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What even IS a yummy mummy and why do people use it as an insult?

(44 Posts)
mssmithsonian Sun 01-May-16 12:01:30

I've heard this phrase so much, particularly since my ds was born 4 months ago. Why do other people use it as an insult? What do they think it even means?!

It always seemed aimed at middle class mothers. The implication being that they indulge their children and spend their lives downing lattes. I'm on the cusp of an angry blog about looking down on women on maternity leave, so would love some opinions!

(Everyone loves some feminist rage on a Sunday morning...grin)

donajimena Sun 01-May-16 12:04:53

I don't think its used as an insult to the 'yummy mummy' angry. I hate the phrase. More to lord it over those who are seen as downtrodden and dowdy?
Its bollocks. I've always been downtrodden and dowdy grin having children doesn't change you.

Couchpotato3 Sun 01-May-16 12:05:17

I haven't come across it as an insult, more of a compliment to young mums who have the time and energy (lucky them) to keep themselves looking good. Maybe I've missed the point entirely. But seriously, looking down on people who are on maternity leave? Is that actually a thing? (sheltered life I've led..)

Kidnapped Sun 01-May-16 12:11:18

It's an "I'm a mum, but despite this I am still attractive" thing.

It is an inadvertent, jarring acknowledgement of society's view that once a woman becomes a mother then she is no longer sexually attractive.

Can't think of an equivalent for men.

donajimena Sun 01-May-16 12:15:41

Thanks kidnapped you said it far better than me. Up there with MILF then?

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sun 01-May-16 12:27:49

I've seen it written down. I've only ever heard it said by women about other women. I can't recall when it first appeared as a term.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sun 01-May-16 12:29:33

Wiki entry.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yummy_mummy?wprov=sfla1

Zhabr Sun 01-May-16 12:31:04

Lot's of YM in my area.
1. Maternity leave never ended.
2. Live in the local gym 9:15-3:00. Go to the numerous workouts, have green salad or veg smoothie for lunch. Then shower, do hair and make up and off to pick up children from school.
3. Usually divided by cliques, may float from clique to clique. Like to gossip and throw the high school type of drama.
4. I was one of them, but found a job a couple of years ago. Still get some snippets of gossips.
Our local author Susan Bugler (SW London) described this world perfectly in one of her books.

mssmithsonian Sun 01-May-16 13:06:11

I've definitely heard people use it in a derogatory way. Mostly to describe those women who frequent cafes... Which is weird.

I feel as though parents have a tough enough job, without getting judged no matter what they're doing! Apparently looking like you're coping ('yummy mummy') is not acceptable. But neither is looking like you're struggling.

I'm just curious as to what on earth is going on. Anyone feel like this is a symptom of mothers/parents never winning? No matter what you do, someone judges/comments etc?

NotCitrus Sun 01-May-16 13:45:52

It's a bit like "ladies who lunch" - implies have a high-earning partner so no need for them to work at anything other than maintaining their looks, their family's social life, and a bit of volunteering or running a hobby-business.

And usually used by the envious.

Trills Sun 01-May-16 14:08:55

Definitely a derogatory term.

Because nearly every phrase describing a group of women is a derogatory term.

In this case, these women are being put down for
a - Caring about their looks
b - Not working
c - Hanging out together

But of course if you were to not care about your looks, you'd be letting yourself go.

And if you were to work, you'd be neglecting your children.

And if you did not spend time with other mothers, you're unsociable and possibly denying your children friendships.

HapShawl Sun 01-May-16 17:09:18

Absolutely Trills

I overheard "Mothers' meeting" used to describe a mixed sex group of professional people who were rather inconsiderately blocking a corridor by standing around and chatting between meetings the other day

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Sun 01-May-16 17:19:23

I've always hated the phrase but was never quite sure why.

Kidnapped Sun 01-May-16 17:35:36

Yeah, Trills, there's never an equivalent term for men:

Ladies who lunch - never Lords who lunch for SAHDs
Yummy mummy - never laddy daddy
MILF - never FILF
Lady of leisure - never lord of leisure
Mothers' meeting - never fathers' meeting

Depressing when you think about it.

PalmerViolet Sun 01-May-16 17:43:48

It's an insult often thrown at Glosswitch by people who put her down a lot. So, not great thinkers then.

mssmithsonian Sun 01-May-16 18:01:58

This is great! Thanks so much for all the input.

I totally agree about the lack of male equivalent terms. Particularly as SAHD's are often viewed as feminised, or total heroes somehow. It's very interesting.

trilbydoll Sun 01-May-16 18:06:16

I use it to mean mothers who look like they've got their shit together grin a yummy mummy would never go out forgetting nappies / coats / change of clothes and everyone always has appropriate footwear. I don't mean it in a derogatory way but I am envious!

LastGirlOnTheLeft Sun 01-May-16 18:46:44

Kidnapped....I laughed at Filf!!!grinSo funny.

I am quite jealous of the mothers who manage to care for themselves so well along with their children. They are just as important, so why not? I am trying to be more like that. I think people who insult them feel inferior.

Holowiwi Sun 01-May-16 22:21:13

You have probably never heard of FILF because the term used is DILF.

LastGirlOnTheLeft Sun 01-May-16 22:27:21

Filf makes me laugh because it sounds like FILTH!!

GirlSailor Sun 01-May-16 22:48:42

I've heard it as an insult but not used by other parents - only by people who get annoyed by the fact that there are children in a cafe. However, I have heard other mothers be disparaging if someone isn't going back to work.

Being a SAHM seems to be painted as both frivolous and mindless drudgery. Contradictory except for the fact that it requires no intelligence.

It's a shame that the caring professions aren't more respected, as this would probably lead to better standards of care.

PosieReturningParker Mon 02-May-16 07:35:17

Apparently I am now a fit mum according to the teenagers at my sons' school!


(Wears this title with pride)

MrNoseybonk Mon 02-May-16 11:14:00

You have probably never heard of FILF because the term used is DILF.

And it's been around a long time. Submitted here in 2003:
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=DILF

PalmerViolet Mon 02-May-16 12:58:00

Goodness!

That is a long time for an expression to have been around and for almost no one to know about it, let alone use it.

Unlike MILF, Yummy mummy, gold digger or any one of the other myriad gendered insults made about women going about their daily lives.

Holowiwi Mon 02-May-16 14:14:48

Almost no one? Or just the people posting on this thread.
Searching the phrase DILF sure brings up a lot of threads and that's only on MN.

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