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Recovery thread

(49 Posts)
BuffytheReasonableFeminist Fri 31-Oct-14 21:02:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blistory Fri 31-Oct-14 21:07:51

You. And many others but you've all namechanged since I last posted !!

FWR gave me the confidence to use the voice I had and the realisation that the small stuff is worth sweating.

ZombiePuffinsAreREAL Fri 31-Oct-14 21:13:24

The women I've met on here, whose good humour and support have helped when the rage gets to you.

I've learned loads, I learn everyday, from pretty much every poster, even some of the trolls have made me sit back and really think about my view/opinion on a subject.

Goat cannons and Bluestockings!

Zazzles007 Fri 31-Oct-14 21:13:57

FWR has made me realise that I am not alone in the struggle, that many, many other women feel the same way I do, that I can fight the good fight, and inspire and be inspired by women. That there are great women role models in life and that it is important that women's voices' be heard, understood, acknowledged and accepted as the truth.

Irl, I may be alone in my feminist views, but in FWR there is a group of women who feel just like me and can relate. That is important when many parts of today's society still do not accept that women are equal to men, and should be thought of and treated as such.

BellaSolanum Fri 31-Oct-14 21:15:25

It's made me realise that things can change, they can get better, and that maybe my son and daughter will see some of the improvements.

Damntheclockchange Fri 31-Oct-14 21:26:36

I mostly lurk but I always read with interest. Some aspects its good to know other people feel the same way and care like I do, and other aspects are things I have never thought about before that do make me think and change my attitude.

YonicScrewdriver Fri 31-Oct-14 21:32:55

The courage to say things out loud in real life, not just seethe.

grimbletart Fri 31-Oct-14 21:33:14

Knowing I'm not some some solitary angry freak and that there are others who see the same injustices I do. Oh, and the chance to look at feminism through the less jaded eyes of you youngsters of 40 or so grin. I'm world weary of how little has changed despite how much has changed.

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose…..

JeanneDeMontbaston Fri 31-Oct-14 21:54:45

What a lovely thread.

I might be gushy and say that, at the moment, buffy, one of the best things about the FWR board is you. I really love how you argue without being harsh or mean, but you're still bloody funny when the trolls need taking down.

For me, the solidarity is a big thing. This is a very unusual space, it really is. I think lots of women who don't post in FWR and wouldn't like the idea of it, actually contribute to that. There's a general sense on MN that domestic violence is a deal-breaker, that you don't owe someone sex just because you're married to them, that porn might legitimately be something you won't watch, and you might refuse to be with someone who watches it, that gender stereotyping is damaging.

I know not every MNer agrees with those things, but what is crucial is that they are not outlandish ideas. Even the people who argue against them accept they are standard positions in the debate. That is very rare. And it means that FWR can take everything a step further. We couldn't do that on a different sort of site. We'd never have the balance between conversations with self-defined 'non-feminists' and 'not very much a feminist' posters, and our own pretty hardcore feminism.

I know people say there's an orthodoxy and people will argue you down if you disagree, and I do see that people do tend not to go for polite 'oh, my goodness, you think porn is spiffing; well, it'd be rude of me to say it's not!' But, FGS, that's MN for you. People speak up.

rosdearg Fri 31-Oct-14 22:02:11

I like the space to analyse stuff. I know analysis is not everyone's cup of tea and some people think it is just wank. I don't though, I need it, to me it is extremely immediate and a personal necessity. In real life you must be careful not to inflict it on people because those who don't like it don't feel they can just walk off; also, people can actively shut you down to prevent it, if it makes them uncomfortable. Here, I hope that people who don't like it just won't read it and needn't feel uncomfortable, and that gives me a space I need to practise a thing that I need for my sanity

BellaSolanum Fri 31-Oct-14 22:05:13

ros I feel the same, I know my family tend to glaze over a bit when I start getting into stuff, so it's nice to be able to work my way through thoughts.

PenguinsIsSleepDeprived Fri 31-Oct-14 22:15:15

I like that it is a space where you are allowed to have a strong debate and don't have to couch everything in sensitive terms just to avoid offending. E.g. in real life, someone I know was spouting absolute bollocks about how school admissions in our area worked. But socially I wasn't allowed to say "Erm, that isn't right". I had to fudge, and caveat and smile a lot. I worked in a very cutting area of work and since I've been a SAHM Ive missed the directness. I enjoy it across MN (you mean old vipers you), but especially on FWR, where I am talking about things that really matter to me.

Many of the regulars in the pub (though I've lost some in name changes).

Having the ammunition to respond to the ever present gender stereotyping I get around my young children. It matters to me that none of my children (girls or boys) are put in boxes based on their sex. I try and do my little bit to combat it when it happens.

JeanneDeMontbaston Fri 31-Oct-14 22:18:00

I agree. I need analysis.

I don't find people I meet in day-to-day life glaze over, but I do find their feminism is very different from mine. To a lot of people feminism is empowering women, and burlesque, and 'choice,' and listening to Brooke Magnanti explain why selling sex is brilliant. Or it's very, very, very safe gestures towards the idea that there might be such a thing as oppression of women (but maybe not because everyone else has it so bad?).

I know I am a middle-class white woman with a lot of privilege, and I don't feel comfortable normalizing that and pretending that if I'm ok, that means everyone else must be ok and no-one needs to speak up loudly for women.

(OTOH I bloody need this space on occasion for my family's glazing-over.)

JeanneDeMontbaston Fri 31-Oct-14 22:20:46

penguins - god, yes.

It's that constantly need to say 'Oh ... that's interesting. So you're saying [patently stupid thing based on your obviously sexist views]? Goodness ... I wonder if maybe [obvious fact you should know, couched in the most neutral terms]. No? Oh ... well, it's just my radical feminism, but it is true ... you'll consider it? Wow! Thank you!'


I recently jumped through these hoops to point out (yet again) that it's wholly possible rape is a real problem.

SconeRhymesWithGone Fri 31-Oct-14 22:41:00

"If you say, I'm for equal pay, that's a reform. But if you say, I'm a feminist, that's a transformation of society." --Gloria Steinem

Every night (and on the occasional sneak into MN at work), I can drop in on a group of people who are passionately committed to that transformation. And that refuels my own commitment and keeps me going. (I'm an old second-waver, and I get tired.)

CarcerDun Fri 31-Oct-14 22:49:17

Lurker on FWR but you lot teach me so much. It's like an explanation of the rage inside, that other people see it too.

MyEmpireOfDirt Fri 31-Oct-14 23:01:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutsSelf Fri 31-Oct-14 23:34:44

I love the FWR, I love the company of brilliant women, whose judgement I trust.

It's interesting to see what you particularly value about Buffy, Jeanne, is what I'd say about you, too. I'm very impressed by the ability many posters have to bring people into the discussion. The level of thinking and reflection here is lush.

Personally speaking, the FWR has made me really start to think in more concrete and socially engaged ways to embrace or express feminism. I'm also hoping that the budding rl connections I've made will become rl feminist ... something fabulous. Which they are already, but the whole thing feels like it's full of potential, somehow.

I really like that I feel welcome here even though my sentences are long. I've never been told I'm overthinking something. No one shames me for reading a lot. No one dismisses what I think on the basis that I have thought it and must have a chip on my shoulder or whatever. In this way, the FWR is a soothing and very welcoming place because those things are rarely welcomed in other contexts - even on MN as a whole there is a solid core of people who are proud never to have doubted their own common sense values. Those people are usually intolerant, if not outrightly allergic, to the likes of me.

OutsSelf Fri 31-Oct-14 23:36:17

Love that Gloria Steinem quote, Scone

JeanneDeMontbaston Fri 31-Oct-14 23:37:03

Well, I'm flattered, outs, and thank you.

You are right, it's soothing and does connect into RL.

LittleBlueHermit Fri 31-Oct-14 23:38:31

Lurking on FWR has helped me to identify why so many aspects of modern society, as well as mainstream feminism, make me deeply uncomfortable. As an example, its taught me that my problem with many of the views promoted by young women my age isn't based in prejudice or prudishness, as they would have me believe, but in a fundamentally different view of the nature of gender and society.

FWR also stokes my rage, and gives me the strength to keep challenging the status quo, even though most of the time its only in my own head. Its so easy to get worn down.

FWR has reminded me of the importance of women's voices, and that we don't hear them enough.

BellaSolanum Fri 31-Oct-14 23:48:17

"I've never been told I'm overthinking something."

Oh yes, I hate that response, as if it's a bad thing to analyse?

BOFster Fri 31-Oct-14 23:53:40

I like that FWR is one of the few sections which still has brainz. It is a penisbeaker-free zone.

JeanneDeMontbaston Fri 31-Oct-14 23:56:01

And long may that last.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist Sat 01-Nov-14 10:40:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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