sick of low level crap still continuing

(8 Posts)
Canyouforgiveher Fri 08-May-15 03:15:39

So dd2 is 13.

my dd and her female friends have actually called a meeting with the school nurse/psychologist at school last month because they are sick of the boys in their class making comments about them that are vaguely/overtly sexual. Things like out on a school tour, taking photos of a victoria's secret window display, taking photos of fully dressed female classmates (like in coats) and making comments on the photos like "nice side boob". Not all of the boys but many.

Today, there was a jug of lemonade and one of water on each table at lunch. the kids do clean up. One of the boys in her class (small class - 30 total), took two jugs handed them to her friend and said "hold these Amy, will you". she took them without thinking and then another boy went up to her immediately and said "nice jugs"

Her friend is about the only girl in the class who actually has breasts/bust at this point.

I just get so so depressed about this. My dd is at the point where she gets angry and does something about it (and we do too - dh is about to email the school) but I just wonder will it ever end? Will there always be some asshole objectifying women and making sure their space is sexualized. I can't imagine my son doing this - but I bet the mothers of those sons (I know both of them) think the same. what goes wrong?

When we discussed this with dd's older sister and brother, both agreed the guys were awful but neither were surprised.

Sorry this is a bit rambly but that incident today wasn't major (a friend in one of the highest ranked public high schools in the country - not just our state - had a dd being scarily stalked by a classmate who had a "crush" on her. the school's response was "couldn't she just be nice to him" while she feared for her life.) but just depressing.

RolodexOfHate Fri 08-May-15 03:32:53

It's not 'low level' if it affects you or your DD. At all. That word cannot be allowed to be used in sexist, homophobic, racist etc cases. Mosquitos fly at low level, Nick Clegg's dignity is at low level, not mysogynistic behaviour.

Talk to the school if your daughter's concerns are not taken seriously. No tolerance is the only way to stamp out behaviour like this.

I actually suspect that the perpetrators know behaviour like theirs in unacceptable, but are failing to see their own behaviour for what it really is. They need a short, sharp shock, to apologise and for things to move on.

Hexbramble Fri 08-May-15 03:50:52

I'm glad I've read this.

I work in a inner city comp and an part of a pastoral team for 12-13 yr olds. Yesterday, I ripped into a class of mostly boys (24 boys, 7 girls) for homophobic comments and racist comments.

Misogyny is certainly par for the course with them. I shall watch and wait and grab them when it inevitably starts.

I'm hating that this is seen as 'laddish' behaviour or "boys will be boys" (have heard a senior teacher say this). As if our girls have to tolerate this.

I don't have anything on our database to show them that misogyny is harmful and wrong and part of a toxic cycle of behaviour. If anyone has age appropriate suggestions, I'll be really grateful.

TheVermiciousKnid Fri 08-May-15 18:01:48

This is what it was like at the secondary school my daughter went to for years 7 and 8. She was absolutely miserable. The school's response was 'it's just boys being boys'. We weren't happy with that response and were told they would look into it and, anyway, they had just held a special assembly on how we should all just get along so that was great, wasn't it. hmm We should probably have kept going, but at that point our daughter was so unhappy, anxious and couldn't sleep that we took her out of that school. She is now at small all girls school and much, much happier.

It's shit, it really is. So often it seems to be part of the school's culture and is really hard to change. But many schools don't really seem to want to make the effort to address the issue.

Hexbramble Fri 08-May-15 18:51:40

I'm still pushing the agenda to address Internet porn in schools during pastoral lessons and the way
it's putting pressure on young girls to 'perform'.

So far, I dont have much support. sad

Misogyny is so ingrained here too - not on a grand scale but it still exists. I'd love more material on it to present in class to my gang of 'lads'. I want to get in quickly before raging puberty hits them.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Fri 08-May-15 18:59:38

I find this just really depressing. I mean, obviously.

Children in situations like this are being socialised, both the girls and the boys, in really awful ways.

The girls are being taught very young that they will attract sexual harrassment, that this is normal, that the response is to put up and shut up, and that males doing this is completely normal and should be tolerated, and is tolerated by those in authority.

And then people wonder why girls and women are so slow to speak up / don't speak up when they are felt up on the tube or worse.

It's just awful.

SiobhanSharpe Fri 08-May-15 19:14:43

Have to agree that this is not 'low level' -- how would a female teacher react if the boys said something similar to them? Or if a male colleague said it? They would make sure action was taken about the boys' behaviour, and, I hope, report any male colleague who spoke to them like that. A

And these boys are in for a big shock if they contine their ''laddish' behaviour in their eventual workplaces. They have to learn what is acceptable NOW. I hope the girls (and parents) take it further, to the HT/school management and even the board of governors, not only the school nurse.

EBearhug Fri 08-May-15 21:46:45

There are chapters dealing with this sort of thing in Everyday Sexism (book of the online site) by Laura Bates and The Equality Illusion by Kat Banyard.

I agree with Siobhan that boys need to learn now that such behaviour won't be acceptable in workplaces - and schools should be helping them learn that. It may seem like just a laugh to the boys, but they need to understand how tiring it is, being on the receiving end all the time, not being able to relax, because you don't know what's going to be said next and so on.

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