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Just going to celebrate my DF's birthday. Bet it's my DH who gets offered a drink.

(41 Posts)
JenniferYellowHat1980 Sat 15-Aug-15 15:36:53

What is this assumption that the woman is the designated driver? No doubt if I accept a drink and nominate my DH, DF will hmm and claim he is under the thumb. Trivial bit annoying.

ImperialBlether Sat 15-Aug-15 15:38:24

Could you take a taxi? Solves one problem, at least!

ImperialBlether Sat 15-Aug-15 15:39:06

Is your father the sort of man who wants to drive all the time, but when he's had a drink he's happy to be driven?

WorraLiberty Sat 15-Aug-15 15:39:08

I've never known this

Ime, "Ok so who's driving and who wants a drink?" is far more common.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Sat 15-Aug-15 15:41:12

He is. My DSM always drives, as does my DMIL.

TurnOffTheTv Sat 15-Aug-15 15:42:07

I don't recognise this at all in my family. It's normally the assumption that I'm drinking, brothers, sisters etc get asked who is driving.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Sat 15-Aug-15 15:44:10

We have that conversation ourselves, Worra.

Mintyy Sat 15-Aug-15 15:53:30

I get this in my family. If my dh drives (very rare) he always gets heaped with praise on allowing me to be the one to have a drink.

My father (rip) was an absolute dinosaur in his attitude to women. He was kind and respectful, but totally saw them as "other". He had three boys and two girls, the executors of his will were the three men hmm.

And, largely because of this, we were never close.

clam Sat 15-Aug-15 15:56:07

I don't understand the problem. You and your dh decide between you who is driving home, and when drinks are offered, you answer accordingly.

And if your df pulls a face and mentions anyone being "under the thumb," you call him out on it.

Do people really still live in the 50s on this stuff?

scribblegirl Sat 15-Aug-15 15:58:20

I get why this rankles, My extended family are the same! All the men are drinkers and all the women roll their eyes and pick up the car keys.

But I don't think it's especially patriarchal, just rude <sigh>

scribblegirl Sat 15-Aug-15 15:58:44

Oh, the under the thumb thing is though!!

Mintyy Sat 15-Aug-15 16:00:43

Why don't you understand the problem clam? Op has explained it perfectly well.

"Do people still live in the 50s on this stuff?" (not sure why you crossed that out) - yes, op's df still does, and that to the op is the problem!

Pico2 Sat 15-Aug-15 16:00:57

This is odd. We both get offered a drink as there isn't the assumption that a drink is alcoholic.

Mintyy Sat 15-Aug-15 16:02:16

Jeez. Are people just being wilfully obtuse on this thread?

clam Sat 15-Aug-15 16:06:27

Mintyy, I suppose because no one in my own circles would dream of saying/assuming such a thing and it seems as though it's only just occurred to the OP that it's unacceptable. And this is the OP's own father making sexist assumptions, so I would have thought she'd have had plenty of opportunity to deal with it by now.

clam Sat 15-Aug-15 16:07:15

"Jeez. Are people just being wilfully obtuse on this thread?"

No, but there are people being unnecessarily arsey.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Sat 15-Aug-15 16:17:46

DF presented DH with a pint of choice golden ale. I got a third of a pint on request. Taxi then.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Sat 15-Aug-15 16:18:36

Unnecessarily arsey - it's the kind of thing that had me flouncing in the past.

clam Sat 15-Aug-15 16:21:15

So why didn't your dh say "no thanks, I'm driving," then? (if that would have taken him over the limit)

JenniferYellowHat1980 Sat 15-Aug-15 16:22:34

Good question. He dumbs down to DF.

StealthPolarBear Sat 15-Aug-15 16:24:42

In our families it tends to be assumed that the one whose family it is is drinking and the other is driving. Which is fine.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Sat 15-Aug-15 16:24:47

My GF, uncle and DBs always fuck off down the pub on Christmas Day too, leaving my DM to cook dinner. Is that fuck happening in future (my lovely DM is terminally ill). I won't be doing it for them.

Bambambini Sat 15-Aug-15 17:43:01

Yip, the christmas drink for the men, crazy. Saying that, many women seem happy to encourage it - not i.

YonicScrewdriver Sat 15-Aug-15 19:19:16

We too have a subconscious "your family your drink" thing going on, though DH often offers to drive instead.

Luckily no one questions this but I certainly have friends who would feel as you do, OP.

Mide7 Sat 15-Aug-15 19:28:56

I didn't realise this was a thing. Pretty sure it's always been the case, where someone asks if we want a drink, One says alcoholic drink and the other says "oh just a coke please,I'm driving"

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