is this sexist to be commented on every morning

[moomoome]

every morning i go into work the man i sit next too needs to comment on what im wearing. i work in a professional job and always wear professional dress. many of my colleges wear t-shirt and jeans etc. im aware that my background (Hertfordshire girl, mostly dresses) makes me a bit different from my rural Australian female colleges (pants and shirt). but is this not a bit sexist to greet me with comments about my dress? his comments im sure are kindly met but he and the boss see no issue in this. i find it extremely sexist as my ability to do my job is not based on what i wear.

[DropYourSword]

Depends what he's actually saying, but every day seems a bit much.

[pippistrelle]

Well, I suppose whether it's a problem depends on what he's saying. If he's saying 'nice dress', well, he might just have an interest in fashion, so you say thanks and move on. But if he's saying 'your dress is a bit short/low cut/tight, you'll make an impression on the Board of Directors if you turn up in that, nudge nudge', then that is an issue.

[milkingmachine1]

This would bother me, it would make me feel uncomfortable and self conscious. I think it's unprofessional and inappropriate to say it quite so often. Maybe you could comment on his clothing, every time he says something to you about yours. Make him realise it's a bit over familiar. Are you based in the UK or OZ? Maybe in OZ this is normal and seen as a compliment?

[milkingmachine1]

Do you think he fancies you?

[Branleuse]

I wouldt like it. Are you in Australia. Can you be direct, or comment back or make constant comments on his clothes?

[ElspethFlashman]

What is he actually saying?

He could think he's being friendly in the morning.

I would make it a running gag. But make him into the joke. "Thanks, you can borrow it if you like!" or similar.

Then if you want to go full on, you make It a joke with the rest of the crew.

[scallopsrgreat]

I don't think it matters what he's saying. It's the fact that he makes a comment every morning. He's not making comment every morning on the way the men dress is he? Whether he means to or not he is pointing out, every day that moomoome is different. There is no need to do that. It is quite 'othering'.

[ElspethFlashman]

You could also make use of that though "what do you think of Daves clothes this morning? Dave! Chris is doing his fashion critiques again!"

[Maudd]

Yes I think it's sexist, and patronising. I would do what Elspeth said.

[Pootles2010]

You say he doesn't see an issue - does that mean you've told him you don't like it? If so that's even worse.

I do like Elspeth's response.

[sashh]

You could just try "Why are you commenting on my appearance?"

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Could be sexist, could be xenophobic! It's definitely othering.

[m0therofdragons]

So you wear something different to the others and are surprised when it gets commented on? Seriously!

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I like getting compliments on my clothes and I give compliments (to other people who I am confident are as vain and shallow as I am) but every day when you are not wearing anything new seems a bit odd.

I don't think it is sexist though, just very odd.

[moomoome]

thank you all for the comments. Elspeths was very good. He is 20 years older than me and retirement age. im thinking this is a cultural thing but just like whistling at girls can be cultural it is still inappropriate unless its your girlfriend. no he dosent say it to others that i know of. i will occasionally say to my boss great colour choice when he wears a purple shirt and im in a purple dress but i dont see this as a gendered comment.......

[Peyia]

Not sure if it's sexist as I comment on my male and female's clothes if they look smart. Perhaps I am bring inappropriate! I hope they don't take it that way.

If he only ever comments about you and no one else (everyday) then I agree it would also make me feel uncomfortable.

I like Elspeth's suggestion too.

[PinkIndustry]

Your comment that he is much older than you is also significant - the fact that older men feel entitled to comment on the appearance of much younger women is quite sexist. He would not feel as comfortable commenting on the appearances of much younger male colleagues, or possibly even female colleagues of the same age. It's a sense of entitlement and, even if he has no intention of making it sexual/more intimate, the implication that this entitlement is a given for older men is, I think, very insulting to women.

Put it like this: recently I have struck up an acquaintance with a man who is 25 years older than me over a shared hobby. However, I was not shocked when he tried to take it further by asking me out for a drink - I am middle aged and he is well into old age and, although I am annoyed that he even thinks I would consider this, I am not overly surprised! At work, I have also struck up a friendship with a man 25 years younger than me over, again, a shared hobby. Imagine his utter astonishment and discomfort if I ever imagined that I could take it further!! I would not dream of it - I do not have that sense of entitlement.

Also, I can't imagine commenting on the appearance or dress sense of either of these men!!

[EnthusiasmDisturbed]

Well we are meant to accept and appreciate nice comments from men regardless if we want them or not

It is sexist but I don't think he is necessarily being sexist he to thinks this is what he should be doing to be nice

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Put it like this: recently I have struck up an acquaintance with a man who is 25 years older than me over a shared hobby. However, I was not shocked when he tried to take it further by asking me out for a drink - I am middle aged and he is well into old age and, although I am annoyed that he even thinks I would consider this, I am not overly surprised! At work, I have also struck up a friendship with a man 25 years younger than me over, again, a shared hobby. Imagine his utter astonishment and discomfort if I ever imagined that I could take it further!! I would not dream of it - I do not have that sense of entitlement.

What a strange way of looking at things. I don't see anything wrong with either the older man suggesting a drink or you suggesting it either him or the younger man.

[lorelei9here]

I think it's wrong to be be greeted by this comment daily.

[moomoome]

i was thinking tho that women often comment on each others clothes amongst peers. but i guess the difference here is that i am being singled out and its a daily occurence. just not sure what im dresed in has any relevance to my ability to work other than to cheer the men up who like a nice Boden dress.

[SilverBirchWithout]

Some men do think that a women dressing in a 'more feminine way' is for the man's benefit, and I guess that is what your instinct is telling you because of his comments.

But, actually I don't think the reason or intention of his daily comments are relevant here.

The point is it that it makes you feel uncomfortable and singled out in some way.

Either a pointed or sarcastic comment back at him is probably the best way of dealing with it initially. If this doesn't work a polite conversation with him about how is comments are not welcome/acceptable and make you feel uncomfortable may be necessary.

[catkind]

If someone routinely dresses differently to the general dress code in our office they might get gently teased about it regardless of gender. There are lots of standing jokes. But crucially if someone didn't want to play along it would stop right away. Have you told him it annoys you?

[scallopsrgreat]

"i was thinking tho that women often comment on each others clothes amongst peers." Yes you are right we do often comment/discuss. But every day? To the same person? Of the opposite sex? About the same thing? Can you imagine if you did that to a man every day?