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Why don't men care..?

(105 Posts)
AWholeLottaNosy Wed 10-Dec-14 23:24:26

Why do men care so much about football ( and other sports), Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, computer games etc but not give a fuck about violence against women? ( which is real and life destroying) Why do they want to be heroes in a virtual life but not the real one? I know this may be a bit controversial but it genuinely puzzles me.,,

itsbetterthanabox Thu 11-Dec-14 01:03:24

Because people care about fun stuff and care less about serious things.
Pop music is more popular than politics. This is true for women too.

meandjulio Thu 11-Dec-14 01:25:52

I think men do care about violence against women - all the men I know do, anyway. What do you mean by being heroes? I don't require men to save me, I just don't want them to be violent towards me.

It's possible that they don't want to have much of a conversation about it - they may not feel they have much to say once they've said 'I'm against violence towards women' 'Oh, me too'. Though I think talking to men about violence and their attitudes towards it is interesting. I never would have thought that my dh was a 'hit them back' type but that's what he suddenly said when ds was being bullied. We had a loooong conversation.

I care a lot about some daft comic novels written by a woman who died in 1951, but I also care about housing policy and child abuse, I don't regard them as incompatible.

MyEmpireOfDirt Thu 11-Dec-14 11:54:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IrianofWay Thu 11-Dec-14 11:59:53

It is possible to care about many thing. And I am not sure about men being 'heroes' in rl TBH. How would that work?

MephistophelesApprentice Thu 11-Dec-14 12:02:57

A lot of men care. They just have very few avenues to make effective changes without trampling the rights of other individuals of either gender. It's therefore easier to live a life of social justice and hope that the example spreads than to rage against the genuine misogynists who are structurally incapable of admitting their wrong-doing.

It is far easier to be a better person than make others into better people.

Bartlebee Thu 11-Dec-14 12:09:10

Blimey, talk about generalising.

My husband cares not a jot about football, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings or computer games. None of our male friends are into any of this stuff (apart from a couple that like football).

My husband cares about violence against women or men, as much as I do.

mumonashoestring Thu 11-Dec-14 12:16:28

You could just as easily flip the question and ask "why do women care so much about magazines, cosmetics, shoes, this season's must-have merkin with built in lipstick pocket..." but not about violence against women. Or children. Or immigrants trapped in slavery rings.

(For the record, I don't give a shit about shoes but I do care about violence against anyone, male or female. My husband is a huge Star Wars fan and also cares deeply about anyone subjected to violent treatment, and he's not alone amongst the men I know).

QueenoftheRant Thu 11-Dec-14 13:51:22

I guess someone's feeling a bit exasperated at the moment or they wouldn't be expressing this in such a sexist way?

Eg I am female, do care about LOTR and video games but not shoes cosmetics or magazines.

Are you basically asking what makes some men violent op?

specialsubject Thu 11-Dec-14 16:39:13

I enjoy Star Wars and Lord of the Rings.I'm female.

I object strongly to violence against anyone.

would this kind of generalisation be acceptable the other way, such as 'mumonas' suggestion? There are stupid women and stupid men, and way too many of both. Doesn't mean they are all like that.

YonicSleighdriver Thu 11-Dec-14 17:06:22

This season's must-have merkin with built in lipstick pocket..."

fgrin

Kinda agree with mumona, lots of people are apathetic about lots of things. Including me, of course.

ApocalypseThen Thu 11-Dec-14 22:03:04

The thing is though, while men may care about violence against women, many of them really make no effort to understand it and appear to spend a disproportionate amount of time arguing that women don't know what violence against us and probably make it all up anyway (see cif every day). In that environment, some cynicism is forgivable, I think.

BreakingDad77 Fri 12-Dec-14 10:39:54

Men can get apathetic as they can instantly think 'why don't they go to the police' and don't look any deeper.

There needs to be much more made of it in the general media and/or media consumed by men.

I remember in the past when i used to read mens health there were the odd harrowing articles on male rape and violence, but I cant remember many female violence articles.

DW's 'Chat' etc magazines though seem to be full of stories of women coming to horrible ends every month.

I thought the adverts showing the guys banging in the window while their other self abuses a girl were groundbreaking as there is not enough of this.

Mengog Fri 12-Dec-14 12:32:18

Our society is violent, for whatever reason. It will always be so. Some men are violent as are some women. The people who are violent are the ones who need the help. As a non violent man if my neighbour decides to hit me, his wife or a stranger then that's his choice.

As a man, what should I do to prevent violence against women?

BuffyWithChristmasEarings Fri 12-Dec-14 12:41:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbarianMum Fri 12-Dec-14 13:41:18

As most men aren't very bothered (in terms of trying to tackle) male violence against men, its not that extraordinary that they don't do much about violence against women either.

Actually, I must admit that I am a bit of a hypocrite in this respect - I care far more about male violence against women and children than male on male violence -even though the latter is hugely prevalent and not victimless (I don't buy into the 'he should have been able to protect himself' myth either).

Maybe men are just more conditioned to accept violence as part of life?

QueenoftheRant Fri 12-Dec-14 14:26:23

Well, they are so conditioned certainly. Starts v young, you can certanly see it by the time they're on primary school playgrounds. How often are girls fighting physically tolerated, compared to boys.

This is what feminism eventually hopes to overturn.

For now though, we start with getting men to admit that adults have responsibility for their own actions.

solidussnake Fri 12-Dec-14 14:39:01

all the men I know do. The men in my family are completely against violence towards women and even though my mum and dad bicker and say hurtful things to each other, my dad would never, ever hit my mother or any woman.
Men do care. I had a long conversation about DV with my partner. He said it's the same that women don't care about violence against men (40% of reported cases of DV) as people think it's the mans fault. I think its hard for people, even me, to understand soemthing they think doesn't affect them. I care that it happens, but it doesn't affect me.
it's not that they don't care.
it's that they don't understand.

The "he's a man he should defend himself" thing is so silly. How can a man defend himself if a woman has beat him within an inch of his life because he daren't hit her out of fear of being told its his fault?
hmm

BobbyBingoooo Fri 12-Dec-14 15:23:36

I don't think it's that helpful to only talk about socialization and men.

There are many contributory factors as to why a person becomes violent. Alcohol , concentrated poverty, income inequality , gender inequality etc. and of course the fact that throughout history with people killing each other , we're the descendent a of the winners !

It's a complex issue. And I as a man do care about it, but if it's all within a frame of simplistically blaming all men for the situation then it's not a discussion I'd really have the time for.... except for this post obviously grin

ApocalypseThen Fri 12-Dec-14 15:49:32

He said it's the same that women don't care about violence against men (40% of reported cases of DV) as people think it's the mans fault

I actually don't think this is true. I think women are more interested in violence against women because of historical economic and social factors which made it virtually impossible for women to escape domestic violence in a way that men didn't experience and we have, apparently, entirely forgotten.

BuffyWithChristmasEarings Fri 12-Dec-14 17:51:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BobbyBingoooo Fri 12-Dec-14 18:48:40

Buffy, my point is / was that there are a number of reasons for male violence, yet only one of them is ever discussed on these boards.

Your book suggestion just re enforces that.

It doesn't mean there is a void, it just means I have discussions and read stuff that has a wider scope.

BuffyWithChristmasEarings Fri 12-Dec-14 18:54:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BobbyBingoooo Fri 12-Dec-14 19:48:53

Ah yes, sorry your link.... The point is very much the same though.

To be honest I found you penultimate post quite patronising so I didn't bother. But yes another article focused in men and male culture. You're simple proving my point.

FloraFox Fri 12-Dec-14 19:52:56

What was your point? That you don't care? Ok got it.

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