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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Gay men who refer to each other as women

20 replies

CallaLilli · 23/12/2015 01:56

I know a number of rather camp gay men who use "she" when talking to and about each other (eg "ooh she's in a bad mood today") or refer to their group of friends as "sisters". For some reason this irritates me. Usually it's because one of them is acting in a way they perceive to be "woman-like" - being OTT, screeching, being a bit hysterical in general. And I guess it bugs me that they think this is what women are like. Perhaps I'm not being very clear here but does anyone else understand what I'm talking about?

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LassWiTheDelicateAir · 23/12/2015 02:34

Does this exist outside of sitcoms? None of my gay friends behave like this.

unimaginativename13 · 23/12/2015 02:40

In the same way the word 'Queen' is used.

In context I would say 'she' is used in and almost sarcastic/ comical way.

CatchingBabies · 23/12/2015 02:56

As a lesbian with a huge number of gay friends and a regular visitor to gay events I have never met anyone that does this. 'Camp' behaviour yes but the calling each other she and sisters no. I would have thought that would be more associated with transsexuals than gay men.

CallaLilli · 23/12/2015 02:59

Oh they exist, I'm not making it up!

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PlaysWellWithOthers · 23/12/2015 08:28

Yeah, they do... or at least they did about 10 years ago

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 23/12/2015 14:15

I've known some gay guys who did this - they were also the ones who referred to women as fish so it was definitely an insult for them.

PlaysWellWithOthers · 23/12/2015 14:22

The fish thing is pretty current.

As is the belief that there's no such thing as lesbians, all they need is a cock and they'd go straight

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 23/12/2015 15:29

Do you mean current as in new Plays ? Or as in still around at the moment? Because the fish thing was over 10 years ago, and the lesbian thing has been around since the beginning of time, hasn't it?

ginandbearit · 23/12/2015 20:31

I live in a cathedral city which until recently had a theological college, where many of the gay and camp trainee vicars gave each other female names and were very shrill and 'catty' with each other when in full flow after a couple of schooners of sherry.

And they really really didn't want women to have any substantive role in the church.

TheseBedroomWalls · 23/12/2015 21:11

I am pretty shocked at this. I thought gay men might be more pro-women, seeing as they know what it is like to suffer discrimination. Ah well, I gues first and foremost, they are men,with all the shite that entails.

HermioneWeasley · 23/12/2015 21:14

bedroom some (and I stress, some) gay men are incredibly misogynistic - they don't even find us attractive so they don't even need to pretend to be nice to get laid.

Having said that, it is a small minority IME

IrenetheQuaint · 23/12/2015 21:16

Bloody hell gin, I thought that sort of silliness had gone out with the 1970s.

TheseBedroomWalls · 23/12/2015 21:25

Hermione tbh I don't know a single gay man - at least an out one - I live in a very insular country town and know one lesbian that is it! So I just presumed....should have known better! Mind you, I remember one gay man years ago who was my boss. It was a silly part time job. I was going out with a gynaecologist (now husband) and was speaking of how he was working in SE Asia to help the women there. He said, 'Oh, he is gay then', when I mentioned his job. As if my DH would be disgusted or turned off by seeing women intimately! Pig!

I quit my job and told that arsehole I would think badly of him forever.

PlaysWellWithOthers · 23/12/2015 23:02

Oneflew, sorry, current as in still commonly held now. In fact, stated loudly in the refectory a few weeks ago.

gin.. I heard similar in a seaside town and when the churches from that town went on pilgrimage to a major shrine. Made me feel so confident around them....

EachandEveryone · 23/12/2015 23:07

My best friend uses she all the time when he talks about his husband and other gay friends. And, he's not camp in the slightest apart from when he hits the gin I even find myself saying it back

BertrandRussell · 23/12/2015 23:07

Good Lord- are all the gay men you know time travellers? I thought that went out with Julian and Sandy and Polari. Ditto the screaming queens with their schooners of sherry.

But no. In my experience gay men are no more likely to be feminist than straight ones. Depressingly. And worse, it's easier to pretend they are because so many women are so very desperate to have a gay best friend.

CallaLilli · 23/12/2015 23:23

Good Lord- are all the gay men you know time travellers
**
Hah, no, but I do work for an LGBT organisation that has a heavy emphasis on the G so perhaps that explains it.

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SomeDyke · 24/12/2015 09:23

effeminate and camp aren't quite the same as feminine. Many gay men were disparaged for not being proper men for being penetrated for one! so using her was often a reclaiming of this supposedly inferior status. and not transsexuals, certainly not because that would mean taking it seriously! in fact in the current climate she for gay men would probably, like drag, be seen as transphobic. frankly i'd prefer the camp gay men and screaming queens any day to the current gender polarisation and policing.

ginandbearit · 24/12/2015 17:04

Irene - no it was quite recent, and I have known a number - not many, but enough to see it as a 'thing'- gay men who really hated women, and when in 'safe' company said the most disgusting things about women and their bodies.

Especially a couple of really 'queeny' (sorry can't think of a better expression) types , a bit like Pete Burns, who I think were consumed with envy and hatred towards glamorous women as they themselves almost parodied and mimicked them.Perhaps there is a psychological explanation around the hatred of near differences or resentment towards who or what they cannot be that fuels it.

Also know plenty of gay men who are good allies of feminism and very anti-misogyny.

Mslg · 25/12/2015 09:16

I think you may be referring to Drag culture, I know a lot of it goes on there. If you saw episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race, you would see what I mean. I don't think it's meant to be derogatory.

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