What's in a name?

[chris71]

Seriously, what is in a name. I guess a lot if we look at it socially. My wife and I got married last week and I have taken her last name. I wasn't pressured into it but she asked and I agreed. She just didn't want to give up hers and we wanted a common one. So done.
I wonder why it's such a big deal with people but I have been directly or indirectly been told a and asked a lot of things. My wife recommended mumsnet to me as I just wanted to talk about this. What do you guys think about this? Does it really matter to you?

[bolleauxnouveau]

My brothers could not understand why I wanted my mother's 'maiden' name included on her gravestone, it seemed to me as if she only became a person after she took my father's name and her identity before that was erased or meaningless.

[chris71]

That's so sad to know. One of the things said to me was 'But what about you." implying I lost my identity as well. I don't really care. And i DO have an identity! It's us together.

[SpringInTheStep]

It's just tradition isn't it.

The woman coming into the man's household, taking on his name, and bearing his children who will continue the male lineage.

People can be funny about producing a male child in order to achieve continuation of the family name.

In many respects our western world has lost that view on marriage and name changes, but we still live in a world where the heir to the throne is linked to the Windsor's name.

I think there's an old fashion sweetness to it really. I don't like double barrelled names so think someone has to give up their name. In my case, my maiden name was much more normal than my husband's, but I took his name anyway as he was desperate to keep the family name going. It's so rare there's barely any left, and for some reason he's proud of that.

I was married before and took my precious husband's name. I don't mind changing my name so it wasn't any big deal to me.

But then I'd quite like to alter my first name too, as I never did like the full version of it!

[SpringInTheStep]

Ick! That should have read previous husband, not precious!!! He is an ex after all

[tribpot]

Because a man taking his wife's name is incredibly rare (although there was an article about it this week as Zoe Saldana's husband has done it) I think you will receive some interesting comments about it. I would imagine many people will regard you as having surrendered some part of your autonomy (if not your masculinity, whatever that means!) in doing so. Yet the reverse is regarded, in this country at least, as normal or even expected.

As I have mentioned several times on this board, some friends of mine blended their names by taking the first two letters of hers, the first two letters of his and putting 'US' on the end to signify their union. Alas had my DH and I gone down that route our name would be Pinuus. So quite glad we just opted to keep our names

[TommySlimfigure]

I think what you've done is great! I love that you know you'll face a few reactions but you're doing it anyway.

I know of a couple who did this about twenty odd years ago. They came up with something good that began with the same letter as one of their sur names but meant the same as what the other half's sur name meant. I remember my reaction was 'how cool' but my mum thought it was 'weird'. NOw I think they were really brave, pushing back a few boundaries in the early 90s.

I have a different name from my children which is something I've got used to and grown to accept rather than something that I can ever really be happy about. I want the same name as my children.

I think that that feeling is always going to be stronger than wanting the same name as your grandchildren! As only one grandparent (in my case, the most distant and the least involved) has the same name as their grand children. So the point I'm making is that

[TommySlimfigure]

springinthestep I did wonder

[chris71]

Thanks for your replies and support ;) My family did raise eyebrows but it was easier to convince them and my sister was super happy for me (she and wife have been great friend since childhood).
Apart from that, some people did pass comments and make fun but then it only told me who I should be friends with and who not. Wife somehow has only had good things to hear from her friends.

[TommySlimfigure]

Trilbot I can see that working, and people having great fun with that! GORman+GEOrge + us on the end = GORGEOus children and parents. :-p
More fun than picking the right shade of lilac.

[LassUnparalleled]

My brothers could not understand why I wanted my mother's 'maiden' name included on her gravestone, it seemed to me as if she only became a person after she took my father's name and her identity before that was erased or meaningless.

The Scottish tradition on gravestones is "Jane Smith wife of John Brown "

Oh and well done OP.

[chris71]

The kids will just get one surname. The one that both of us have :)

[TommySlimfigure]

Chris, give people a chance to think about it. I know sometimes when I hear something for the first time, when other people have been brave enough to have questioned the norm, and not done something on auto pilot just because it's the norm, my first reaction can be 'that's a bit weird' but when I've had ten minutes to think about it, I often think 'actually fair play to them!'

[TommySlimfigure]

Can you say what your sur names are now?! I would love to brain storm.

[TommySlimfigure]

PM me the names

[chris71]

Tommy, they've known it since a long time. Some have understood and agreed the bigoted rest have gone on to ask me if wife uses the title "Mrs" and of course she does not.

[TommySlimfigure]

Yes egosumquisum, I feel that way now but I think I was more conservative when I was younger. But I guess when all the bills are paid by somebody else and you live at home with m&d and that 'system' works beautifully for you, why not be conservative. then when you have been round the block a few times, you see the flaws in the way things are structured and you feel the weight of society's expectations if you do something slightly different, or do the normal thing but too late...

[chris71]

I unintentionally questioned the norm and I feel cool about it :)

[TommySlimfigure]

I hate Mrs! Good for your wife. I always use Ms. Ms is perfect. It doesn't give away the fact that I'm a single parent, or that I'm in my 40s or that I have children.

Like Mr.

I can't wait until all women use Ms.

Some people try to make me explain it, but I am well able to, if I can be bothered pulling the string in my back and pressing play on that speech.

[chris71]

I agree. More freedom. It was either we both change titles or don't. We thought last names were enough LOL

[TommySlimfigure]

This tool is for authors, it doesn't take anything from two names and come up with a blend that means anything, but

a source of inspiration!

some of the sur names are a bit whoah! ingoldsby-pitkin it came up with. You don't want twenty questions after you introduce yourselves!