He has just raised this out of the blue.
He isn't on our eldest DC's bc. That's never caused a problem. Now he's saying he wants that changed too.
I know this is 'normal practice' (hence posting on fwr not aibu/chat/parenting/relationships) but it's made me really anxious.
It came so out of the blue, I didn't have much of a response prepared. I said it hadn't caused any problems so why change. I said I didn't want to give up my exclusive rights. He said why and I gave the hypothetical scenario of him running off with a younger woman then being able to restrict where I live etc after a split.
He knew about my stance on this before we had dc1. He knows I had a very bad relationship experience before him (life threatening violence, stalking and breaking into new house after break up type stuff) so I just won't ever feel 100% safe with any man ever and need to have the security that I could escape if that happened again. From my PoV if he was on bc he could potentially use this power to continue to abuse me even if I left. (So many threads like that on relationships board and I know some irl examples too)
As long as he was never violent I'd always let him have fair access to dcs so I said to him why does he want it unless he doesn't trust me?
I'm now going to be constantly worried he'll bring it up again. Maybe he won't. I'll not mention it if he doesn't.
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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
DP wants to go on new DC's BC
525 replies
Jackieharris · 18/05/2015 14:03
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