Today, we (me and dh) took our children to a local park. The children ran off to play and dh went off for a run. I settled on a bench with my kindle and a cup of tea.
All was good until some guy appeared out from the wooded area behind me. Firstly he made me jump, fine not his fault, I have PTSD, I am jumpy. Then he just looked at me for a couple of seconds longer than i would have deemed necessary to take in the surroundings.
Then he asked if I minded if he sit down. Clearly he had been hiking(he was sweaty and smelt really, really bad) so I assumed be wanted to rest. I said "no, go ahead".
He sat down, on the large bench, he sat a little too close to me than i would have done with a stranger, but fine we all have different boundaries.
I admit I was immediately on edge, my spider senses were in over drive. What upset me was I couldn't decide if they were to be trusted or if I was just on edge given the PTSD (which is from yrs of sexual abuse).
He then started trying to make conversation. Asking me what I was reading and then a bit later if it was good. Commented on the weather. I responded with one word answers. Again, that bothered me..I couldn't decide if I should be pissed off that this random guy thought he had the right to intrude on my day, when my responses clearly indicated I wasn't interested (or did they?) or if I was over reacting and he was just making conversation.
I felt sort of frozen honestly. And I've been there before so knew I was in fight or flight. I was trying to deal with dissociation and again couldn't work out if the PTSD had me on edge or if he shouldn't be hitting on me.
My children came over a few times and he read a book, occasionally trying to initiate conversation. He was not threatening, rude, or demanding.
After my dh came back, the frozen fear remained, even as we drove home. Then i found myself asking if what I was wearing had invited his interest (wtf, I know clothes don't matter, or shouldn't) or if I was being harsh, maybe he was just a nice guy making conversation. But I do know when I'm being hit on and around my kids in a park doesn't seem the place to do that. I felt vulnerable. But is that my past?
Honestly I'm confused by it. If i should be angry with him or if i was being too touchy cos of my past?
How could I have handled this better?
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Hit on? Help me process. Long.
24 replies
Chipsahoy · 18/09/2016 18:29
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