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"The hardest thing about being a wOman is deciding what to wear"

(78 Posts)
IndominusRex Wed 11-Nov-15 08:33:49

I've never posted here before so I'm a bit nervous (waves hello) but reading this quote from the Glamour awards made me so frustrated I could burst.

So to stop me feeling like my head might actually explode, I'd like to ask, what's your hardest thing about being a woman?

I'm stuck choosing between endometriosis, constantly being told by society that I'm doing things wrong, being felt up on the tube, or the lovely PTSD thanks to abusive ex.

Although picking the right t shirt out IS tough sometimes...

BuffytheScaryFeministBOO Wed 11-Nov-15 08:40:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

99percentchocolate Wed 11-Nov-15 08:42:33

What twats. I'm finding hyperemesis pretty damn tough right now (four hospital admissions so far and counting). Before getting pregnant with DD it was hearing that due to endometriosis there was a strong likelihood that we would need IVF to conceive.
On top of that is the general misogyny we face daily, not to mention the fact that women earn less than men.
And I think I have it bloody easy compared to many.

99percentchocolate Wed 11-Nov-15 08:42:58

(And hello, we are nice I promise)

PlaysWellWithOthers Wed 11-Nov-15 08:46:57

For me personally, it's not being thought of as an actual fully functioning human being.

Globally the hardest things are so many, so multifaceted and appear to be so insurmountable that it's easy to lose hope.... maybe that's why Jenner thinks that the hardest thing is choosing the right frock to wear, because they can't get their head around all the hideous issues REALLY facing women. In a choice between picking the right shoes to go with their newest YSL skirt and having to think of little girls having their clitorises cut out in a hut somewhere, maybe they find the former easier to cope with? trying to make Jenner seem less like a poorly informed child

And welcome to FWR... don't believe the hype grin

TheDowagerCuntess Wed 11-Nov-15 08:48:11

I count myself lucky - for me it's just carrying the weight of the household, and what the family needs. DH is great, genuinely, but it's the wifework, you know. You have no idea until you become one/a mother.

Wider than that, for our gender (not - and never thus far in my life - me, myself), it's the violence and rape that's inflicted on us. I think it's a total and insidious scourge.

So no, not deciding what to wear.

IndominusRex Wed 11-Nov-15 08:53:16

Plays - that sounds crap, hope you're being well looked after!

Thanks everyone for welcoming me grin

IndominusRex Wed 11-Nov-15 08:56:16

GAH already cocked up - I meant 99.

dontcallmecis Wed 11-Nov-15 09:41:26

What fuckwit said that?

BeyondThirty Wed 11-Nov-15 09:55:14

For me personally, its that womens pain is written off as not as serious as mens (see also mental pain with the "suicide is the worst killer of men" stat). This article i read the other day explains it nicely...

I had my fainting minimised by my GP for years as "its okay for women to faint". A helpful diagnosis of some sort of 1800's swooning that requires smelling salts? Missing the actual medical problem at the root of it, until that GP died and my health was looked at more holistically (turns out i have a "rare" underdiagnosed genetic defect that causes it)

FreshwaterSelkie Wed 11-Nov-15 10:00:25

Yeah, in the face of women dying across the globe from lack of maternal health provision, botched illegal abortions and FGM, gender specific abortion, trafficking, forced marriage, rape, kidnapping, domestic violence, lack of representation, unpaid labour, the wage gap etc etc... above all of those irrelevancies, the daily struggle to find just the right dress is the real killer. Hah.

Who was it who said this piece of fuckery? Please don't tell me it was Caitlyn Jenner, please please don't because my head will probably fall off with rage.

For me, the hardest part is just how un-seriously all of the above are taken, and when I remember just what contempt women's rights are held in by many, many people. That's the part that messes with my head the most - all these things could happen to you, and they do happen to millions of us, but...meh. Just women's stuff, innit?

(and welcome, by the way! I am a very recent joiner and it's great here)

LookingUpAtTheStars Wed 11-Nov-15 10:03:53

If the only way you can relate to women is by your appearance then what to wear probably is the hardest thing about being a woman.

tribpot Wed 11-Nov-15 10:06:42

It was Caitlyn Jenner. In fairness the question asked of her was 'What’s the hardest part for you about being a woman?' [my emphasis]

Her response:

The hardest part about being a woman is figuring out what to wear. It’s always that way; I never thought it would come to this. I had really no sense of style. Everyone around me in my family had the sense of style — I learned as much as I possibly could.

Still a very disappointing answer but then she lives in a family defined exclusively by appearance and material possessions I think? Finding shoes that match earrings probably is somewhat more of a problem in that family than mine, for example.

BeyondThirty Wed 11-Nov-15 10:10:35

<runs after freshwater's rolling away head>

ChunkyPickle Wed 11-Nov-15 10:14:48

Beyond - that article was really moving. At totally tallies with my experiences in this country (pregnancy related. If had one more nurse ask me if I'd have a warm bath, and I hadn't been doubled over in pain every 3 minutes, and hand't already been like that for 3 days, then it could have been funny how little they listened to my estimate of my pain level).

What I wear each morning doesn't even register on the things I have to personally worry about. I'm just grateful I've kept up with the washing enough to find something clean for me and the kids (for whom the final responsibility for everything falls).

BuffytheScaryFeministBOO Wed 11-Nov-15 10:34:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenStromba Wed 11-Nov-15 10:50:51

I'm not sure if the hardest thing for me as a woman is rape/worrying about rape or HCPs not taking me seriously. I think probably the latter.

When we moved to our current GP surgery DH and I were both on antidepressants. DH went in first and the GP was sympathetic about the house move so happily kept him on the normal dose of Prozac he was on. I went in to see the same GP directly after DH wanting to be moved back up to the normal dose of Citalopram because I'd realised I wasn't coping well with my grandmother's death and was asked what I was doing to help my depression.

I gave up trying to get help for my horrible periods - pretty sure it's endometriosis and I've had it since I was about 12. That's been ok since I had essure sterilisation and was on six weeks of androgens to shrink my womb lining to make the procedure easier. It's slowly getting worse again though so will probably have to start trying to get it dealt with again soon.

I've been trying to convince doctors that I'm sick for about ten years now. I've come to the conclusion that it's almost definitely fibromyalgia (I appear to be a classic case with all but one of the common symptoms so god knows how anyone manages to get diagnosed with it) - I've got an appointment on Friday and am taking my DH with me despite it being with a female GP.

IndominusRex Wed 11-Nov-15 10:57:38

All the comments about health care really resonate with me. It's a real, obvious discrepancy in our society, it scares me to see how many women are struggling on undiagnosed with all kinds of issues that could probably be helped if they were given the right support and seen as important enough.

VestalVirgin Wed 11-Nov-15 11:08:13

Oh, I totally believe that for Jenner, deciding what to wear is the hardest thing about being a "woman".

To me, it is the lack of safety. Just now, a political party in my country is trying to remove my reproductive rights. I hope they will fail, but that they are even trying ...

Add to this the fact that I have to be forever careful when walking home alone ... that I cannot travel as much as I would like ...

Oh, and always having to worry about sexual harrassment and worse if I apply for a job with a male employer. That one is bad for my finances as well.

@QueenStromba: Good luck with that GP.

MyLifeisaboxofwormgears Wed 11-Nov-15 11:13:46

Every time you go to the doctors you get told it's because you have a womb - or, when I was vegetarian, because I didn't eat meat and had a womb?
Or I was a hysterical attention seeking type - how many men would get that diagnosis if they went in with back pain?

Anyway, me too - I have a genetic (now better known) condition that was causing all my issues.

queenstromba you can always self refer to a private specialist - that's how I got my diagnosis

CrayonShavings Wed 11-Nov-15 11:15:43

For me, it's the wifework, neverending, on top of a job, leaving a tiny slither of time to do what I choose.

But I'm lucky. flowers for every woman suffering on this thread and around the world. Although flowers won't help obviously.

Hopefully this will be another peak trans moment for many women. The comments on the Buzzfeed article are not the usual supportive ones you get on there for trans features.

FreshwaterSelkie Wed 11-Nov-15 11:16:25

Well, now that I have no head, I've no chance of finding the right dress to detract the eye from the bloody stump of my neck. And as for ear-rings...! Woe is me. (I am touch typing now as no eyes to see the screen)

I'm another with endometriosis. Multiple operations, the last one lasting 8 hours and including a hysterectomy (for adenomyosis as well as endo), weeks and months of my life lost while in bed vomiting with pain, thousands of pounds on private healthcare, infertility, wrecked relationships, lost jobs and menopause at 41.

Hey Caitlyn, swapsies, eh? Your wardrobe issues for my rogue reproductive system. I guarantee it will make your experience of being a woman completely authentic.

I get very worked up about the lack of care for endo and how sub-standard the care is. the only cure is excision surgery from an expert, but it chills my blood how often women just get given powerful drugs and told to live with it, or offered total hysterectomies and sent away with a pat on the head. Not.Good.Enough!

IndominusRex Wed 11-Nov-15 11:49:03

This (lack of focus on womens health) is the one area I felt was really missing from WEP's policy launch.
It's an area I would like to write to them about actually, would be good if others felt the same as I'm not sure how well I will be able to articulate the breadth of the problem.

BeyondThirty Wed 11-Nov-15 11:55:55

I definitely agree, indominus! Articulation isnt my strong point either though grin

VestalVirgin Wed 11-Nov-15 11:59:27

FreshwaterSelkie, here's some tips on how to disguise that problem after we have your head glued back on: wink

Joke aside, wow, that lack of care is shocking. I'm sure they would be in more of a hurry to remedy that if it was affecting males.

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