I am in the process of going through a separation and ex will be moving out shortly (I hope, I desperately hope).
I have often seen threads on here saying that things are easier when you lose a draining, bad relationship. I am struggling hard right now and I desperately hope that is the case. But. I am taking on a huge amount of debt to buy him out of the house, I am trying to sort out some financial products that I have to have and I'll be pretty much cleaned out by then (if they accept me).
Right now I am struggling with something that has started interacting nastily with my asthma, my breathing is poor, my medications aren't up to date (because I was too busy and forgot, now it is the weekend, I can't get to my chemist which fills the prescription till next Friday), I have a fever that is coming and going and feel very wobbly when I try to stand up.
What things do you have in place to stop things like this happening? Are there things that you can do to improve your health? I just can't afford to be ill.
What makes this a feminist question: living without a man rather than miserably with a man feels like a feminist choice. But right now I feel pretty down about a lot of work, no fun, no spare money, and being ill all the time. What would you do if you were me?
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
single parents: how do you look after yourselves?
MaudlinNamechange · 29/08/2016 09:48
I think you need to go to a doctor for the fever. You sound run down and stressed which is not surprising considering that your ex is still living with you and you're in a limbo right now.
But believe there is nothing like the relief and sense of freedom that you feel when you know you are truly out of a miserable relationship. It isn't necessarily a feminist issue but just something that has been made possible by feminism.
Also, there are a lot of negative threads on the lone parents board but they show one side of it. Being a lone parent has been mostly a positive experience for me. Best of luck 
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am two years down the line.
For the first two weeks I had nothing but twister lollies and wine. Needless to say I ended up run down as I had no proper diet. After a while I got back on track, got my finances in order and into a new weekly routine. Most of our old mutual friends ditched me instantly as they believed my ex's lies, the remaining few I ditched myself as I couldn't stand hearing the bullshit that he said to them and I was constantly having to fight for my reputation and it was exhausting. If you have a mutual friendship group look carefully at this and how you see it working in the future.
It is very easy to become exhausted as a single parent. I have been on the edge twice these last two years both becuase I took far too much on. Be realistic. You can't do everything.
Have you sorted any residency arrangements with your ex? Do not let him mess you about. Your time is your time and you need this to recharge.
During that time, do whatever you like. I spent over a year feeling guilty if I did stuff without my child or spent any money on myself. Firstly, you can do what you want and this is your business only. Secondly, you deserve it.
Practically, the two things that have made the biggest difference to my day to day wellbeing are doing my shopping online and being organised with it. If you are stuck in a lot in the evenings it helps to know you have some nice food being delivered to keep you going. It is not cheap but it keeps me organised. Secondly, get things into your diary to look forward to. Whether that is just going to watch a film/lunch/a day trip or whatever you are into. Have an enjoyable goal.
Take each day at a time.
Oh OP, that sounds miserable .
Its not any help to you right now but I separated at the beginning of the summer. The relief of it happening was huge. living as you are right now is such a strain. It sounds like the end is in sight. You just have to keep going.
Is there nothing you can do today to sort your health? That seems like a priority. A friend to collect proscription. your STBX? Have you done the obvious paracetamol to get your temperature down?
Is there something easy you can do with DDs? I know it seems obvious but snuggle up for a film together. My DC are young but love getting in pjs, getting pillows and watching a film. Round up a tray of whatever snacks you can find.
If you want to bake can you do biscuits? 1,2,3 MN recipe is great. No eggs needed.
Sorry, hope it's not too annoying trying to offer solutions. Sometimes you just want a bit of sympathy.
I second the online shopping. I'm about to set up a weekly basics delivery that I can just repeat every week. I keep running out of things and can't nip out of an evening.
Things aren't magically perfect after you separate but they are sooo much better.
Wow 8FencingWire that's so organised! You put me and my wallowing to shame. 
Look after yourself by maximising your own strengths but also by accepting your own limitations. For example if you are not a naturally organised person, then now is not the time to introduce a rigid system of to-do lists into your life. In the early days reduce things down to the bare minimum that you can cope with - which, if you are ill, may mean beans on toast for kids' tea and certainly not going in to work.
There is really only 1 essential rule of single parenting and that is to never ever run out of tea bags.
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