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I just gave the amazon delivery man a little lecture on the meaning of 'Ms'

(81 Posts)
StealingSleep Mon 14-Dec-15 13:24:08

I don't usually care too much if people assign me the wrong title, but he specifically asked, then put miss instead of ms on his gadget, so I corrected him. He seemed confused and asked why not Miss? So I explained that generally people took Miss to mean unmarried, Mrs to mean married, and that Ms means it's none of your business, just like Mr doesn't announce a man's marital status. He still seemed confused and seemed to think that Miss and Ms were interchangeable. But by that point he'd finished tapping on his gadget and I was getting cold so I left it. I hope something sticks though!

To be clear, he seemed genuinely interested to get it right, I don't normally give lectures on my doorstep smile

ImperialBlether Mon 14-Dec-15 13:26:00

Whenever I say "Ms", people say "Oh, you're divorced."

It makes me mad when you fill in an online form and there are three options for women and one for a man. It's 2015 ffs!

HermioneWeasley Mon 14-Dec-15 13:26:09

Well done! grin

Nothighgaphere Mon 14-Dec-15 13:29:43

I had this with the tesco delivery man. He said the lads were talking about it at the shop and he said to them that he would ask me about it when he delivered to me. I explained to him it was about sexual equality, and I could see that he got the concept but had never ever thought about it before!

5madthings Mon 14-Dec-15 13:32:59

Oh I get this as well. Dh and I got married this year, after 17 yrs and 5 kids... I haven't changed my name and go by Ms my name.

The amount of questions and confusion and some peoole think it must be illegal tgst I haven't changed my name, don't use Mrs... Fgs.

MyLifeisaboxofwormgears Mon 14-Dec-15 13:34:18

And the default for any form is ALWAYS Mr.

That really annoys me

tribpot Mon 14-Dec-15 13:36:05

I imagine he thought that Ms was short for Miss in the same way that Mr is short for Mister, so was completely at sea as to (a) why both options were in the list and (b) why you cared which 'version' he used.

Glad you took the time, sounds like even if he didn't quite get it he's now aware they are different titles!

LauraChant Mon 14-Dec-15 13:38:33

I have always used Ms (well, apart from when I was little) and have never had anyone query it, when I was single and now I'm married. I have had people ignore it though.

For me it's not just the equality aspect (although it is that as well of course), it's that I have not changed my surname but I am married, so I feel Mrs Maiden-name would be a bit weird. I would be Ms if I was unmarried as well though.

LauraChant Mon 14-Dec-15 13:40:57

Oh, and 5madthings yes to the confusion about not changing your name on marriage - some years after I was married my mum still thought I was "really", "legally" called Laura Husbandname and that everyone was just calling me Laura Maiden-name out of respect for my whim.

MrsJayy Mon 14-Dec-15 13:44:46

Im just amazed you could right legibley (sp) on his doodah i usually do a squiggle grin he learned something new today good for you

MrsJayy Mon 14-Dec-15 13:45:31

Oh deary me write

SeaRabbit Mon 14-Dec-15 13:47:45

I wish they wouldn't require titles - Why do I have to be Ms Sea Rabbit - they could write 'Dear Sea Rabbit', not 'Dear Ms Rabbit'. But agree Ms is better than Mrs or Miss.

StealingSleep Mon 14-Dec-15 13:51:48

He was typing my name in to say who had taken delivery I think, I didn't sign. My signature is illegible as it is without using their impossible scribbly things. So really no need for any title at all, which would be my preference.

tribpot - that makes sense. It's the first time I've come across someone who thought Miss and Ms are the same, so I wasn't sure where the confusion was.

The forms with three options for women and only one for men irritate me too, even though I should be happy they at least have the Ms option. It still feels like an interrogation that men don't have.

tribpot Mon 14-Dec-15 13:52:02

LOL LauraChant, remiss of you not to know the legality of your own name grin

Similar to you, always used Ms, didn't change my name on marriage. Did not have my mother questioning the legality of my name choice, though - I missed out on that delight. My grandmother claims she "can't remember" what my name is now, must be really hard to recall it hasn't changed in 43 years.

Mylife, if the list is done strictly alphabetically (excluding unlikely titles like Baron and Colonel) Miss will be first, which is possibly no less annoying than it being ordered Mr, Mrs, Ms, Miss.

StealingSleep Mon 14-Dec-15 13:52:57

Like women are still being categorised.

Rollermum Mon 14-Dec-15 13:59:17

Well done OP. I have had people assume Ms is because I'm divorced, or because I am ashamed of not being married (though I am married).

I cringe at this time of year - it's when I realise that none of my or my DH's family know my title or surname. I am NOT Mrs DH. I am Dr Ownsurname. Not too precious about the Dr, Ms is also fine, but I haven't changed my name. If I haven't changed it on Facebook or my email then that means I haven't changed it. GRRRR!

Also HV came the other day and said, 'can we just clear up, are you actually married?' (Like I lied because I was pregnant or something hmm).
Me: Yes, why?
HV: Because you have different surnames and we were wondering about it in the office.

FFS it is 2015 and having different surnames but being married is a conversation at the office?!

VestalVirgin Mon 14-Dec-15 14:02:17

Is there a reason why either Miss or Mrs cannot be made the universal word?

It is probably easier in the languages where the title for unmarried women was a belittling form of the title for married women.

Ms is so difficult to pronounce.

StealingSleep Mon 14-Dec-15 14:04:43

I've always said I'd prefer the system in other countries where their equivalent of Miss/Mrs works more like Master/Mister, and is nothing to do with being married. I can't imagine being able to change the system here though.

LyndaNotLinda Mon 14-Dec-15 14:11:00

People always assume I'm Mrs because a) I own a house and b) I'm a mother.

I hate the 'is that Mrs or Miss?' question with a passion and find it profoundly depressing that it's still being asked

Lanchester Mon 14-Dec-15 14:36:53

If someone called "Anne Smith" addresses an email to you and starts
"Dear Mrs. Sempringham,"
and finishes
"Best wishes,

If Anne has not anywhere indicated her desired title
she has been IMPOLITE
now if you reply you are going to have to either

1) PRESUME to start the reply using her first name "Dear Anne"
(whereas she accorded you the courtesy of your formal title)
2) address her as "Dear Ms. Smith"
which now seems unfriendly and cold as she has signed off her original email as "Best wishes, Anne"

So either way Anne has been impolite because she is making you feel awkward however you address her.

So perhaps it would be good when people send a communication always somewhere identify yourself as you wish to be addressed if a reply may be sent to you.

GreenTomatoJam Mon 14-Dec-15 14:44:45

Lanchester - if she's signed off using her first name, I would assume that that is what she wanted to be called.

Doesn't seem rude to me.

StealingSleep Mon 14-Dec-15 14:45:46

If someone has signed off an email with 'Best wishes, Anne' I'd feel perfectly happy to reply 'Dear Anne'. She has told me how she wishes to be addressed, nothing IMPOLITE about it. You sound a bit hung up on etiquette, the kind of person who says you can't complain about letters addressed to Mr and Mrs DH's name because that is the CORRECT way.

Lanchester Mon 14-Dec-15 14:46:45

And the reason that it seems impolite to use Ms in the example on the above post is because as the OP pointed out
".....So I explained that generally people took Miss to mean unmarried, Mrs to mean married,
and that Ms means it's none of your business....."

And everyone knows that Ms has that connotation.

TooDamnSarky Mon 14-Dec-15 14:50:01

The ticket inspector on my train had to tactfully explain to someone with a photo card that Ms was not an abbreviation for Master smile

StealingSleep Mon 14-Dec-15 14:51:30

Eh? What connotation? None of your business = you don't need to know.

If you don't know someone's marital status, it isn't insulting to use Ms.

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