Emotional labour(4 Posts)
Just came across this via another, general chat forum. It strikes such a chord, even though my husband does way more domestically and parentally than many men I know. I still feel the burden of having to remember certain tasks and having to do them, or nag to get them done. Things he'd never even think of, for some strange reason.
Thoughts? Strategies for change?
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Its a thing I recognise. If I knew how to change it I would. Trying to bring up my sons to be able to take the initiative on these things. DH is a lovely bloke, but we have nearly split up over this stuff a few times, and he still doesn't get it. The boys do get how DH fails on this front, and although they are lazier than I would like, they don't think that they're absolved by virtue of being s man. Its not that DH doesn't do stuff If he's asked, but no ones asking me, are they? It became more obvious when we had children, until then it didn't matter if stuff got left undone because we were tired or busy. When you both work and have children, as all of you will know, you have to deal with things whether you want to or not...school uniforms, dinner,childcare arrangements, illness, food shopping.
My tip would-be get all this sorted before you have children.
Interesting link OP, I'm enjoying reading it...especially as I'm finding myself in the unusual position of trying to do more emotional labour atm!
I think DH is generally more sociable than me and seeing him have an hour long Sunday eve phone chat with his best mate reminds me to make more of an effort to stay in touch with my own friends.
I don't do any emotional labour stuff with DHs side of the family and I've never felt like it was expected of me...but I'm going to try though actually because DH has a much closer relationship with my parents than I do with his (DC1 is due next month so I'd like visits to be less awkward!)
I wander if it's a generational thing? I'm 28 and DH and I do pretty even shares of emotional labour, no one makes me feel guilty than I'm not doing more...I keep in touch with my family and friends, he with his, we both remind each other about health things (eg I'll ask if he's renewed his exclamation prescription, he'll ask if I've eaten any meat today), we both split boring household admin...I have no idea who our gas supplier is, DH has no idea how much more baby stuff we need to buy.
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