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Mumsnet demanding that I change my nickname

(422 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

AbortionFairyGodmother Tue 02-Jun-15 22:52:57

Suddenly after posting on several transgender issue related threads, I am getting a note in my email inbox:

"We wanted to drop you a line about your Mumsnet nickname, because we've have had a few reports from other posters about it and how it has caused distress.

Our aim is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support, and while we're all for free speech, we really don't feel that this nickname is in the spirit of our philosophy.
We're asking therefore if you can change it please. "

Yeah, well, a lot of parents need abortions. My nickname is here because I am an abortion activist who sends abortion pills to women (mostly mothers!!) who desperately need them and are not in areas where they can access them.

Watch this, women. This is what censorship looks like. No "misgendering" people, no getting too far out of line, no being too public about your activism. Because it will offend someone. Best to make my nickname something like KittensAndFlowersLOL, right?

AbortionFairyGodmother Tue 02-Jun-15 22:54:34

P.S. the name originally comes from a woman in South America who I shipped pills to. She had seven kids. I guess her need doesn't count as much as some posh mumsnet moms' need to take offense. For women on the bottom of the economic ladder, an abortion fairy godmother isn't offensive, but something you might wish for desperately. What a classist place this is.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 02-Jun-15 22:55:05

I'm not sure I undrstand the two points together confused

Are you transgender (M to F?) and an abortion activist?

ImperialBlether Tue 02-Jun-15 22:57:00

I don't blame MNHQ at all - it's a disgusting name.

Why don't you encourage contraception, ffs? For women at the bottom of the economic ladder, they can get absolutely free contraception and advice, including free MAP from supermarkets. Why not advocate that?

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter Tue 02-Jun-15 22:57:09

Jeepers shock

AbortionFairyGodmother Tue 02-Jun-15 22:57:43

I'm not transgender. I posted in transgender threads mostly in an anti-transgender phenomenon way; I believe transgender people are not best served by transition. My posts were deleted even when they didn't violate guidelines earlier today without explanation and now I'm being asked to change my nick. This is harassment and silencing by the admins here and I'm calling it the hell out.

Llareggub Tue 02-Jun-15 22:58:18

Only they haven't censored you, have they? They've asked you rather politely to change it following reports from other users.

AbortionFairyGodmother Tue 02-Jun-15 22:58:24

Women in South America can't get contraception at the grocery store, nor can women in many places in the United States. And contraception fails.

I must be having a dense moment as I can absolutely see the merit in what you do.
But I cannot understand the necessity of having the username.
You must have an advanced level of empathy to do what you do for women, so surely you can appreciate that your nn must trigger some distressing thoughts for some?

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter Tue 02-Jun-15 22:58:59

Why don't you encourage contraception, ffs? For women at the bottom of the economic ladder, they can get absolutely free contraception and advice, including free MAP from supermarkets. Why not advocate that?

Not much good to a woman in, say, Ireland or Northern Ireland who already has an unwanted pregnancy. Lots of those women are very grateful to the activism of people like AbortionFairyGodmother.

fourchetteoff Tue 02-Jun-15 23:00:39


Free speech is important, but if you are upsetting people enough that they are reporting you then perhaps it's time to ramp up the sensitivity on this name.
You sound like you have a really important message to convey, but having a nickname like the one you have chosen is using a sledgehammer rather than subtlety. TBH, I am really supportive of a women's rights to abortion so salute you, but your name is a bit grim.

FizzyGood Tue 02-Jun-15 23:01:17

It's difficult to know the whole back story just from your NN, but can you see that without knowing it some people might be upset by it? I think it might be quite distressing, out of context, for some people depending on their life experiences.

I'm sure you do a lot of good stuff, but don't get angry with people who don't know your story - just the same as you don't know theirs.

Peace and love.

usualsuspect333 Tue 02-Jun-15 23:01:23

There are people on MN who might be upset by your user name. Don't their feelings count then?

AbortionFairyGodmother Tue 02-Jun-15 23:01:36

My empathy for women does not have to do with distressing thoughts; it has to do with material, lived reality. Being public about the service I make available has made it possible for me to help a number of additional women. This would be like someone in the 1980s being told to change their name because it said LesbianPride or something. "But why must you wave it in our faces?"

Llareggub Tue 02-Jun-15 23:02:27

That's a very good point about the back story.

AbortionFairyGodmother Tue 02-Jun-15 23:02:48

Feelings don't count as much as the actual lives of women. They just don't. The idea that your feelings should make it so I am any less public about my activism to save women's lives is ridiculous and misogynistic. This is what women have been told since forever--that our causes are dirty, icky, offensive. Anything to do with the female body is gross, right?

TheCowThatLaughs Tue 02-Jun-15 23:03:07

I'm not offended by the user name and I don't see why mention of abortion should be censored really. I can see that others might be offended or upset by it though.
I don't think you should turn your attention to providing contraception either! What about women who are already pregnant and don't want to be? Should they just stfu and accept it?!

Iggi999 Tue 02-Jun-15 23:03:11

Encouraging contraception doesn't help any woman who already has an unwanted pregnancy, never mind if they live in Ireland or not confused
The name is not pleasant for everyone to see every time you post. Why do you get to decide who is "posh" incidentally? I'm sure you can think of another pro-choice name to use.

Lj8893 Tue 02-Jun-15 23:04:45

I completely support what you do but I don't feel your nickname is necessary here. I can understand why people have complained about it and why it is a sensitive and potentially distressing nickname.

AbortionFairyGodmother Tue 02-Jun-15 23:04:45

Women without money often understand much better why exactly someone would want a fairy godmother who provided abortion on demand without apology.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Tue 02-Jun-15 23:04:54

I'm with you OP. I live in a country with no access to abortion and am an activist in that area. I can't see anything offensive in your name. I see something very offensive in the need for your role (and mine) to exist, but thats a very different thing.....

Llareggub Tue 02-Jun-15 23:05:21

No, not gross, but personally upsetting due to my very real life experience in a place where I come for support.

AbortionFairyGodmother Tue 02-Jun-15 23:05:24

So is it the word "Abortion," then? Just unpleasant to be reminded of the fact that they exist when you scroll through a thread?

usualsuspect333 Tue 02-Jun-15 23:05:29

Yeah ok then.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 02-Jun-15 23:05:38

I'm in two minds really. I agree that your activism is important and would be grateful if you would stay around and offer your interesting perspective.

Perhaps you might consider making it more obvious like calling yourself 'The AbortionActivist' ?

I guess the problem with is it that attaching Abortion to 'Fairy Godmother' makes you look flippant - which clearly you're really fucking not.

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