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i need a break from this feminism stuff

(137 Posts)
whatdoesittake48 Thu 30-Oct-14 11:42:37

I need to step away from the computer, switch off the news and stop expressing my frustrations to people who do not and will never get it. I need a break from my feminism. I am just so sad about it all. I know it is temporary and i will be back but i can't focus on this stuff any more for now. Anyone else reaching saturation point?

BOFster Thu 30-Oct-14 11:48:56

Life really does do that to you sometimes, yes. I feel a lot happier staying out of the twitter spats and being cautious online generally, and it's certainly true that the news can be dreadfully hard on your mental and emotional health. In periods like that, I think it's only self-preservation to cocoon yourself a bit and just express your feminism by loving yourself and encouraging the women in your real life surroundings in all the small ways which are important. It's normal to get exhausted by it all, I think, and you just have to do what you can to keep hold of your strength.

IdealistAndProudOfIt Thu 30-Oct-14 13:53:28

I frequently feel that I would like a break from having to fight, yes. Sadly I don't think women ever can. Give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarmaViolet Thu 30-Oct-14 15:57:35

Activist burnout. It's not uncommon. There's a really good article about it here.

OliviaBlue Thu 30-Oct-14 19:00:07

I don't get you guys at all.

No offence intended (seriously) but I have never felt pinned down by the "patriarchy". I've felt the opposite tbh. Men are very easy to manipulate in my experience. Yes, they love women (the straight ones anyway) and yes they objectify us and look at us physically, but I think a lot of feminists forget that men can be very loving and caring as well. My husband is very attentive, and yes, he acts like an ass sometimes, but he's a good person and a good father.

When I was single, I had men wrapped around my little finger. I never had to do anything, I had them doing it for me. Even now I'm married, I'm definitely in control of our life. The secret is allowing a man to believe he has control, but you steer the direction.

I certainly don't class that as being controlled by the patriarchy.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Thu 30-Oct-14 19:03:38

That's lovely for you, Olivia. Run long now, nothing for you to bother your pretty little head about here < gentle pat >

OP, take a break. Seeing the world as it really is fucking exhausting. Come back to it when you are ready thanks

MrsTerrorPratchett Thu 30-Oct-14 19:03:53

but I think a lot of feminists forget that men can be very loving and caring as well Nope. Lovely DH here too. Also, you sound a teeny tiny bit sociopathic.

OP, I try to avoid knobbers and the interwebs when feeling like that. Sometimes it comes and gets you, though! I'm lucky to work in a female dominated field so I can la la la my way through the day if I need to.

YonicScrewdriver Thu 30-Oct-14 19:05:45

Hello Olivia, are you enjoying FWR?

MoreCrackThanHarlem Thu 30-Oct-14 19:06:48

I feel the same OP.
I am finding it is increasingly affecting my relationship with my husband as I have grown and matured and he stays the same and cannot empathise with my anger.
I don't want to manipulate men or allow them to believe they control me angry

SandorClegane Thu 30-Oct-14 19:08:40

I have moments where I feel overwhelmed by the horror of it all and I just have that feeling of powerless anger. All I can do is keep making the small differences I can make but it never feels enough but then there is also the fear of speaking out and becoming a target. A lot of people really HATE women. It's grim at times.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Thu 30-Oct-14 19:09:39

I do also worry that my attitude towards men is becoming increasing combative and my daughter is picking up on this.

MrsWolowitz Thu 30-Oct-14 19:11:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Thu 30-Oct-14 19:12:37

For example, my daughter's dance teacher, who is a fabulous, caring man and has a great relationship with D's mentioned the other day that he would love a daughter to 'sparklify'.
Just his one, thoughtless comment has now tainted my view of him when he is otherwise a fantastic person. It is hard work.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Thu 30-Oct-14 19:13:21

Great relationship with dd

KarmaViolet Thu 30-Oct-14 19:16:14

And how do you manipulate men, Olivia… actually, don't answer that.

"In control" is a myth when women are underrepresented in Parliament, in corporations, in justice, in power; when we are disproportionately the subjects of male violence; when we are not given equal pay for equal work; when we are passive poster-girls in the news; when we are token pets in film; when we are so objectified that our identities are subject to an all round reductio ad corpora.

You might not care about those things but I do.

YonicScrewdriver Thu 30-Oct-14 19:16:48

"The secret is allowing a man to believe he has control, but you steer the direction."

Is that what is happening on the 78% male FTSE boards then? All those men are being steered by women, they just don't know it? And the male dominated Houses of Parliament? Etc etc..

MoreCrackThanHarlem Thu 30-Oct-14 19:17:53

I went to a dance class the other day, a place I go to forget and unwind, and was confronted by a woman spewing bullshit about the Ched Evans rape victim. I didn't challenge her because I was exhausted and didn't want to make a scene, but I regretted that for days. Honestly, it's everywhere, and it's exhausting. And what hurts the most is when it comes from a person who you had previously assumed to be on the same page as you with regard to most things.
I can count the number of friends and family who get it on one hand. And it makes me question myself.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Thu 30-Oct-14 19:23:22

Olivia stands by while the men in her life slug it in the nude, breaking each others face and teeth in the process

I suspect I would lose a few thinking cells if I were doing that

OliviaBlue Thu 30-Oct-14 19:25:04

I'm not talking for all women, but it certainly works for me! I love my husband and he's very good to me. I like him being masculine anyway - why would I want a man if he wasn't a man? This whole brain washing thing is NONSENSE. Yes, I agree women are under-represented in government, and yes we don't get equal pay in all sectors. But aren't they opening all military positions to women in America? At least we're going somewhere.

I'll be the first to admit I like men who are masculine and strong. I'm not a dumb little girly-girl, I'm well educated and I work in a managerial role, but I still like a man who can take control sometimes - it turns me on.

Unlike a lot of the women here, however, I appear to understand the fact that we're all different and have our own preferences.

MrsWolowitz Thu 30-Oct-14 19:27:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Thu 30-Oct-14 19:28:51

I like him being masculine anyway - why would I want a man if he wasn't a man?
Can you elaborate on what you mean by "being a man"?

OliviaBlue Thu 30-Oct-14 19:29:58

Shocker how?

I didn't say my man wasn't a feminist. You're reading into things too much.

Curb that imagination, hon.

MrsTerrorPratchett Thu 30-Oct-14 19:30:09

My DH is over six foot and a black belt. Does that mean I'm not a feminist? I'm so confused.

BTW the fact that this phrase, "I'm not a dumb little girly-girl" is acceptable is why we need feminism.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Thu 30-Oct-14 19:31:26

Can I ask again, what do you mean by "being a man"?

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