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Have you seen this? What do you think? Warning:content about violence towards women and girls some may find triggering **Title edited by MNHQ**

(28 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

HoundoftheBaskervilles Fri 04-Mar-16 22:59:55


PalmerViolet Fri 04-Mar-16 23:17:06

It might have been kinder to let us know what the clip was before.

No worries, I'm sure I'll stop shaking some time tonight.

FarelyKnuts Fri 04-Mar-16 23:18:33

An explanation please? Not clicking on a random link

KimmySchmidtsSmile Fri 04-Mar-16 23:30:47

"So you won't worry and I understand that." Wtaf?
My DD is 14 this year and her Dad would go ballistic at that, he wouldn't play it down or "not worry". I also have a son, it is just as much my role to teach him how to respect women and treat people well as it is his Dad's. On top of that he himself might end up being mobbed/abused/raped.
The video is crap on all levels.

steppemum Fri 04-Mar-16 23:31:50

the link is a video, made to teach about violence to women.

It is spoken from the perspective of a girl to 'dear daddy' and outlines the typical experience of women through their lives.

It is very well made and striking, but would be triggering for anyone who has suffered male/female violence in any from I think.

What do I think? Good film, I suspect most of the people who see it will either already agree with it, or miss the point.

KimmySchmidtsSmile Fri 04-Mar-16 23:35:36

It's a good reason I'm not on fb.
This a viral video called Dear Daddy with some very manipulative images of baby girls which basically says: dear daddy, please protect me from all the boys who will call me whore, finger me when I am drunk and rape/abuse me as an adult.
It is portraying all women as weak victims and all men as rapists. As a mum of three, including a son, and a partner who has taught his daughters not to take shit from anyone, I find it offensive to just about everybody.

PalmerViolet Fri 04-Mar-16 23:39:25

Good to know that I took shit and am a weak victim.

Reporting the thread, needs a warning both for the clip and the victim blaming shit in the thread.

steppemum Fri 04-Mar-16 23:43:27

actually I don't think the film does say 'please protect me'
I think it says that when you laugh at sexist anti women jokes etc then you are part of perpetuating the problem and you do not even realise it.

HoundoftheBaskervilles Fri 04-Mar-16 23:44:28

I didn't find it offensive, it made me cry, I don't think it portrays women as weak, I think it's actually very adroit about what young women experience.

I think it's very apposite regarding the way young men speak about young women.

It's not saying dear daddy protect me, it's saying, if you are a man, you may one day grow up to be a father to a daughter, and when and if you do, do you think the way YOU treated and spoke about girls and women when you were young, do you think the way you casually abused women, as so many young men do, do YOU as a father think that's ok? Do you think that's right?

It's not asking for protection, it's asking for reflection.

KimmySchmidtsSmile Fri 04-Mar-16 23:45:18

That's not what I meant Palmer flowers and I truly am sorry for causing you further pain. Having been through some stuff myself I assure you I did not mean to hurt you. Wankers will hurt women because that's what they get off on. They are to blame for their own behaviour. I just hated the video and think it offensive to fathers who do not condone teenage boys' behaviour.
But genuinely I am sorry for upsetting you.

HoundoftheBaskervilles Fri 04-Mar-16 23:45:21

Report away.

steppemum Fri 04-Mar-16 23:46:37

my problem with it is that the people that the message is for is young men. They won't be watching it will they?

And yes I agree with pp, as a mother of a son, I hope I have raised him not to do the things in the film and to have more respect.
And as the mother of daughters, I hope I have raised them not to take shit from anyone.

But I do think it is a film which makes people think about the role of 'small' things in the bigger picture, why it does actually matter when you challenge sexism in the everyday stuff.

FarelyKnuts Fri 04-Mar-16 23:50:05

In which case a trigger warning and an explanation would have been very useful!
Not just click bait.

HoundoftheBaskervilles Fri 04-Mar-16 23:51:22

And sorry Palmer if it upset you, I didn't mean to.

I really do think it has something to say.

I'm sorry if it was upsetting.

It was upsetting for me too, which is why I thought it actually had something to say. I really didn't see it as victim-blaming, I saw it as the opposite.

HoundoftheBaskervilles Fri 04-Mar-16 23:53:42

I saw it as a challenge to the casual abuse/rape culture young women often have to put up with from young men.

HoundoftheBaskervilles Fri 04-Mar-16 23:54:14

But I will report my title and get it changed - I am sorry.

Meeep Fri 04-Mar-16 23:54:56

I thought it was a bit... rubbish?
Over simplistic. Too neat. Too long, bit boring. Bit patronising.
Nice cinematography?

HoundoftheBaskervilles Fri 04-Mar-16 23:55:38

Ok, reported.

HoundoftheBaskervilles Sat 05-Mar-16 00:00:51

Sorry, I really am, I actually thought it was good wake-up to young men.

But I realise, in retrospect they're not the ones who will actually be watching it.

MatildaBeetham Sat 05-Mar-16 07:37:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenTomatoJam Sat 05-Mar-16 08:53:34

It's tricky, because you also don't want to hide the fact that women are (on average, in the UK) 7cm and 15kg lighter than blokes - therefore generally weaker, and that we're socialised to accommodate and not make a fuss - therefore an easier mark all round.

Of course though, it's not all that a woman is, and no-one likes to have their weaknesses pointed out, and it's certainly not a reason for someone to be attacked.

scallopsrgreat Sat 05-Mar-16 09:29:43

I think the narrative that women who suffer DV are "weak" is quite pervasive. Posts about raising daughters not to take any shit implies that too. And the problem with that is what happens if these kick ass girls do suffer abuse? Because some of these girls will.

Teaching girls and women not to take shit only works so far. There are massive amounts of messages from society (Adam Johnson, Ched Evans anyone) that the boundaries of women and girls are there to be eroded. By men. It'll be a very extraordinary person who doesn't take some of these on board and are affected by them.

And it doesn't get to the root of the problem. This video does at least try to do that. (I do agree with others some warning of content should have been given).

I didn't think was over simplistic either. The message is actually simple. Men stop abusing women. Your actions have consequences directly and indirectly on women and girls even the ones you purport to love.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Sat 05-Mar-16 09:49:52

I really really don't get why the word "victim" is viewed as a form of insult. Can someone enlighten me?

This video is in no way placing blame at the woman's feet, it is addressing the vicious cycle that is perpetuating the belief that girls and women are to be treated in any way a man wishes to treat them.

Of COURSE not all men feel and/or behave in this way, and many parents are not raising their male offspring to have such a view of women - and this is great! Maybe one day, with the input of parents/media/teachers etc. it will be a thing of the past, but this is an ongoing process.

IonaMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 05-Mar-16 10:08:43

Morning, folks. Just to let you know we have now edited to title to include a warning at the request of the OP and others.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sat 05-Mar-16 11:03:40

I think it says that when you laugh at sexist anti women jokes etc then you are part of perpetuating the problem and you do not even realise it

Yes it is trying to say that. I don't think it said it terribly well. The voice over being constantly on the verge of tearful wobble didn't help.

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