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Envelopes upon which I become my husband

(80 Posts)
plantsitter Tue 09-Dec-14 14:14:37

Raaaaaagh! How do I politely tell people not to address me as Mrs Dh's initial Dh's surname on Xmas cards? Elderly relatives I wasn't bothering with but my bloody cousin has just done it. I have kept my own name but even if I hadn't I would want my own bloody initial on there! Would it be wrong to send out special cards announcing my title as Ms Plant Sitter?? Otherwise how does one let it be known it pisses one off?

TooOldForGlitter Tue 09-Dec-14 15:50:10

It annoys the hell out of me too OP. I'm not married anymore but my mum would do it on every card she sent when I was married. Anything I said was treated with an eye-roll. Every time I send either of my sisters a card it's a source of amusement to the family that I don't address them as their husbands. So, I can't give you any advice but I can sympathise.

Lurleene Tue 09-Dec-14 15:55:18

I'm with you on that - and also what I can't abide is when people feel the need to double barrel my surname with his.

We are married. We have different names. Why is that hard for people to comprehend?

RunsWithScissors Tue 09-Dec-14 16:08:05

I've had it too. I didn't change my name after marriage either.

Like you, I don't mind South from older generation, but when people in their early 30s do it, it does bother me.

I have a return address stamp I use on all of our cards, clearly showing my name as well as DH's. Keep hoping that one day the offenders will notice :-)

The worst is MIL, who complained about not knowing how to address things to me now. Simple, same as you did before DH and I married. I'm guessing it's her PA way of letting me know she doesn't approve of my keeping my own name. Although she's not been passive in stating most things she doesn't approve of ;-)

RunsWithScissors Tue 09-Dec-14 16:09:12

south? should be this

BuffyWithChristmasEarings Tue 09-Dec-14 16:14:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SconeRhymesWithGone Tue 09-Dec-14 16:46:22

I sympathize. I have been married 30 years, did not take DH's name, and still get this now and then. What I have done over the years is to make a point on the return address (or the RSVP to wedding invitations) of anything I send to the violators. It seems to have been effective, for the most part.

SophieBarringtonWard Tue 09-Dec-14 16:52:29

Annoys the hell out of me too. I have asked DH's relatives to stop doing it, the only one to have listened (bless her) is my MIL, who addresses post to me as Ms S Barrington-Ward. Correct! Not hard!

My SIL asked the same relatives not to address her as her DH initial although she did change her name to her DH's surname, & they ignored that request too...

SconeRhymesWithGone Tue 09-Dec-14 16:58:19

My sister had an even worse situation with her ex's family. Let's say she was married to John Smith. Various members of his family addressed envelopes to The John Smiths. She was the "s." sad

PuffinsAreFictitious Tue 09-Dec-14 17:39:46

My step-mother does it. It's purely affectation and she only does it because she knows how much it will grip me. So I studiously ignore her grin

plantsitter Tue 09-Dec-14 18:30:14

Aha! Return address stickers with the correct titles... Definitely the way to go this Xmas. Wonder if I can order them in time!

Crikeyblimey Tue 09-Dec-14 18:32:45

Yep, hate it too. The only people who seem to do it are my MIL and my SIL!! Drives me fucking nuts.

NewEraNewMindset Tue 09-Dec-14 18:36:54

I am constantly married off to my partner in written communication and it pisses me RITE off. We are not married, so Mr and Mrs Xxx is really not applicable to me and is factually incorrect. Grrrrr.

cardamomginger Tue 09-Dec-14 18:39:06

A family member once addressed my birthday card as Mrs Ex-H's First Name Ex'H's Surname. I was mightily pissed off.

Blistory Tue 09-Dec-14 18:40:55

I don't have a husband to be appended to so my local car dealer decided to marry me off in any event.

All of his dealings have been with me. There's been no discussion of my marital status and the only question asked was what name I'd like the V5 to be in. Having simply given my forename and surname, imagine my delight when the V5 drops through the door addressed to Mrs XX XXX.

A minor irritation but given that my insurance company knows my status as a single person, I'd rather all official documents matched and to be fair, the DVLA have promised to change it (although they also think I'm being pedantic)

The dealer on the other hand during his courtesy call following up after delivery had no problem expressing his shock that I wasn't married - because after all, all women of my age are married. When I pointed out that he had assigned me a status that I didn't have nor one that I should have to disclose simply to buy a car, his response of well at least some man was prepared to give me a marital status so I should be pleased was something that caused both him and his colleague much mirth.

I'd leave things there content with the knowledge that he is simply a knob but it was much more satisfying to indulge my humourless harpie self and I did.

Viviennemary Tue 09-Dec-14 18:41:34

That was the way it was done in their day and they won't want to change. It's easier just to let it go.

petitdonkey Tue 09-Dec-14 18:46:22

I always worry that I will get this wrong with friends that are not married or have not changed their name so go with 'Mr J Bloggs and Ms J Doe and family' Is that correct?

We go to Ascot every year and the name badge is 'Mrs DHFirstName DHSurname' I like it but sure it would wind lots of people up!! (We do share a surname but it's very strange seeing his first name - I only get the Mrs bit!)

GoldfishSpy Tue 09-Dec-14 18:50:24

I put 'the Bloggs Family' (where DW has changed name)

Is that OK or no?

petitdonkey Tue 09-Dec-14 18:52:37

Goldfish I do that too, it's when they have different names that I worry that will cause offence.

Hassled Tue 09-Dec-14 18:55:05

My different surname is clearly too much for SIL to cope with - today a massive flowery Christmas card arrived addressed to "Mr Fred Bloggs (DH) and family". Good to know where I stand.

defineme Tue 09-Dec-14 19:06:50

I am married and kept my name. I care about names in theory, but I don't really care about this, perhaps it's because I don't care about Christmas cards? <misses point> The people I think highly of get it right, people who are idiots or old get it wrong-I don't care about that.

MrsDeVere Tue 09-Dec-14 19:12:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plantsitter Tue 09-Dec-14 19:56:03

In terms of people worrying about causing offence, I don't take offence at anything except people calling me Mrs Darling Husband. My name is Ms Plant Sitter but I don't mind if people forget or don't know and put Mrs Plant Husband or the Husbands. Having no identity except the s on Mrs drives me inSANE

OmnipotentQueenOfTheUniverse Tue 09-Dec-14 21:16:11

My mum does this
She does it on purpose as a PA type dig thing. Not sure why confused
She knows I am a rampant feminist, and I have said to her that losing even my initial is a bit shit. She looks smug and says "well it's traditional, it's the correct manner of address" and I can't be arsed to argue with her.

So really all I know is that every xmas she likes to take the opportunity to do something that she knows will perturb me, to a greater or a lesser extent, and does it anyway. So the only conclusion I can come to, is that she doesn't like me very much. She's my mother FFS. It would cost her nothing.

SconeRhymesWithGone Tue 09-Dec-14 21:17:48

That was the way it was done in their day and they won't want to change.

Whose day would that be exactly? Some of us who kept our names are not that young, and at least in my case, have even older relatives who manage to honor our wishes. smile

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