“You’ve nothing to cry about with legs like that darling”
Why? Why did you do that?
It’s been several hours but I’m still thinking about it. You’ve probably forgotten about it already, so I’ll remind you:
I was walking to the train station. I’d had a stressful day at work, as well as worrying about other family issues going on in my life; things just got a bit on top of me and I somehow ended up with tear streaming down my face. I probably looked a mess but I tried to carry on walking, hoping no-one would notice.
Just as I walked into the entrance to the busy concourse, I passed you waiting by the cash machine. I felt you staring at me as I walked past and turned my head as I just knew you were going to say something.
That;;s when you shouted the above. Loud enough so that plenty of people heard and turned round to look at who you were talking about.
Why did you shout like that? What did you think would happen? How did you expect me to react?
Did you really believe I’d think to myself “he’s so right- I may be struggling with things in my life, but a random man thinks an arbitrary part of my body is attractive, so everything will be ok!”
And then presumably I’d spend the rest of the day beaming?
I doubt that’s what you really thought, but just in case you are that arrogant: you’re wrong.
I felt like shit. I felt humiliated and patronised.
I’m sure you’d say you didn’t mean to upset me. I’m overreacting. You didn’t attack me or say anything critical. You were just trying to give me a compliment.
But, did you not stop to think that maybe I didn’t want everyone in earshot to know that I was crying in the middle of the train station? To have people turn and stare? To feel exposed?
Did you not think I might have my own valid reasons for being upset? Did you really think that those reasons could be overridden by you implying that a part of my body was attractive?
News flash: Women don’t generally walk about in tears because they’re waiting for a man to pass comment on their body and make it all better.
Of course, I didn’t say anything to you at the time. Instead I put my head down and scuttled away. (I could still hear you sniggering though)
I think you knew I’d do that. I think you knew I was in no fit state to answer back to you. You only had to look at my face to see I was feeling vulnerable, and yet you chose to do what you did.
I don’t know why. Maybe to feel superior, maybe to get a laugh, maybe to get attention.
I’ll never know, just like you’ll never know what I should have said to you, but I need to get it out, so here it is anyway:
FUCK OFF!!!
You don’t get to decide whether I’ve ‘need to cry’ or not.
I don’t need (or want) you to make comments on my body.
Your opinion of me is not more important than my own feelings.
What you said was not a compliment. It was humiliating and unnecessary.
Please, please don’t do this to another woman. I’m sure you must have some degree of self control, so maybe in the future just take a moment to think before you shout comments at a stranger (or better yet make it a rule not to do it at all).
Today wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I’ll get over it. Women put up with these comments (and much, much worse) all the time and they manage to carry on.
But that doesn’t make it ok. Next time I’ll say that to your face.
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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
To the man who shouted to me today...
12 replies
NotMyRealName2015 · 02/09/2016 22:00
OP posts:
BuffytheReasonableFeminist ·
02/09/2016 22:05
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