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I can't shake the annoyance at this comment

(74 Posts)
TooOldForGlitter Sat 20-Dec-14 11:10:48

I've been toying with starting a thread since I heard this comment on Thursday and I keep stopping myself because it seems so very trivial. Here we are on Saturday and it's still bothering me so maybe I need to write it down and see if that helps!

I took a 'phonecall at work on Thursday, the woman was reporting that some of the street lights near her unit were out. She said she had reported it last week and nothing had been done, she said it needed sorting asap because "it isn't right to expect young ladies to walk to the car park in the dark".

It really pissed me off. The use of young ladies, the implication that these young ladies were at risk, nobody else you understand, just the young ladies. I'm being ridiculous aren't I?

southeastastra Sat 20-Dec-14 11:12:28

no but maybe they are at more of a risk? we don't like in uptopia

pictish Sat 20-Dec-14 11:15:53

Yabu - she's being conscientious and you are picking holes in it.
Statistically speaking, young women are at more risk of random attack than middle agers, so she's right in a sense.

TooOldForGlitter Sat 20-Dec-14 11:16:40

Yes, I suppose so. confused

I suppose for me it was just hearing yet another example of someone believing, and perpetuating the idea that women (or "young ladies") must always consider themselves prey, how apparently they can't walk across a road and to a car park without adequate lighting to protect them from those nasty rapists.

Pointlessfan Sat 20-Dec-14 11:18:55

She was probably thinking someone might get mugged though, far more likely in a dark, unlit area.

Micah Sat 20-Dec-14 11:19:04

I agree with you. She's right in that it is a safety issue, but wrong in that only young females are at risk.

You could have assured her that you will install the new fangled "young lady safe" lights as soon as possible, even though it's more expensive than general safety lighting that includes males, children and old ladies, as she's not concerned about them...

PuffinsAreFictitious Sat 20-Dec-14 11:20:46

No, you're not being ridiculous. It is just another example of how women are seen by society as prey.

If she was going for a statistically correct thing, she would have said that it wasn't safe for all the young men, as they are at far greater risk of attack from other men even than women.

It also seems that she doesn't think much of men's behaviour.

Icky all round.

TooOldForGlitter Sat 20-Dec-14 11:28:50

I think the more feministy (is that a word?!) I become, the more things like this really grate on me.

PuffinsAreFictitious Sat 20-Dec-14 11:30:16

Yes, that happens. And yes feministy is a word. At least on here it is.

TooOldForGlitter Sat 20-Dec-14 11:40:21

Feministy I am then grin and actually I do feel better having written this down (and been agreed with!).

Selvsikker Sat 20-Dec-14 11:43:06

I think young women are statistically more likely to be attacked.

But that said, being in my 40s, I would like to be safe too. And I'd like to be able to see the car door to get the keys in.

TooOldForGlitter Sat 20-Dec-14 11:45:40

I thought it was young men who were statistically the most likely to be attacked?

I certainly agree that the lights should be fixed, for everyone, not just young ladies.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke Sat 20-Dec-14 11:48:48

YABU - Especially for the fact that you have being letting this comment bother you for 2 days!!!

Maybe the caller was an elderly lady with old fashioned views (ie females are more vulnerable in the dark than males).

It's not her comments that you should be worried about - more your OTT reaction!!!

Idiotdh Sat 20-Dec-14 11:50:50

Can't imagine why this would bother are over thinking it.

Some ridiculously trivial threads lately.

MamaMary Sat 20-Dec-14 11:51:45

I think YABU to take such umbrage at this comment. And I regard myself as as feminist as they come.

TooOldForGlitter Sat 20-Dec-14 11:55:28

The caller wasn't elderly, she was between 35-45 at a guess.

I did say it was probably trivial but I don't think that means I shouldn't post it, I did give it two days thought!

Goingintohibernation Sat 20-Dec-14 11:58:01

I think you are over thinking this a bit, and making assumptions about what she meant. She could just as easily be worried about young ladies in high heels breaking an ankle in the dark.

Idiotdh Sat 20-Dec-14 11:58:50

Young men most likely to be attacked..however don't know who is most likely to escape.

I don't like Young ladies much as in I wouldn't use it, but its a bit obsessive to think about it for two days!!

TooOldForGlitter Sat 20-Dec-14 12:03:02

Obsessive? I don't think so. I didn't say that I had thought of nothing else for 2 days.

I'm not obsessive or over-thinking to notice, and be annoyed by, an example of sexism in everyday life.

OmnipotentQueenOfTheUniverse Sat 20-Dec-14 12:07:18

I have a slightly different take on this.

Women, especially young women, are told constantly that they are at risk of attack, and must take steps to prevent attack, which many/most young women follow. Many of these steps revolve around avoiding walking by yourself after dark. (We all know these things won't do much in the way of preventing anything but it is what women are told).

As a consequence I am sure that on average women and girls feel much more vulnerable in situations like walking through a dark car park than men. Because they have been told constantly for all their lives that this is the sort of situation they must avoid or bad things will happen.

So I took it that she was right really - expecting young women to walk through a dark car park is asking more than a young man not because of the likelihood of anything actually happening but because a female will likely feel much more trepidation and fear in that situation.

Can't agree with the use of "ladies" grin but for the rest, I can see it's not saying women are more at risk but accepting that socialisation and constant media messages mean that situations like this will be harder on them.

Of course it's possible she didn't mean it that way at all, I guess it's likely she didn't think too deeply about what she meant herself grin but that was my first reaction.

OmnipotentQueenOfTheUniverse Sat 20-Dec-14 12:09:19

So like this:

"it isn't right to expect young ladies to walk to the car park in the dark"

Because they will likely be afraid.

Is how I took it. Not sure if anyone else can see it that way.

EBearhug Sat 20-Dec-14 12:11:07

I get annoyed in Germany by Frauen

OmnipotentQueenOfTheUniverse Sat 20-Dec-14 12:15:04

Someone on another thread said in Germany all females are Frau now is that not right?

scampidoodle Sat 20-Dec-14 12:16:37

It's not really the point of your thread, but I get this sort of thing reported to me, plus issues with pavements, parking etc, and the reason it needs to be sorted out is always because it could be a problem for "young mums with buggies". Not older parents, or people in general - I think people don't like to sound like they're complaining for themselves so they feel obliged to give a sort of excuse and say it's for someone else.

EBearhug Sat 20-Dec-14 12:17:28

...Frauenplatz (women-only space) in German carparks. I doubt it increases security (don't know, never researched it) and it treats women drivers like they've got special needs, whereas if they don't need a disabled space or space to get a buggy out, (which men might also need), they should be just as capable of walking across a carpark as male drivers. If there's a particularly dark and dingy corner, then improve that to improve everyone's security, don't make it like women are especially vulnerable.

Same with street lighting, so the OP's scenario would annoy me, too.

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