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Is this sexist or have I lost perspective

(40 Posts)
JeanSeberg Mon 01-Dec-14 00:23:40

Friend misplaced her engagement ring which was later discovered on her toddler daughter's finger. Relief all round.

However, the dad posts on FB to say many legs will be broken before a ring is placed on his daughters finger.

He wouldn't say similar about a son would he.

PuffinsAreFictitious Mon 01-Dec-14 00:26:10

No, that is sexist. Along with all those stupid lists of 'rules for dating my daughter' or 'rules for dating my son'. Like they are possessions and you can dictate their lives for them.

It's all a bit shit really, and makes me feel deeply uncomfortable.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Mon 01-Dec-14 00:26:24

Father implying ownership of daughter. Yeah, pretty sexist.

BOFster Mon 01-Dec-14 00:26:25

It's very macho/patriarchal, isn't it?

JeanSeberg Mon 01-Dec-14 00:28:03

Thank you. I feel like I'm getting less tolerant as I get older but people are doing more eye rolling towards me!

PuffinsAreFictitious Mon 01-Dec-14 00:31:52

Come over and sit with us, we EAT eye rollers grin

JeanSeberg Mon 01-Dec-14 00:35:17

Oh yes please!

LittleBearPad Mon 01-Dec-14 00:41:53

It's pretty unpleasant let alone sexist. There's ownership, violence, difference between son and daughter...

JeanSeberg Mon 01-Dec-14 00:45:26

If it was just down to me I would post a reply on the fb comment. But they are teachers of my 3 teenage sons' sport and they would be mortified. Might say something in private at the next class.

TooOldForGlitter Mon 01-Dec-14 00:47:30

A friend of a friend has just posted something similar on FB tonight. The picture of a gun and some crap about "yes my daughter is beautiful but I have a gun and an alibi". It makes me want to scream to be honest. It's got lots of 'likes'. Are they ALL so deluded.

JeanSeberg Mon 01-Dec-14 00:49:30

As I say, if it was just me I would post without hesitation...

YonicScrewdriver Mon 01-Dec-14 08:06:36

Jean, there was a good FB poster once about "rules for dating my daughter" which boiled down to "she's her own person, up to her really..." Might be a less controversial link if you can find it?!

There's a thread about it somewhere in FWR...

PreviouslyMal Mon 01-Dec-14 08:30:15

It's like that fucking awful song that' s all over the radio, "can I have your daughter for the rest of her life?"
Makes my blood boil, as do posts from women bemoaning the fact that they are waiting for a proposal.
If a man asked Dh for " permission" to marry DD, he wouldn't be impressed.

skolastica Mon 01-Dec-14 08:40:00

Apologies, I'm a bit dense when it comes to these things and tend not to notice stuff that others think is sexist - I am prepared to be educated...

However, isn't this comment just a rather crude/neanderthal way of saying that the father wants to protect the daughter? At least that is how I would see it.

PuffinsAreFictitious Mon 01-Dec-14 08:57:14

Protect his daughter from what though? Being engaged to be married? Men? Sorry if that seems snippy, it's not meant to, and I almost get where you're coming from. I think though, if you look at it from the perspective that he wouldn't be threatening to break his son's potential future female partners legs, and what that says about whether or not he feels protective of that son? If that makes any sense?

skolastica Mon 01-Dec-14 09:26:03

'Protect' as in duty of care, I suppose. Which a parent has until the child is at least 16.

I get your point re inherited assumptions about gender.

I'm probably as bad - my 25 year old son is a good earner, attractive and very stable - I've felt a fierce need to protect him from women who want babies. Is that sexist too?

Amethyst24 Mon 01-Dec-14 09:52:30

It's just a lazy cliché, isn't it? Paternalistic and a bit dim, as well as outdated.

But deffo sexist.

BuffytheFestiveFeminist Mon 01-Dec-14 10:11:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skolastica Mon 01-Dec-14 10:25:42

Isn't the rhetoric of violence the refuge of the disempowered? Wouldn't responding with outrage only polarise any discussion?

PuffinsAreFictitious Mon 01-Dec-14 12:20:08

Yes, Skolastica, 'protecting' your son from women who 'want babies' is pretty sexist as well. Sorry.

PuffinsAreFictitious Mon 01-Dec-14 12:24:08

It also suggests that you think that the only thing a woman might want from your son is access to his wage packet, not sure if that means you do think your son has anything else going for him, or you simply think that all women are money grubbing witches out to 'trap' your defenceless boy. Either way, it's a bit odd when he's 25!

Vivacia Mon 01-Dec-14 12:25:39

Horrible women going round, giving babies to poor, defenceless men!

vanillabird Mon 01-Dec-14 12:32:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdamLambsbreath Mon 01-Dec-14 12:35:08

Ugh. It's like it's a territorial thing. 'My daughter is my possession and I don't want any of you men sullying her by having sex with her. Hands off.'

MoistSponge Mon 01-Dec-14 12:35:16

"I'm probably as bad - my 25 year old son is a good earner, attractive and very stable - I've felt a fierce need to protect him from women who want babies. Is that sexist too?"

Yes, and why?

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