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Children of relatives of male partners

(12 Posts)
wickedlazy Sun 03-Apr-16 15:47:14

So, dp informed me the other night that his cousins dc is coming for a sleepover on x night. We've never babysat anyone else's kids over night, and I'm really introverted to the point I don't like my own relatives and friends to be here too long or I feel really anxious, so haven't asked any of the dc on my side to stay over yet. Dp knows this, christmas day was a very twitchy day for me as we had a few guests here for about 10 hours. But I know I need to suck it up and stop letting my anxiety bother me, the dc is really lovely and gets on well with our ds so I know it'll be a nice night and haven't mentioned it since.

But I've just realised, I'm going to be in charge of the dc, aren't I? Wiping nose, taking to the toilet, making sure they aren't bored or missing mum and dad. Why is it that eg at a wedding, your aunt who's your aunt through marrying your uncle would stop to re buckle your shoe for you, but your biological uncle standing next to her wouldn't even have noticed?

Yes men do way more with their own kids now and take charge more, but why is it with other kids in the family it defaults to woman=nanny? Have a few ideas of things to do (walk with dog then pizza and dvd maybe) but know that dp has probably given it zero thought, and from previous experiences of looking after kids from his side, he will sit reading a magazine while I look after the kids. What I don't understand is why offer to look after someones dc, then take a big step back and leave it to your partner? I would never offer to take a relatives dc, then leave them with dp all day while I sat upstairs reading or in kitchen listening to music.

thatstoast Sun 03-Apr-16 15:50:42

Sounds like you need to make plans and leave him to it.

merrymouse Sun 03-Apr-16 15:53:53

I think many men (most younger men?) do take responsibility for this kind of childcare.

If your DP wouldn't you need to talk to him.

AStreetcarNamedBob Sun 03-Apr-16 15:55:27

I'd go out for the day. Don't enable his behaviour. Really please don't.

curren Sun 03-Apr-16 15:58:40

One of the reasons I loved dh so much was how hands on he was with children I was related to (he didn't have any on his side) and still is with my niece and nephew.

Why would he invite them over/ agree to babysit and ignore them?

If he does he is a bit of a dick. Parenting or supervising children shouldn't your position by default. Why do you think he will assume this?

HazyMazy Sun 03-Apr-16 16:09:48

Surely you can make use of the time and be busy - so he has to take charge.

Eg - I'm just going to sort out my wardrobe/ get something for tea/ take the dog out for a long walk so you are in charge dear.
Make sure he knows you are leaving, make sure the kids know Dad's in charge and have a break.

FinallyHere Sun 03-Apr-16 16:24:46

and from previous experiences of looking after kids from his side, he will sit reading a magazine while I look after the kids.

This ^

Only know DSS, he is definitely not like this. He and his wife are fully engaged partners in raising their children. I know that is only one person, but it is 100% of my sample size.

Have you heard the saying fool me once, shame on you, fool me again, shame on me? I'd make sure to not be around when they arrive and leave him to get going alone, without you there. Id also join in once he got going, but the minute he picked up a magazine, I'd remember something I urgently needed to do.

Wow, did he even ask you before he issued the invitation? Can you have a conversation with him, about what he has planned? The minute he indicated that you are fussing about plans, I'd switch over to keeping clear while he gets started. And any time he picked up a magazine, while you continued, well words fail me.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Sun 03-Apr-16 16:47:30

I agree with making yourself busy. He offered so he's in charge for the majority of the time.

guinnessgirl Sun 03-Apr-16 22:47:06

Agree with pps - he invited, he hosts/entertains! You need to find something else important to do and leave him to it. That way he'll think any further invites through properly.

JillyTheDependableBoot Mon 04-Apr-16 08:26:27

We don't have children, but when my DP's nephew comes to stay he is responsible, end of. I might cook a meal for us all or whatever, but apart from that it's his show.

SofiaandCleo Thu 07-Apr-16 08:12:46

Dh did the lot with his under 5 relatives before we had ours. He used to take up to 4 of them out at a time, whereas whilst he was doing that I was usually out getting drunk!

I wasn't a parent so nothing to do with me.

pinkyredrose Thu 07-Apr-16 20:04:59

Go out and leave him to it? How old is your son? If your partner can look after him then he can look after visiting child too.

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