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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Just going to celebrate my DF's birthday. Bet it's my DH who gets offered a drink.

40 replies

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/08/2015 15:36

What is this assumption that the woman is the designated driver? No doubt if I accept a drink and nominate my DH, DF will Hmm and claim he is under the thumb. Trivial bit annoying.

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ImperialBlether · 15/08/2015 15:38

Could you take a taxi? Solves one problem, at least!

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ImperialBlether · 15/08/2015 15:39

Is your father the sort of man who wants to drive all the time, but when he's had a drink he's happy to be driven?

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WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 15:39

I've never known this

Ime, "Ok so who's driving and who wants a drink?" is far more common.

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JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/08/2015 15:41

He is. My DSM always drives, as does my DMIL.

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TurnOffTheTv · 15/08/2015 15:42

I don't recognise this at all in my family. It's normally the assumption that I'm drinking, brothers, sisters etc get asked who is driving.

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JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/08/2015 15:44

We have that conversation ourselves, Worra.

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Mintyy · 15/08/2015 15:53

I get this in my family. If my dh drives (very rare) he always gets heaped with praise on allowing me to be the one to have a drink.

My father (rip) was an absolute dinosaur in his attitude to women. He was kind and respectful, but totally saw them as "other". He had three boys and two girls, the executors of his will were the three men Hmm.

And, largely because of this, we were never close.

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clam · 15/08/2015 15:56

I don't understand the problem. You and your dh decide between you who is driving home, and when drinks are offered, you answer accordingly.

And if your df pulls a face and mentions anyone being "under the thumb," you call him out on it.

Do people really still live in the 50s on this stuff?

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scribblegirl · 15/08/2015 15:58

I get why this rankles, My extended family are the same! All the men are drinkers and all the women roll their eyes and pick up the car keys.

But I don't think it's especially patriarchal, just rude

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scribblegirl · 15/08/2015 15:58

Oh, the under the thumb thing is though!!

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Mintyy · 15/08/2015 16:00

Why don't you understand the problem clam? Op has explained it perfectly well.

"Do people still live in the 50s on this stuff?" (not sure why you crossed that out) - yes, op's df still does, and that to the op is the problem!

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Pico2 · 15/08/2015 16:00

This is odd. We both get offered a drink as there isn't the assumption that a drink is alcoholic.

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Mintyy · 15/08/2015 16:02

Jeez. Are people just being wilfully obtuse on this thread?

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clam · 15/08/2015 16:06

Mintyy, I suppose because no one in my own circles would dream of saying/assuming such a thing and it seems as though it's only just occurred to the OP that it's unacceptable. And this is the OP's own father making sexist assumptions, so I would have thought she'd have had plenty of opportunity to deal with it by now.

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clam · 15/08/2015 16:07

"Jeez. Are people just being wilfully obtuse on this thread?"

No, but there are people being unnecessarily arsey.

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JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/08/2015 16:17

DF presented DH with a pint of choice golden ale. I got a third of a pint on request. Taxi then.

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JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/08/2015 16:18

Unnecessarily arsey - it's the kind of thing that had me flouncing in the past.

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clam · 15/08/2015 16:21

So why didn't your dh say "no thanks, I'm driving," then? (if that would have taken him over the limit)

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JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/08/2015 16:22

Good question. He dumbs down to DF.

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StealthPolarBear · 15/08/2015 16:24

In our families it tends to be assumed that the one whose family it is is drinking and the other is driving. Which is fine.

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JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/08/2015 16:24

My GF, uncle and DBs always fuck off down the pub on Christmas Day too, leaving my DM to cook dinner. Is that fuck happening in future (my lovely DM is terminally ill). I won't be doing it for them.

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Bambambini · 15/08/2015 17:43

Yip, the christmas drink for the men, crazy. Saying that, many women seem happy to encourage it - not i.

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YonicScrewdriver · 15/08/2015 19:19

We too have a subconscious "your family your drink" thing going on, though DH often offers to drive instead.

Luckily no one questions this but I certainly have friends who would feel as you do, OP.

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Mide7 · 15/08/2015 19:28

I didn't realise this was a thing. Pretty sure it's always been the case, where someone asks if we want a drink, One says alcoholic drink and the other says "oh just a coke please,I'm driving"

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Bambambini · 15/08/2015 22:29

Makes me think of the Fosters ad, "think we've overdone it with the Sheilas!".

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