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Sharing too much?

(66 Posts)
Hopeibra Thu 30-Oct-14 04:43:57

So I am with a man who loves me so much but ever since I started seeing and hearing things about woman being raped and sometimes there was no justice for them I would get so angry and over time I started hating men and vowing that I would never be with one for long. All I wanted was a baby girl and nothing to do with men and I shared all this with my boyfriend and he just gets more angry with me and wants me to change. Bs I am raised a muslim and it frustrates me on how they treat their woman. Anyway I hate ranting my hate towards men to him and would like to talk to people like me. I have no friends because I don't think anyone could understand me. I was just wondering if anyone here wants to just talk sometimes? Thank you for taking the time to read. Have a good day.

maddy68 Thu 30-Oct-14 09:25:19

I think you arerojecting your insecurities onto your partner who you admit is nothing like the men you feel anger towards

You know this irrational right?

Have you considered councilling? Hating men in general is not normal
Having no friends us also not normal, it sounds like you are pushing people away.
I would suggest a visit to your gp to see if they can offer councilling or similar as this is disproportionate and I would suggest requires some mental health intervention.

AsAMan Thu 30-Oct-14 09:30:27

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

maddy68 Thu 30-Oct-14 09:32:27

Just re read that. I don't mean to suggest you are mentally ill, it's just that the doctors have lots of options available through their mental Heath programmes!

Or you can just post here but I would suggest that often you get a very narrow view point on here and not always a balanced arguement

AsAMan Thu 30-Oct-14 09:32:57

Also the op doesn't "admit" any such thing maddy. Read her post again.

AsAMan Thu 30-Oct-14 09:35:27

^ I shared all this with my boyfriend and he just gets more angry with me and wants me to change^

So you suggest she should change. And speak to a doctor about her mental health. Fabulous.

maddy68 Thu 30-Oct-14 10:01:50

I think she needs help and sounds depressed. So yes I think she should seek help.
Ruining relationships and having no friends is not healthy for her and I think she has underlying issues here apart from her anger.
Yes I had question marks over her boyfriends anger too. That's why I suggested she went to a specialist rather than seek help here where no one can voice an opinion without personal comments

UriGeller Thu 30-Oct-14 10:10:43

I think the OP needs other people to talk about her issues with who can maybe help her understand the difference between misandry and feminism.

Hopeibra, can you talk some more about how men give you cause to feel? do you see that there are a lot of loving, equal relationships between men and women in the world? Also that we give birth to boys who become men do how is it okay to hate all men?

UriGeller Thu 30-Oct-14 10:11:12

Talk 'with'

m0therofdragons Thu 30-Oct-14 10:18:50

I was raped and I hate that man and what he did to me. I'm now happily married to a man who loves and respects me. The two are separate and I can't hate dh or my male friends because of one nasty one. I have also worked with some sexist men and some amazing men. My only advice is to not allow anyone to put you down and show through your actions that you are equal and deserve respect. Anyone who refuses to give you that is not worth your time.

maddy68 Thu 30-Oct-14 10:23:59

^^ this what motherofdragons said

AsAMan Thu 30-Oct-14 10:36:59

hopibra, try the FWR pub. You'll have fewer people lecture you about misandry ffs.

ZombiePuffinsAreREAL Thu 30-Oct-14 10:51:20

Misandry? Oh dear god.

OP, which region of the UK do you live in? There are lots of women's groups specifically set up by and for Muslim women I could signpost you to, if you wanted a uniquely Muslim viewpoint.

It's not unusual for women who first see the inherent sexism in society to feel this kind of anger. It does go with time.

FloraFox Thu 30-Oct-14 10:55:42

So rather than actually trying to help the OP, some people think this most important thing is to jump in with "change yourself" and insist that she acknowledge NAMALT (not all men are like that).

Hopeibra I don't think this thread will help you and I agree with AsAMan that the pub might be a good place.

UriGeller Thu 30-Oct-14 11:13:18

It is misandry though isn't it? Am I missing something?

Dictionary definition

Misandry - dislike of, or contempt for, or ingrained prejudice of the male sex.

Op says she hates men.

AsAMan Thu 30-Oct-14 11:24:52

Of course Uri

Zazzles007 Thu 30-Oct-14 11:29:36

Yes, you are completely missing something, but its not the thing you think you are missing. <cryptic>

UriGeller Thu 30-Oct-14 11:45:45

I'd prefer to be enlightened.

Zazzles007 Thu 30-Oct-14 11:47:18

It would be better if you figured it out for yourself tbh. You will learn so much more that way, and it will have a much better impact. Good luck.

scallopsrgreat Thu 30-Oct-14 12:32:57

Uri - Power dynamics, privilege, systematic oppression, response to oppression, the basic fact she doesn't go around abusing, raping and killing men etc etc

I'm in a generous mood today.

AsAMan Thu 30-Oct-14 12:42:20

You know women haven't got a responsibility to educate you when you demand it right? but fuck it I'm feeling generous today too

ZombiePuffinsAreREAL Thu 30-Oct-14 12:47:40

Bleah, there's an Ally Fogg thing there. I feel slightly soiled.

Misandry doesn't exist. Except in the fevered imaginations of MRAs. There is no systematic hatred of men going on, there is no country in the world where men as a class are oppressed. Misandry is to men what reverse racism is to white people, ie, bollocks.

NOT feeling too generous.

Damsili Thu 30-Oct-14 12:53:52

Of course misandry is a thing.

If misogyny can be said to be anything that reinforces the negative stereotypes of women and thus enable patriarchy, then this is what misandry must be: societal factors that reinforce negative characteristics in men. I think it's also perfectly valid to have a word that means someone has a negative overall view of men as a class. That exists - I mean it does, clearly. So it needs a name.

Allowing for misandry does not detract from the identification and challenging of misogyny. In fact it compliments it.

UriGeller Thu 30-Oct-14 12:57:04

Thanks Zombie, you explained it really well. As a woman and the mother of 3 sons and a daughter I'm aware I have a delicate line to straddle to ensure all my children grow up confident and considerate. I would never presume to know everything, and if I've learned anything at all it is that the more I learn, the less I know.

I'm not really Uri Geller you know.

ballsballsballs Thu 30-Oct-14 12:57:48


Feminists don't, as a rule, hate men.

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