, I always thought that women spend an extraordinary amount of money on their hair. Especially, African and Afro-Caribbean women.

My wife when she want's a retouch is paying around £30.00 and if she wants weaves etc around £80-120 a pop! When I want a hair cut I pay £8.00 plus £1-2 tip and I am done for the month.

I don't want my Daughter being paranoid about her hair. Spending unnecessary money and time. As long as it's washed and combed . Most Men don't even pay that much attention to a woman's hair as long as it's washed and combed.

Now, my wife is always fussing that my Son's hair needs cutting and I am happy to take him to the barbers or cut it myself. However, whenever I suggest that I cut my daughters hair to a Number 1 like her brother, she protests and intervenes. I think it would be good for her to have short hair at least till she is in her teens. Saves time too.

It gets on my nerves that my wife won't allow me to cut my daughters hair, even though she herself actually want's to ( likes to copy her Brother). I think it's a great idea for her to grow up not worrying that her hair is not braided or straightened or weaved etc. A nice simple 0.5 or No 1 should and can do.

So I would welcome your feedback on the matter, should girls be made to fuss over their Hair, when there are other more important things to be concerned about in Childhood?

SpeakNoWords Sun 23-Oct-16 10:35:40

The most important thing is to listen to your daughter, it's her hair after all. It's up to her what she wants to do with it, assuming she's old enough to express an opinion.

Have you asked your wife why she doesn't want your daughter's hair as short as your son's? It seems that the issue here is a simple parenting disagreement that you need to sort out.

DelphiniumBlue Sun 23-Oct-16 10:42:00

Whilst your proposal sounds reasonable on the face of it, do you know any women or girls with the short haircut you are suggesting? Can you point to any role models? I suspect your wife might be worrying about DD being too different.
However, at 6 your DD is old enough to chose, and if she actively wants short hair, then why not?

isthistoonosy Sun 23-Oct-16 10:51:27

I'm mixed race and had my hair cut short at six for all the reasons you state - I hated wasting time on it, I grew it out around 12 yrs old.
I'd go with what your daughter wants but maybe compromise and do a short style rather than a number 1 all over.

Buddfox121 Sun 23-Oct-16 10:52:32

My Daughter always is in agreement about the idea.

However the Wife's view is:

"This is not how we treat girls hair. It should be braided and grown long."

I am tempted to cut it when she goes out the house, but it would lead to a full blown argument on her return (God forbid possibly a domestic strike!).

It is a "bete noire" of mine and I think it would have positive benefits for my Daughter but the Missus is not seeing it that way at all.

AndNowItsSeven Sun 23-Oct-16 10:53:13

You want your six year old daughter to have a number one cut?
I really hope you are just bored on the school holidays.

Finola1step Sun 23-Oct-16 10:55:21

So you want to give your DD a buzz cut? Not a short cut, a buzz cut?

Landoni112 Sun 23-Oct-16 10:55:57

You basically want to shave your daughters head because it's too much hassle?
Hair is very much part of a persons indentity, whatever your colour.
That's why they shave it off in the army, the nazis did it to the prisoners in concentration camps and Jewish and muslim women cover their hair in public.
Do you really want your daughter to feel ashamed of her hair?
Fine if she wants it's shaved now, but most children want to fit in with their peers and shaving her head will cause a lot of comments to her and probably make her feel very self-conscious.
She will probably be called a boy a lot, again fine if she doesn't mind, but it's actually a bigger decision than you think.

CurrySauce Sun 23-Oct-16 10:57:56

I think at age 6 it's up to your daughter.

If she is unhappy having long hair and wants to have it short like her brother then your wife should listen to that.

From what you've said in your post though it seems to be more to do with what you see as practical and necessary. It's not fair for you to force your daughter to have a very short haircut if it's not what she wants.

FlapsTie Sun 23-Oct-16 10:58:40

I had very short hair all through my childhood. I have mixed feelings about it now, although it was my choice at the time. My choice was partly informed by feeling I couldn't be as pretty as my sister, who had long blond hair and was quite angelic looking, so I wouldn't even try.

As an adult I have long hair and feel very sad looking at childhood photos. Rightly or wrongly hair can be a defining and emotionally charged thing for girls and women. I would tread very carefully.

Soubriquet Sun 23-Oct-16 11:01:15

Are you always this tight?

You've made it very clear it's not the hassle, it's the price.

Pay for your daughters hair to be done properly, not buzz cut it.

d270r0 Sun 23-Oct-16 11:02:31

In dimg this you will actively set her apart fro all her peers. She is very likely to be teased or even bullied growing up, called a boy or a lesbian from an early age. If she was old enough to truly understand this and it came from her then it would be her decision. But at 6 years old she is not. You would truly make her paranoid about her hair and give her a complex if you were to do this. She will be embarrassed about it and try to hide away from being seen. Listen to your wife.

VestalVirgin Sun 23-Oct-16 11:03:19

I had short hair as toddler because my mother hated to have to her long hair braided and combed as a child.

Now, I have my hair long because I find that pretty, but I am very grateful to my parents that they spared toddler-me the fuss with long hair.

At 6 years, I did not quite have the same haircut as my twin brother, but a more "girly" bob cut, but it was still at a length where I didn't have to fuss with it.

Perhaps you should tell your wife that the likelihood of a short-haired child growing up into a long-haired teenager and young woman is bigger than the other way round.

It is only anecdotal, but after being forced to fuss with long hair as a child, my mother never ever grew her hair long again. I only know her with short hair.
Me, my hair has been waist-length at times.

BusterGonad Sun 23-Oct-16 11:03:41

I would listen to your wife and your daughter. Ask your wife to have a chat with your daughter and find out what she would like. It would be such a shame if your daughter had her hair cut VERY short and then got bullied, mistaken fir a boy and lost her self confidence.

SpeakNoWords Sun 23-Oct-16 11:04:26

Don't get it cut without your wife's agreement, obviously.

The thing is, your daughter actually seems caught between both you and your wife with dogmatic attitudes. You want it short for practical reasons, she wants it long to conform with her expectations of girls hair. Neither of you should be influencing your daughter. Let her make her own decision without undue influence.

museumum Sun 23-Oct-16 11:05:57

Afro-Caribbean women's hair is a VERY complex thing. It's not about what is "practical" unfortunately, there's a huge amount of social baggage (much more do than for girls of other races).
I think you should talk about this with other females in your family with the same heritage - do you or your wife have sisters? I think there's a middle ground to be found.

Buddfox121 Sun 23-Oct-16 11:08:03

At my Daughters age (6), there is no price to pay that would come later when she is in late teens. It's not so much the Hassle either but the notion of focusing on one's hair.

VestalVirgin Sun 23-Oct-16 11:08:39

Others mentioned that the girl might be bullied with short hair ... well. You know best where you live and how horrible people are there. The assumption that people are that horrible everywhere is most definitely wrong.

Soubriquet Sun 23-Oct-16 11:09:38

Girls hair is a lot different from boys hair

To a girl, hair is important.

Have you actually asked what SHE wants?

Without turning it to your opinion of less hassle and being just like your brother.

Buddfox121 Sun 23-Oct-16 11:12:49

First thank you for some very thoughtful answers. Although it appears that the main issues are abit contradictory is that of conformity or individual (the Child's) preference.

The idea I had was to try it the once ( obviously with her consent) and see how she felt about it.

TryingNotToWaddle Sun 23-Oct-16 11:16:37

Washed and combed? Lol you clearly have no idea about your daughters hair and its needs.

I do agree with you in terms of... she should not grow up feeling that her hair always has to be plaited or weaved. Because in effect that's telling her that her natural hair is not good enough without having to 'do' something to it.

But a number 1? Really? Surely you're taking the piss here.

At her age she does not understand the after effects... my daughter desperately wanted a 'bob' until I explained that with her Afro curls it would stick out sideways more than down to a line. She quickly changed her mind grin

A good compromise would be to have her curls (doesn't matter if they are super tight or very loose) cut into layers and then she can wear her hair out or with a hair clip/ headband thus negating the need to 'do' anything time consuming or costly to it.

Lorelei76 Sun 23-Oct-16 11:28:16

OP "Most Men don't even pay that much attention to a woman's hair as long as it's washed and combed. "

I shudder to think how you are raising your kids if that's a factor in your thinking.

ageingrunner Sun 23-Oct-16 11:34:38

All little girls seem to have long hair these days. In fact even when I was at school in the 80s I felt different at the age of 6 because I didn't have long straight hair like all the other girls. If you cut your daughter's hair short you could be making her life at school more difficult. Sad but true.

AyeAmarok Sun 23-Oct-16 11:37:10

I am tempted to cut it when she goes out the house, but it would lead to a full blown argument on her return (God forbid possibly a domestic strike!).

You're sounding like a bit of an arse.

LegoCaltrops Sun 23-Oct-16 11:41:38

You don't believe that at your DD's age there is any price to pay later. I presume you mean consequences in terms of life choices or effects on her self esteem etc. Not necessarily so. My mum made me have very hort hair (not a buzz cut, admittedly), as a child. I grew it as soon as she deemed me old enough to take care of it myself, & spent most of my teens & 20s with extremely long hair - between waist length & mid thigh length. I have to have it short now for medical reasons & frankly I'm gutted. Don't underestimate the power of choice, or lack of it, on your DD's self esteem.

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