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Does anyone know a properly high flying man that does 50% of all 'wife work'

(48 Posts)
toomanywheeliebins Fri 30-Jan-15 09:05:17

Just that really? Have a really good job - one that I have worked immensely hard to build and keep. My husband also works for FT in a good job but isn't at the same level of seniority- is not at Director level.We share childcare, sick days and most of the housekeeping jobs 50/50. He is awful at laundry. We also have a cleaner. I am exhausted all the time and was thinking about this the other day. I realised that no man at this level that I knew does 50% of the 'wife work'. More like 20% if at all? But maybe that's the guys I know.

Pensionerpeep Fri 30-Jan-15 09:27:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Titsalinabumsquash Fri 30-Jan-15 09:29:03

Yes, I am a sham and DP is a senior in his 'high flying' job but we cook together, he does bedtime and 50% of housework/homework.

expatinscotland Fri 30-Jan-15 09:31:51

All the high fliers I know outsource the work - cleaners, housekeepers, nannies, tutors, etc.

ByTheSea Fri 30-Jan-15 09:31:53

DH and I are both in IT but I am in senior management and he isn't (although he is well paid). We have a cleaner but otherwise share the load equally or maybe he does a bit more.

PrincessOfChina Fri 30-Jan-15 09:32:02

I would say DH does about 50%. Although I definitely do more admin and things like birthdays but that's partly my nature. He does more DIY and stuff while I direct.

He's a CTO but not for a huge company. Works probably 12 hours a day, slightly less at weekends.

Only1scoop Fri 30-Jan-15 09:32:36

Dp literally has a 'high flying' career and I work part time.

On the housework and childcare front he does at least half probably a little more at times.

Always been the same here.

ShootTheMoon Fri 30-Jan-15 09:37:12

Ha, yes, my DH is also literally a high flyer. I work 4 days a week but also have international work trips. When he's here he does all the cooking, shopping, and bills, spends lots of time with DD, and does masses of DIY. I tend to do more of the cleaning and washing but he also does these. We don't have any help(for cleaning or DIY). I do more in the garden and growing food.

Actually it's mostly me wondering if I'm the slacker in our relationshipblush

Petallic Fri 30-Jan-15 09:39:50

My DP works full time and I currently work very part time. He works in quite a pressurised role with long hours and he more than pulls his weight in domestic tasks. He's taking the DC away for a few days and is going to sort the kids haircuts out whilst away. He's no good at meal planning or dates but as I can't remember when I last had to hoover, I'll take that as a fair trade!

irregularegular Fri 30-Jan-15 09:41:56

I think my husband would probably count as that, yes. He earns just over £100k a year through a combination of being an academic and owning his own software company while doing a good 50% of running around after children, all the laundry, and general errands/admin/clearing up. I do all the cooking. We do have a cleaner for 4 hours a week but that's it. We don't have any childcare any more (children are 11 and 12). Or a gardener (he looks after the half acre garden). He also runs the local scouts and is class rep! He largely works at home (which makes all this possible) and tends to fit his non-home days around my work to a large extent.

Maybe the 'working at home' bit disqualifies him from being of the genuinely high flying type? Things would certainly be different if he had a long commute. But I still think he would always do his share.

springlamb Fri 30-Jan-15 09:43:34

DP is MD and spends 12-14hrs a day at his workshops, plus about 5 hours on a Sat. His workshops are local.
He makes the bed every morning, does all the yard work (we have outdoor animals/livestock that technically are MY pets), does all personal care and dressing assistance for DS who is disabled and aged 20 doesn't want me involved, clears up after dinner (no dishwasher btw), makes the 10pm cup of tea, and live-feeds DS's reptiles yuck.
He has never yet not put himself forward for covering sick days, and I can ring him at any time to collect/drop off kids (we live rurally so taxi service is one of our biggest commitments).
He's perfectly capable of absolutely anything else in this house, but I feel I ought to tidy round and stick a meal in the slow cooker.
Although last night I mentioned I was tired and hadn't thought about dinner he messaged back 'I'll stop at the chippy'.
He really is this family's secret weapon.

funchum8am Fri 30-Jan-15 09:45:03

When we both worked FT DH was more senior than I was, but paid the same as I was one level of management down in a much bigger organisation. He did all the chores save ironing, and took the same parental leave as I did when DD came along. He lives atop a massive pile of brownie points while I sit back and admire his handiwork from the sofa....I am incredibly lucky!

Things have changed now as I am on maternity leave with DC2 but I can barely remember how to do housework! DH is retraining me...

LizzieMint Fri 30-Jan-15 09:45:13

I'd class my DH as high flying and when he's home he does much more child-related stuff than I do (to make up for not being home as much). He also will pull his weight in cleaning/washing but cooking is mostly me.
The big drawback is that he's away a lot, so if he was home more, I don't know whether it'd still be the same. I'm a SAHM by the way

dobedobedo Fri 30-Jan-15 09:48:42

dp is the head of finance at a big company. He cleans the kitchen and two of three bathrooms and takes the rubbish out. I do the rest including any DIY and paying the bills.

He also gets our baby to sleep six nights a week and gets up with him in the mornings on weekends most of the time (our baby is a terrible sleeper so I'm up half the night all the time anyway).

He thinks of himself as a feminist.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Fri 30-Jan-15 09:49:25

In Sheryl Sandberg's book she describes both her DH (a CEO) and her brother (a senior doctor) do 50:50 housework and childcare.

I'm sure that doesn't involve washing floors and scrubbing the highchair, more managing the household but people forget that is a responsibility with a workload as well. I often see 'get a cleaner' touted as the cure-all for unequal distribution of housework but it misses the point. Outsourcing comes with responsibilities and tasks and unless you have a live in housekeeper, you still need someone to do the family admin.

blueshoes Fri 30-Jan-15 09:55:27

It is not just whether the man is "high-flying" but more importantly whether his partner is "high-flying" as well and how much of the domestic jobs do they outsource.

It makes sense that if his partner works pt or is a SAHM that she would have to do more of the "wife work" simply because she is in the house more and frankly that is in her job spec. However, when he comes home, he should still be expected to muck in but that could end up just being 20% or less depending on how long he spends at work or travels on business.

TheKettleIsOn Fri 30-Jan-15 10:01:10

My Dp has done 100% for a while due to my health problems, including up in the night with a new baby. We did have a nanny for a while - she looked after me too! The food was terrible and we had no green veg for 6 months and a wash basket catastrophe but it was temporary while i recovered.

I am now a "sham SAHM" but he still does a lot at home. However he works 15 mins drive away, with little to no overnight travel. He has responsibility that would stop me sleeping at night and is at director level but keeps reasonable office hours (and with the responsibility has come some flexibility) so is here for the children. He likes mopping floors and cleaning windows, go figure! He's quite a character and I don't hold him up as an example to emulate.

I can see why you are exhausted by the relentless housework and resent your DH. You need to outsource more, or get him to outsource more!
A cleaner doesn't sort stuff and tidy or wash your laundry - it doesn't solve much (as you know) and I know Sahps who have a cleaner!

TisAwfulSad Fri 30-Jan-15 10:05:41

Yes, my husband.

But he is self employed in a web-based role and works from home 3-4 days a week. I don't think he could do it if he was out of the house 7.30am-7pm like a lot of 'high flying' men in the city etc. He works at home from about 6am-7.30am, then joins in with getting the kids ready and off to school. He works for 5/6 hours during the day, and will usually do some housework during that time too, and then again for several hours in the evening.

I'm not working currently, but until last year was in a full-time management role myself.

We outsource various things. We have had a cleaner for years, and lots of help with childcare (full time daycare, then a nanny, now after school clubs).

When I was working FT (and even now to be honest) we take turns to cook, do the washing/ironing, food shop, oversee the kids homework etc. and we have jobs that each of us take responsibility for - he does the bins, recycling, takes the kids to certain classes. I clean the car, do meal plans and take kids to other clubs.

It has always been this way, I think because I went back to a full time management role after our first child was born and we both realised our lives just wouldnt work if housework and after-hours childcare was all left to me!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Fri 30-Jan-15 10:13:33

Dh is a high flier, and I am a SAHM. Due to depression and other health issues, I have always been pretty poor at doing some elements of the housework, and dh has taken them on. For example, he does all of the ironing - even sheets and duvet covers, and most of the laundry. He does the weekly shop on his own, if I can't face going out, and cooks two or three nights a week as well.

Frankly, he probably does more than 50% of the housework.

Other wifework - things like planning meals, doing shopping lists, choosing christmas and birthday presents, wrapping etc tends to fall to me, but it probably still works out to a 50:50 split.

crje Fri 30-Jan-15 10:24:42

When he is here he does 50%+
He travels a lot so those times I do 100%

I never do nothing but neither does he as his job is very challenging.

RufusTheReindeer Fri 30-Jan-15 14:58:09

DH has a good job and is out of the House from about 7 til 7

I work for 4.5 hours a week

Depending on your definition of wife work (going by what other women have said) I would say it's 50/50

Might be higher or lower depending on the week...holidays etc

SardineQueen Fri 30-Jan-15 15:40:57

Just skimmed a bit but bear in mind that in feminism section you may get a different distribution of answers than elsewhere! Not that all feminists will have super 50/50 men but maybe more of us will?

Anyway. We both work FT, I earn more, he does shifts. Neither of us are super high flyer! I am more ambitious than him though and so put more into work IYSWIM. He does more than me grunt-work but I do all the thinking so all the bills organisation food order every week is homework done blah etc. Maybe works out 50/50 ish in the end.

Suzietwo Fri 30-Jan-15 15:47:58

I am surprised that this is in the feminism section - why is it not worded as high flying partner, rather than man?

Fwiw I am nearing the peak of my career and earning significantly. My bloke is the house husband. I don't do half of the 'wife work' (crrrriiinge) because awHAT WOULD BE THE FUCKING POINT IN THAT???

toomanywheeliebins Fri 30-Jan-15 17:19:47

Hi all, thanks for comments so far. I also hate the expression 'wife work' but I accept it it's a relatively well known expression on these boards. Just to be clear I don't resent DH in any way- he's great but was wondering whether to be truly successful the other partner has to take on more than 50% of the share of household related activity.
I agree with pp that oursourcing only solves part of the problem as it ANOTHER person to pay, instruct and manage...

toomanywheeliebins Fri 30-Jan-15 17:22:06

PS loved all the posters who had pilot husbands

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